madimpossibledreamer: Eye from manga drawing. (ace attorney)

*note that it’s more like the multiplicity of humans, but that’s less catchy of a title.

So for this one, thank you to a wonderful comment by Axsan_Kat, I probably wouldn’t have figured out the reason behind this choice without you.

For the longest time, I wasn’t sure why I’d gone with multiple-personality disorder in Self-Made Hero, other than maybe the vague idea that I didn’t want to only use one version of Tony Stark. Turns out there was more going on in my subconscious that I was aware of, which kind of leads into the actual reason why I’d made the decision: Personas.

Not exactly from the hit SMT series, mind. Going back to Carl Jung, in fact. The basic premise is this: we wear different personas, or masks, depending on what we’re doing. That might seem strange, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense: we’re different people at work, by ourselves, on the internet, with our best friend, with our family (and sometimes, with different family members), at a concert, shopping, etc. We put on our work persona just like we put on our work clothes. We should remember this more often, for example, when someone says “Oh, that person treats me like garbage” and we go “but they’ve always been nice to me”, but that’s the basic premise.

There’s a little of that in every superhero tale, and part of the enduring appeal of the genre. Who you are when you put on that mask or faceplate or transform or whatever. But a character that definitely takes that to extremes (even when he’s got a Public ID) and is thus fascinating to write is Tony Stark.

To the average person, it might seem like Tony is the same no matter where he goes; sarcastic, irreverent, never taking things seriously, but there are layers.

Some of it is probably neurodivergence (probably ADHD, maybe autism), trauma (Howard Stark, either as a terrible parent in most of it and as a good parent but presumed dead in Armored Adventures), and PTSD (getting the arc reactor in whatever permutation that happens). But there’s also a whole lot more. Let’s turn to the movies specifically. I might have a lot of problems with The Avengers (and most of Whedon’s work, looking back, honestly), but I do think the ‘tinker tailor soldier spy’ genius millionaire playboy philanthropist line is great for this. He’s intelligent and he knows it, it’s probably the thing he’s most confident in. Millionaire is something he’s probably coming to terms with, especially once finding where a lot of that blood money had come from, and he’s also starting to get the sense that, you know, maybe the eccentricities that come with being a millionaire aren’t actually all charming. Playboy, also mixed, because it’s started to feel a little more hollow and unfulfilling. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind, but it’s hurting Pepper, maybe, and he doesn’t want to do that, but at the same time sometimes he needs to just stop thinking and it’s that or alcohol, and sometimes he just needs to feel like someone cares even though that’s maybe a line. Philanthropy may just be throwing money at problems to make amends, but it’s something he knows how to do and it’s something, and he’s not so great at apologizing (maybe, partly, because with his self-worth he doesn’t actually think he deserves to be forgiven).

When he’s with the bots, for example, he might be sarcastic but he’s more gentle and patient than he’d be with humans. On a lot of occasions, he’s leaning on Pepper, and it’s almost impossible to tell what’s him not feeling up to dealing with things, trusting her, trying to figure out how she works (because he adores her but I don’t think he ever reaches a point where he’d say “I can predict how she’ll react”), and stress testing, trying to find her boundaries and breaking points. Rhodey’s more predictable but they definitely don’t see eye to eye on everything—Rhodey is a soldier first, and doesn’t react well to Tony starting to come to terms with his past, legacy, and family legacy as a (legitimized) arms dealer. He probably is grateful to Howard for the inheritance of his intelligence, but resents him for how he was treated. In some ways, it was probably more comforting to think it was black and white, that Howard never loved him, because that’s easier to deal with. Obie he saw as more of a father figure than his own dad, because Obie made the time to actually treat him that way, even if it was mostly selfishness on Stane’s part. His meeting with Cap was largely one of resentment, too, because Howard cared more about Steve Rogers than his own son, but there was probably some fear, too, because you tell yourself that they’re not right about you, when your family tells you you’re not good enough, but part of you will always whisper and wonder maybe they’re right. (Another thing that could have been great in the Avengers, except it never got followed up on or resolved so there’s no learning, no character growth.) It’s probably clear that his confidence waxes and wanes, but he hides it more or less well (in some cases especially Iron Man 3 it’s cracking) because some of his role models (Aunt Peggy and Edwin Jarvis) were British, so stiff upper lip and keep calm and carry on are the adult coping mechanisms he’s learned to emulate. Actually opening up and showing he’s vulnerable takes work and effort and honestly there are some days it’s probably impossible for his brain. Iron Man 3 did such a good job with compassionately and realistically portraying not only his PTSD but him learning how to deal with it and maybe, just a little, starting to heal.

So, yeah, it follows naturally that actually kind of making that literal and have Xander have to deal with all that in a YAHF (Yet Another Halloween Fanfic) is a writing decision that isn’t quite as out of the blue as it seems. Not that I recognized that for years, just “this is happening and I am writing it, okay”, but I got there in the end.

madimpossibledreamer: Dante fighting demons (devil may cry)

also if they were actually planning on doing anything with the concept which they’re absolutely not and also didn’t have the rights to the characters but also don’t have the guts to actually follow through seeing as they still refuse to take any of the responsibility for the debacle of pushing Hydra merch during one of the biggest spreads of fascism, i.e. neonazism, in America like “Oh Hydra isn’t affiliated with Nazis or fascism they were just started by Hitler to look into the magic and tech that could win him the war” they should’ve dug deep into that angle. It would’ve lost them an audience and painted a target on their backs, sure, but no worse than the original Cap writers who were getting threats for having him punch Hitler. It wasn’t a “that’s the patriotic thing to do” thing back then, it was a brave action, standing up for the little guy, etc.
Anyway, rant aside. They should’ve shown that Steve’s been seeing the rise of fascism in America and around the world and it makes him question whether they should be putting the names of people on a list based on their skills or genetics (mutants) and forced under government scrutiny or put to work or herded up. They should absolutely have him team up with Magneto for that one, as a temporary alliance. Like, I think there would be some fascinating dynamics here and it’s a hard-hitting story, because we’re trying to pretend this problem isn’t a problem that exists, but that’s not how fascism goes away. And
Captain America and Magneto of all people know this.
And I have no idea how Tony “kiss my shiny metal butt Senators” got to pro-Hero Registration Act, but then, they really like to play fast and loose with his characterization and ignore any and all established character arc for him by the next movie, so. I dunno. Maybe he refuses, they’re like “well, we will confiscate everything, including JARVIS, the bots, etc” and he’s basically like “they’re family, you can’t do that” and they’re like “but this paper says we can” and he caves and basically goes catatonic until one of the rogues gives him an idea of how to skirt around it.
(To be fair, most of what I know about the Hero Registration Act which I’m 90% is not the name in Marvel is from City of Heroes. So. I might be off on some details here.)
And if they wanted the cliché and eye-rolling Hydra infiltrating SHIELD,
just use it here. SHIELD already has a prison of its own! Like, it works from thematics and storytelling perspectives, here! They could have multiple movies that get, like, superhero-thriller action there.
...Don’t get me started on Infinity War. Massively unpopular opinion: that’s also hot garbage, Thanos, have you even
heard of Malthus or the expanded human geography concepts? Carrying capacity is not stagnant. Even assuming your plan works, which it doesn’t, it’s a one-time deal and you were prepared to die to get it done, so...like, the universe doesn’t stay frozen in time, unless it does in which case you might as well have vanished the entirety of the universe from existence because it’s basically just living death, more people are going to get born, what happens then, huh? I don’t know if you’re too thick to realize that the only thing you’re really gonna accomplish is a whole bunch of cruelty or if like certain politicians cruelty is the point. Like, your plan made more sense when you were trying to use a bunch of death to impress the Lady Death.

madimpossibledreamer: Eye from manga drawing. (edgeworth)
Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Iron Man Crossover (Self-Made Hero)
Summary: Despite how it might look, the transition isn't easy. There's only so long the destabilized situation can continue before something's gotta give...
Star Trek AU
Word Count: 375
Rating: Teen

ExpandTony is trying to figure out how to fix just another problem on the Avenger. )

madimpossibledreamer: iron man flying (iron man)
Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Iron Man Crossover (Self-Made Hero)
Summary: Despite how it might look, the transition isn't easy. There's only so long the destabilized situation can continue before something's gotta give...
Miraculous AU
Word Count: 1499
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Tony/Pepper (implied)

ExpandStray Cat's sixth sense is tingling. )

madimpossibledreamer: Jiraiya|Yosuke jumping and using a throwing star (Default)

Please don’t let this make you think of outdated stereotypes; non-straight sexuality isn’t just about the relationship or sex.  The issue in my case as I said is that while this is important for the series I don’t ship it so my creativity had me stalling at the first sentence for forever.  If someone wants to do a fic inspired by this and link back that’d be amazing, but I don’t think I could pull it off myself.  I wrote myself into a corner with the first line, and had no clue where to go from there.  Mostly, I think, because the MCU was my introduction to the characters and it did not make sense for me, especially compared to Agent Carter or Bucky there.  The closest, I think, is Avengers Assemble, because they clearly do actually care about each other there, but the muse is insisting this one is an MCU one.  Based on prominence, maybe?    I don’t think it’s the most awkward one in this series, and it’s definitely not ‘pretending Cap is Hydra’ level, so I should stop worrying about this.  There will probably be more with Natasha when I finally get my hands on those comics and possible flirting in Avengers Assemble fic because I am better with ambiguous.  I think the biggest issue is how bad you think Howard was and if he did verbal/emotional abuse comparing Tony to Captain America every time he did something wrong, at minimum in some of the comics and the MCU, which I do and more than one of the Tonys already "collected" have experienced, so it's just awkward to me a different but similar feel to those who ship Xander/Faith.  I tried to work through this in the fic but thought it was relevant.

Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Iron Man Crossover (Self-Made Hero)
Summary: Despite how it might look, the transition isn't easy. There's only so long the destabilized situation can continue before something's gotta give...
MCU?
Word Count: 355
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Steve/Tony

ExpandTony has left the building. )

madimpossibledreamer: Paper lanterns floating over a fleet of ships. (lanterns)
Fury’s like “stop having PTSD, it inconveniences me”
madimpossibledreamer: iron man flying (iron man)
Releasing this into the wild without looking over it too much, because I've already spent too much time on this already.  Just so you know what you're getting into, spoilers abound, and this thing is 3,628 words.  Brief mention of the harassment stuff + sexism + racism because this is Whedon.  If you're good with all that, then buckle up.


          Do I have the time to write this?  No.  Should I be writing Shadowed Suspicion instead?  Yes.  Am I doing it anyway?  Yes.  Here, you can get a taste of my first drafts for a college paper.  (The Xander as a Trickster Figure one would count, too, I guess.)  Sorry if this is well-known in any of the mentioned fandoms.  I definitely haven’t read all the literary analysis on the subject, don’t have access to the journals I had when I was in college (JSTOR, I miss you!), and google is generally not being useful in this endeavor.  I’m going to try to have a few quotes if I can find any quickly, but like I said, first draft.  Quality’s going to be a little bit freewriting.  I’m structuring it as much as I can, but I’m not editing.  Also, there are going to be spoilers for Buffy, the MCU, Dollhouse, Dr. Horrible's, Firefly, and Yakuza of varying degrees (mostly the first two, but I do address the rest).  No real spoilers for Babylon 5 but I wanted to tag it because it is mentioned.  Not tagging some of the Whedon stuff as I don't plan to talk about them much in the future and don't want them taking up a tag slot (which probably inevitably means I'll be writing about them in the future but shh leave me to my delusions; they're cozy).  Assume when I’m referring to Marvel without further elaborating, it’s on the MCU.  While I don’t particularly want to be listening to Whedon about anything at this point, Word of Joss has said that the general outline of the movie, at least, is considered canonical, so I’m going to briefly talk about that too.
 

Expandspoilers + long essay )

 

madimpossibledreamer: Izanagi|Souji in full costume holding out a hand (persona 4)
so, if you think you've seen this before, or think you'll see it again, you're probably right on both accounts.  because this is a super important reminder.
sometimes I'll feel super unmotivated, writing.  sometimes i'll feel like my current chapter is trash or that I'm not good enough, as a writer.
and then i'll check my email and find someone's given my chapter a kudos (ao3) or that sunnydale herald continues to rec my stuff (that'll never stop making me smile) or whatever.
and then i'll remember that for however mediocre a current chapter is, or how the depression/anxiety voices try to weigh me down, or it feels like nobody's reading and i'm just sending words into an endless void...i haven't written the supernatural finale.  i haven't written captain america as a nazi.  i didn't write the devil may cry reboot, and i certainly haven't followed their "stellar pr example".  i didn't write the joss whedon avengers movies, or his failed wonder woman script.  i definitely am not the grand moff.  i'd like to think i write actual character arcs and plot arcs unlike the miraculous writers. 
i welcome my whole audience (except if you think other people don't deserve to have rights, get out, and may the door smack you on your way out).  i don't make fun of interpretations (okay, i haven't seen any, but even if i disagreed i would just say 'that wasn't intended' or OH NO THAT WASN'T INTENDED LET ME FIX THAT) or tell my audience they're seeing things. 
i don't write things so bad that a whole conspiracy coalesces around the utter failure that is that piece of writing.  i didn't write an offensive civil rights movement analogue that was meant to be a civil rights movement analogue until people said 'wait?? maybe that's in bad taste???' and then it wasn't a civil rights movement analogue and if you saw that you were crazy.  i try to go more complex and not just write off people particularly if they happen to be more villainous-coded, because, you know, subverting expectations with good writing is a good thing.  (also my brother who is awesome is slytherin, some of my best friends from college are slytherin and i like snakes, i don't know why you expected me to go anywhere else with that.  i'm not declaring the outcasts evil because that's just not cool.  also, i'm a hufflepuff so puffing up and fighting for the people i care for is a thing i do.)  i didn't turn james t kirk into the pop culture caricature everyone thought he was.  (and then he fought it anyway.  fight the good fight, buddy.) 
maybe i had some writing choices that weren't the best.  let's be honest, some of our taste when we were younger is terrible.  and sometimes we love terrible things because nothing's perfect and picking through the leavings of terribly written stories or badly mangled stories or a no man's land of isms or good idea poor execution stories that make us weep in frustration for the better show/book/game that we all collectively hallucinated along the way is all we have.  but we should also take heart that we made it better.  we're not just dreamers, because we see the flaws, and we bring them up not to tear others down but to remind ourselves of the pitfalls, we bring them up because these are conversations worth having, we bring them up because love this stuff and we want to analyze that the writers did so good but they let us down here, and how? why?
anyway, reminding yourself of all the terrible writing decisions that have been made in things you love, and also reminding yourself that you are doing everything you can to avoid writing such things, does wonders for your self-esteem as a writer.  also, when you mess up, there's always editing.  and like a responsible author you do sit down, go 'wait, i should change this' or, if someone told you, 'wait, they're right', edit it, and there you go.  and your interpretation is not wrong, and you should not feel bad for engaging in the text because people go to school to learn to do what you're doing, and you're all important.

edit: i don't want to take out the stuff with harry potter because I don't want to erase history and to some extent want to leave it as a screw you rowling.  anybody in any house with any decency would tear down your precious status quo, and yes, your pedestal with it.  but to continue with the theme: i didn't write 'slavery is okay with the right owners, maybe' and 'most fat people are evil' and 'being ultrafeminine or having masculine features is also a sign of evil in female characters'.  i also didn't turn out to be a massive piece of shit.  so this makes me happier about even my worst writing.  and yes, there are bits i'm not happy with.  several in self-made hero, actually, but even then i don't think i've ever failed as badly as rowling, or whedon, or the grand moff, or astruc, or nick spencer.  and as horrible as that is, as a writer that's a comforting thought.  i'll reiterate, though--please, when i make a mistake, tell me!  i want to improve, unlike these jerks.
madimpossibledreamer: Jotaro pointing at the camera (kujo)
Don't worry, there is a chapter of Shadowed Suspicion coming, I'm waiting on news from beta-senpai.  I had to share my realization though and yeah, maybe I'm slow and this has been talked about before, but.  /flaily motions
also.  WARNING FOR TALKING ABOUT HYDRA/NAZIS.

 

Expand#saynotohydracap )
madimpossibledreamer: Jiraiya|Yosuke jumping and using a throwing star (creative)
I have no idea why these are going the way they are but they're practically writing themselves, so I'm not about to argue.  (I still have to get a job.  And write more SS.  Possibly not in that order.)
~Dreamer~

Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Avengers Crossover (Self-Made Hero)
Summary: The Avengers meet Xander.
Word Count: 860
Rating: Gen

Expandassumptions and banter )

madimpossibledreamer: Paper lanterns floating over a fleet of ships. (lanterns)
Happy 4th!  Times may seem dark now, but remember that the United States is built on hope.  I hope you're with family with whom you feel safe, even if it's a chosen family, and you're having a blast and can carve out a little slice of sane and normal in these times.
This is a reference to real Cap, who is that hope.  (I ignore canon when it's dumb.  Such as with Nick Spencer, who apparently hasn't realized that stories are powerful and as a certain someone says, that means you've got a responsibility.  I'll avoid being vulgar and just say that I sincerely hope your actions will come around and bite you in the butt.)
~Dreamer~

Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Marvel Crossover AU (Self-Made Hero: The Infinity Mirror)
Summary: A little teaser for the Buffy we'll get in The Infinity Mirror.  She's the Buffy from the asylum, only she's not exactly crazy.  She remembers events that have happened to her in different dimensions and can't always keep track of what universe she's currently in or whose memories are which.
Word Count: 595
Rating: Gen

           Buffy stops eating a pancake midway through, completely oblivious to the syrup escaping and dripping onto the table.  If she’d noticed Xander’s eyes follow every drop, she probably would have realized the sacrilege that it is, but she’s too busy following the thought.  “I remember something else,” she says slowly, trying to get used to the idea that someone would actually listen to anything she says and not just dismiss it as lies.  And with the way Xander leans forward, actively waiting on her word, now, she has that listener.  “In another dimension, I’m Lady Liberty, I guess.”
           Xander quirks an eyebrow in an awfully familiar way that she actively recognizes from Tony, now that she thinks about it.  “Captain America,” she elaborates, because, oh yeah, that’s right, her male counterparts get a cooler name.  “They made me change my real name.”  She doesn’t remember what to; it’s horribly clichéd no matter what era it’s from.
           That’s the frown Tony makes when he’s horribly offended and about to ruin someone’s day.  “That’s all very super sexist.  Bet they sanitized the movies.”
           “I’m sure they sanitized everything, but…”  Now that she thinks about it, it’s natural for her to feel a kinship to a guy who wanted to help and was given powers but was thrown into a fight without too much preparation or support.  And then found himself way out of his depth, but kept trying anyway.  And then she processes the idea of Xander, of Tony, discussing something as being sexist while looking offended, and she snorts.  Very unladylike.
           He steals a bit of her bacon while she’s not looking, which earns a death glare.  Still, stuff like that, it tends to be a distraction so she doesn’t look too close at something else, so…  “You definitely weren’t one of the worst Tonys.  But then, Howard was locked up for being a jerk a while ago and Jarvis practically raised you, so…”
           He flashes one of the patented camera smiles at her and relaxes a little.  Then he winces.
           “What?  Are you all right?” she asks.  He might think she’s oblivious to the migraines, but when he keeps having to take aspirin a lot, she notices.
           “Just a memory flash.  Not a full personality,” he reassures her before looking thoughtful.  “I could make you your shield, you know.”
           Now it’s her turn to frown.  “There’s no vibranium in this dimension, and I don’t think others would take too kindly to you entering their world just to obtain some.”
           “Where we’re going, we don’t need vibranium,” Xander says in a good imitation of Doc Brown, and his smile turns smug and catlike when that startles a laugh out of her.  “See?  Made you laugh.”  And there’s Xander, Captain of Team Morale.  “I made the Exoskel.  Bet I could whip something up.”
           “I’m not going to take that bet.  I’m not stupid.  I technically don’t have any money.”  And now that she’s opening her mind up to that, doesn’t this feel just familiar?
           “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”  Before she can open her mouth to complain, he holds up a placating hand.  “If nothing else, call it services rendered for saving the world.  I am of the extreme and just opinion that those fat idiots of the Council should’ve thought about hazard pay before they gave themselves an lazy man’s salary.”
           If she thinks about the pay like being a soldier, it rankles less, so she shuts up as Xander goes on another wild story complete with gestures and just lets herself relax.  With pancakes.

Purity

Apr. 18th, 2017 09:23 pm
madimpossibledreamer: Zhuge Liang standing with his fan, looking peaceful.  Army in background. (peace)
Main Points:
Avengers Genderbend (Iron Maiden + The Woman With a Plan)
Summary: faster to read
Word Count: 115
Rating: Gen

        Stephanie’s favorite part of working out, besides the happy glow of strength and satisfaction, is taking a shower afterwards, letting the warmth work through the soreness.
        And then she actually glances inside the showers, and gasps and almost drops the towel.
        “Come on, Cap, there’s room enough for the both of us, I’m pretty sure,” Tony drawls with an indecently amused grin and doesn’t bother to try to cover up her nakedness.  At all.
        She stands there, blond hair around her shoulders, until Tony opens her eyes and glances over again.  “Stop acting as if you’ve never seen a woman naked before.”  Silence.  Then Tony finally starts getting it.  “You’ve…never seen a woman naked before.”



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