idle thought #213
Jan. 15th, 2021 03:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamerso, if you think you've seen this before, or think you'll see it again, you're probably right on both accounts. because this is a super important reminder.
sometimes I'll feel super unmotivated, writing. sometimes i'll feel like my current chapter is trash or that I'm not good enough, as a writer.
and then i'll check my email and find someone's given my chapter a kudos (ao3) or that sunnydale herald continues to rec my stuff (that'll never stop making me smile) or whatever.
and then i'll remember that for however mediocre a current chapter is, or how the depression/anxiety voices try to weigh me down, or it feels like nobody's reading and i'm just sending words into an endless void...i haven't written the supernatural finale. i haven't written captain america as a nazi. i didn't write the devil may cry reboot, and i certainly haven't followed their "stellar pr example". i didn't write the joss whedon avengers movies, or his failed wonder woman script. i definitely am not the grand moff. i'd like to think i write actual character arcs and plot arcs unlike the miraculous writers.
i welcome my whole audience (except if you think other people don't deserve to have rights, get out, and may the door smack you on your way out). i don't make fun of interpretations (okay, i haven't seen any, but even if i disagreed i would just say 'that wasn't intended' or OH NO THAT WASN'T INTENDED LET ME FIX THAT) or tell my audience they're seeing things.
i don't write things so bad that a whole conspiracy coalesces around the utter failure that is that piece of writing. i didn't write an offensive civil rights movement analogue that was meant to be a civil rights movement analogue until people said 'wait?? maybe that's in bad taste???' and then it wasn't a civil rights movement analogue and if you saw that you were crazy. i try to go more complex and not just write off people particularly if they happen to be more villainous-coded, because, you know, subverting expectations with good writing is a good thing. (also my brother who is awesome is slytherin, some of my best friends from college are slytherin and i like snakes, i don't know why you expected me to go anywhere else with that. i'm not declaring the outcasts evil because that's just not cool. also, i'm a hufflepuff so puffing up and fighting for the people i care for is a thing i do.) i didn't turn james t kirk into the pop culture caricature everyone thought he was. (and then he fought it anyway. fight the good fight, buddy.)
maybe i had some writing choices that weren't the best. let's be honest, some of our taste when we were younger is terrible. and sometimes we love terrible things because nothing's perfect and picking through the leavings of terribly written stories or badly mangled stories or a no man's land of isms or good idea poor execution stories that make us weep in frustration for the better show/book/game that we all collectively hallucinated along the way is all we have. but we should also take heart that we made it better. we're not just dreamers, because we see the flaws, and we bring them up not to tear others down but to remind ourselves of the pitfalls, we bring them up because these are conversations worth having, we bring them up because love this stuff and we want to analyze that the writers did so good but they let us down here, and how? why?
anyway, reminding yourself of all the terrible writing decisions that have been made in things you love, and also reminding yourself that you are doing everything you can to avoid writing such things, does wonders for your self-esteem as a writer. also, when you mess up, there's always editing. and like a responsible author you do sit down, go 'wait, i should change this' or, if someone told you, 'wait, they're right', edit it, and there you go. and your interpretation is not wrong, and you should not feel bad for engaging in the text because people go to school to learn to do what you're doing, and you're all important.
edit: i don't want to take out the stuff with harry potter because I don't want to erase history and to some extent want to leave it as a screw you rowling. anybody in any house with any decency would tear down your precious status quo, and yes, your pedestal with it. but to continue with the theme: i didn't write 'slavery is okay with the right owners, maybe' and 'most fat people are evil' and 'being ultrafeminine or having masculine features is also a sign of evil in female characters'. i also didn't turn out to be a massive piece of shit. so this makes me happier about even my worst writing. and yes, there are bits i'm not happy with. several in self-made hero, actually, but even then i don't think i've ever failed as badly as rowling, or whedon, or the grand moff, or astruc, or nick spencer. and as horrible as that is, as a writer that's a comforting thought. i'll reiterate, though--please, when i make a mistake, tell me! i want to improve, unlike these jerks.
sometimes I'll feel super unmotivated, writing. sometimes i'll feel like my current chapter is trash or that I'm not good enough, as a writer.
and then i'll check my email and find someone's given my chapter a kudos (ao3) or that sunnydale herald continues to rec my stuff (that'll never stop making me smile) or whatever.
and then i'll remember that for however mediocre a current chapter is, or how the depression/anxiety voices try to weigh me down, or it feels like nobody's reading and i'm just sending words into an endless void...i haven't written the supernatural finale. i haven't written captain america as a nazi. i didn't write the devil may cry reboot, and i certainly haven't followed their "stellar pr example". i didn't write the joss whedon avengers movies, or his failed wonder woman script. i definitely am not the grand moff. i'd like to think i write actual character arcs and plot arcs unlike the miraculous writers.
i welcome my whole audience (except if you think other people don't deserve to have rights, get out, and may the door smack you on your way out). i don't make fun of interpretations (okay, i haven't seen any, but even if i disagreed i would just say 'that wasn't intended' or OH NO THAT WASN'T INTENDED LET ME FIX THAT) or tell my audience they're seeing things.
i don't write things so bad that a whole conspiracy coalesces around the utter failure that is that piece of writing. i didn't write an offensive civil rights movement analogue that was meant to be a civil rights movement analogue until people said 'wait?? maybe that's in bad taste???' and then it wasn't a civil rights movement analogue and if you saw that you were crazy. i try to go more complex and not just write off people particularly if they happen to be more villainous-coded, because, you know, subverting expectations with good writing is a good thing. (also my brother who is awesome is slytherin, some of my best friends from college are slytherin and i like snakes, i don't know why you expected me to go anywhere else with that. i'm not declaring the outcasts evil because that's just not cool. also, i'm a hufflepuff so puffing up and fighting for the people i care for is a thing i do.) i didn't turn james t kirk into the pop culture caricature everyone thought he was. (and then he fought it anyway. fight the good fight, buddy.)
maybe i had some writing choices that weren't the best. let's be honest, some of our taste when we were younger is terrible. and sometimes we love terrible things because nothing's perfect and picking through the leavings of terribly written stories or badly mangled stories or a no man's land of isms or good idea poor execution stories that make us weep in frustration for the better show/book/game that we all collectively hallucinated along the way is all we have. but we should also take heart that we made it better. we're not just dreamers, because we see the flaws, and we bring them up not to tear others down but to remind ourselves of the pitfalls, we bring them up because these are conversations worth having, we bring them up because love this stuff and we want to analyze that the writers did so good but they let us down here, and how? why?
anyway, reminding yourself of all the terrible writing decisions that have been made in things you love, and also reminding yourself that you are doing everything you can to avoid writing such things, does wonders for your self-esteem as a writer. also, when you mess up, there's always editing. and like a responsible author you do sit down, go 'wait, i should change this' or, if someone told you, 'wait, they're right', edit it, and there you go. and your interpretation is not wrong, and you should not feel bad for engaging in the text because people go to school to learn to do what you're doing, and you're all important.
edit: i don't want to take out the stuff with harry potter because I don't want to erase history and to some extent want to leave it as a screw you rowling. anybody in any house with any decency would tear down your precious status quo, and yes, your pedestal with it. but to continue with the theme: i didn't write 'slavery is okay with the right owners, maybe' and 'most fat people are evil' and 'being ultrafeminine or having masculine features is also a sign of evil in female characters'. i also didn't turn out to be a massive piece of shit. so this makes me happier about even my worst writing. and yes, there are bits i'm not happy with. several in self-made hero, actually, but even then i don't think i've ever failed as badly as rowling, or whedon, or the grand moff, or astruc, or nick spencer. and as horrible as that is, as a writer that's a comforting thought. i'll reiterate, though--please, when i make a mistake, tell me! i want to improve, unlike these jerks.
