madimpossibledreamer

Apparently I'm Sam's angel now.  I'm not quite certain how this happened, but I think we might have bonded over identifying the current Big Bad at the same time.  Also in our choices of food.  I've never been anyone's angel before.  Before, it was all choirs and armies and just one of a garrison.  A flock.  There's a reason that wolves have the saying 'lone wolf', despite the fact that they're very social, if violent creatures, and there is no similar saying for most birds.  Just a few wolves do not belong to a pack, but they do exist.  With birds, with angels, there is no individual, there is no I, there is no thinking for yourself.  It's a kind of absolution from freedom, from choice.  It's easy.  You follow orders, you are one of the Host.

But as you grow and learn and begin to become an individual, you realize something else.  You're lonely.  There is no favorite brother, there is no best friend.  It's an all-encompassing love, but I think only Father could have such and not lose a little along the way.

…

How are you supposed to be someone's angel?  There's definitely nothing of the same 'special bond' that Dean and Castiel share.

Panic.  That's a new one.  Ordinarily I would ask Sam about what such a relationship (somewhat like best friends, I'd imagine, only between an angel and a human, which, as I'm growing to discover, are wonderful creatures, perfect in their flawed imperfection) entails, but as he's one of the involved parties, I don't think that's particularly polite.

Maybe I'll ask Dean.

Unfortunately, we managed to scare Dean, who apparently was under the impression that we were all dead or had been captured when he woke up this morning and found none of us around.  Nor any notes or texts or voicemail.  I knew it was unwise to leave him without any clue as to our whereabouts, but Sam thought Dean would be unhappy if he knew what we were doing.  Of course, he was, but we never got to find out whether he would have been mad as to our actions because he was scared and very angry.  I probably should have ignored him and let Dean know what we were doing earlier in some way, but for angels who apparently disregard orders, we are very obedient and it may take some time to learn how to consciously think about more decisions, rather than just going with the easy 'listen to another and it will be fine' option.
And I was questioning humans and their tendency to do this.  Apparently it is no easier for angels to exercise Free Will.  (It is no less important for all that, however.  For angels or humans.)
Sam was teaching my fellow angels and I how to drive.  Just in case the humans end up incapacitated, and the only escape is through getting away very fast.  Apparently the car as an escape vehicle has earned its reputation.  Flying would probably be faster if we cannot heal them on the spot, but as neither I nor my fellow angel are completely aware of how to use our powers, and Castiel is losing his powers, Sam argued that they might not be reliable.  It was a decent argument.  I do not like being in charge of a vehicle that is large and unwieldy and is highly dangerous both to my vessel and others.  The lack of control annoys me, and I do not think it wise to entrust anyone's safety to someone not completely in charge.  Besides, I fear what would happen to me if I managed to hurt the Impala.
(We were not practicing with the Impala, which was good.  But especially in a desperate situation I would not be so sure about my ability to escape Dean's wrath unharmed if I made one simple mistake.)
After that, Dean insisted we all go out for food and even insisted on having himself, Cas, and my fellow amnesiac angel eat in one 'restaurant'-full of strange smells that do not make my vessel feel very good-and then the whole group going to a separate one just so that Sam and I could have at least one healthy meal for the week.  It was slightly awkward, but I think he fears more for our safety than he will say.
It just took Cas telling him that we were friends for him to take our bleeding vessels in and care for them until we woke.  Just the simple idea of us being a pair of heavenly siblings that would not try to harm Cas or the world or the Winchesters was enough for him to treat us as part of his family-a somewhat humbling idea.
Truly, he has the heart of the Righteous Man.
Now if only others could learn from his example.  (I believe Zachariah, for one, has a heart two sizes too small.)

Finally accepted by Cas as a member of the Trenchcoat Angel Brigade.  (Though our acronym, TAB, may prove to be problematical.)
I still don't fully understand humans-don't think enough, just react off instinct or emotion.  Humans have the ability to think for themselves, rather than having others determine their own lives, so why don't they exercise that ability more often?  (Sam says that "you don't know what you've got until it's gone", which is an interesting piece of human advice that means little to me.  I'm not sure it applies when you never had it in the first place.  Maybe it's something along the lines of "only those that don't have something can truly appreciate its value", which makes a little more sense.  Dean adds that you're not supposed to understand emotion; it just sort of happens.  While this makes more sense, it's also annoying.  I'd prefer to understand, I think.  I can tell when someone's feeling something, but not always why they are feeling that particular emotion, especially if I'm involved.)
I also must question why anyone would watch the Pizza Man when they could be watching something with lots of explosions and/or cheesy monster special effects.  (Dean threw up his hands and made entertaining faces when I asked.  He never answered my question, however.  He also informed Cas that he is not allowed to order pizza again.)