Tag Team

[madimpossibledreamer]

Found a mostly done piece and added to it.  I'll try to get at least one chapter of Giles' Detective Agency done this week, but no promises.
This one's a follow-up (kind of) to Odd Proposal.  Might render First Impressions noncanon, as there was also a shovel mentioned in that one.  Or Buffy really wanted to make sure her point got across.  Pick the answer you like better.
Tag Team Buffy and Willow is a joy to write.  (They're purposefully trying to be terrifying.  Dean's used to things being weird.)
~Dreamer~

Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Assassin's Creed/possibly Mummy??/Supernatural
universe first introduced in primordium
Summary: Willow and Buffy want to have a talk with Dean.  Shovels might be mentioned.
Word Count: 880
Rating: Teen (suggestive comments made, one swear word)

 

          “We’re kidnapping your brother,” the Slayer—Buffy, Sam’s brain supplies.
          “Don’t worry, we’ll bring him back,” the witch—right, Willow—reassures, looking perfectly innocent, unlike Buffy, who’s hyper and seems vaguely demented.  Then again, Xander can pull off the innocent thing, too, so it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
          “He’ll probably still be in one piece,” Buffy adds, and he half-imagines she’s just trying to provoke him and see how much it’ll take.
          “Don’t you dare,” Dean hisses, and that’s enough to make up his mind.
          “Well, if it’s a kidnapping, I don’t have a choice, do I?” he muses out loud, ignoring it when Dean’s gaze turns murderous.  “Try to have fun, Dean.”
          “Watch your back, Sammy,” he warns before he’s dragged off.  He’s got some revenge pranks to plan. 

          “We’re taking you ring shopping,” Willow explains once they’ve dragged him far enough in silence he’s seriously concerned about his own safety.
          “You’re not the only one that deserves to be happy,” the Slayer adds, determined.  “Besides, we haven’t gotten to talk enough, and we don’t want it to just be awkward first meeting at the wedding.”
          “We’re not assuming anything on timing,” Willow adds hastily.  “It’s not going to be the normal one because you two aren’t normal and can’t be, but there will be one eventually, probably in an Assassin compound.  We are definitely going to be there, though, even if I have to teleport spell in.”
          Dean blinks and tries to remind himself that talking about family and feelings is okay, because these girls aren’t his little brother who needs him to be strong and they’re also as good as family for Xander.  He hadn’t said anything specifically, but Dean can read the signs.  Nobody’s going to call him a princess or worse, remind him that acting like a chick flick will get somebody killed.  “Has he said anything?” he asks eventually, hoping Xander has, praying he hasn’t.  Because it’d be sweet, a sign he’s needed, but on the other hand it’d mean he’s not doing his job as a good boyfriend, and that?  That would hurt.
          “Nah.  Like you, he communicates by not communicating.  It’s really pretty impressive.  I might write a thesis,” Willow states blandly.
          Dean hopes that the space case act is just an act.  But then, he’s seen Buffy pull out the Valley Girl, so…yes.  Probably.
          It’s impressive, like a flick of a switch—one moment utterly clueless, the next a seasoned warrior that Dean is really, really grateful happens to be on their side.
          “Oh.  And just a quick warning.  Not like you’ll stop looking at porn, or anything—we’ve been informed that’s normal and healthy and also leads to some pretty good sex, not that he went into detail or anything.”  Buffy wrinkles her nose at the thought.  “But also?  You break his heart, we break you, into many very tiny screaming pieces.  You’ve fought some pretty nasty stuff.  You’ve got an imagination.  Use it, and let it serve as your giant flashing ‘never ever do this’ sign.”  She smiles sweetly, but Dean’s a pro.  He could sense the killing intent a mile away.
          He swallows and mutters nervously, voice a little hoarse, “Understood.”
          “Also, shovels have many uses.”  He is…not going to ask why Willow wouldn’t just use her magic to flay him alive.  He’s a smarter man than that.  He really doesn’t want to know the answer.  Willow fake-pouts as Buffy raises an eyebrow at her.  “What?  It gets the point across.”
          Under most circumstances, maybe he’d consider it embarrassing that two women shorter than him (and human even!) are more terrifying than him.  Other Hunters definitely would.  But then, if they ever decided Buffy was a threat, he’d put his money on the single blonde every time.  Especially as they’d still underestimate her, even if they had all the intelligence (ha!) in the world.  Maybe guns would normally be dangerous to a Slayer, but with the magic charms Willow’s given her?  She might not look it, but she’s a sure bet, every time.
          Still, the pun somehow gave him all the confidence he needs.  Because he’s not gonna break Xander’s heart, so he’s got nothing to fear, really.  And they’re just the kind of gals he loves to make friends with, now that dating is pretty much off the table.  He smirks and holds his arms out so they can link them, and mentally snorts at his younger self that would have been ecstatic to have a girl hanging off either arm.  “Instead of my head, ladies, why don’t we settle for a nice ring for Xander?”
          Buffy starts laughing, deep belly laughs that somehow suit her, despite the Cali Girl looks, and Willow grabs his arm, smiling.  “Oh, yes, I like you.  Xander can definitely keep you.  It’s an improvement on his usual luck anyway.  Did he tell you about the Tsuchigumo?”  She starts babbling about a spider lady all the way to the store, Buffy chiming in occasionally, and Dean starts amusing himself by making a game of trying to spot when she takes a breath.  He isn’t having much luck, but maybe he’ll just ruin Sam’s fun by actually having fun during this kidnapping or outing or whatever the hell you want to call it.