White Carnations
May. 12th, 2024 01:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamerHappy Mother's Day, if you celebrate it, and if not I hope you have a great day anyway.
Main Points:
Persona 4 Verdict AU (P4/Judgment Fusion)
Chapter Summary: Yosuke pays his respects, even if it isn't easy.
Word Count: 1884
Rating: Teen
He’s nervous and not at all sure he can follow through. He misses her so much, but his hands are shaking, and Takeba’s unimpressed stare isn’t helping matters.
He’s been ‘under cover’ helping out Shirogane before. It’s always nerve-wracking, no matter how much he tries to act confident. Some things don’t change. But you gotta act natural, even if your heart’s pounding, even if you feel like throwing up, even if you feel like everyone’s gonna look at you and just know. He’s pulling on that now. Takeba might see through him, but then, she was in the limo (Shirogane’s family owns a limo, they’re rich) as he listened to his music, white-knuckled, in the car, trying to keep his nerves to a manageable level. It’s almost physically painful to leave the headphones in the car, but if he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it right.
The last time he was here, he was a grieving kid already being efficiently adopted by the Ibuka family. He didn’t know what they were going to do, and he still didn’t quite get it, couldn’t quite comprehend that she was gone. He gets it now, kinda. Purifying his hands with water had been more of a reflex, at that point, but he’s at least a little more aware of what he’s doing this time, even if he still feels like he’s watching himself do this stuff, rather than actively doing it himself.
Walking up like he’s a hotshot with two assistants trailing alongside makes him feel uncomfortably like the man they wanted him to be. He’s ignoring that, though. It’s the perfect camouflage.
He bows, already feeling the tears in his eyes, and damn it, this isn’t how this is supposed to go. And of course they used aloeswood, going by the faint lingering scent, and a lot of it, despite the fact that Kaasan hated the smell. Can’t even let her rest easy even when she’s dead. It’d almost serve them right if they got haunted. They’re begging for it. But At least he’s got sandalwood. She’ll get a respite for a bit.
He sets the flowers down, but now his hands are empty and he doesn’t know quite what to do with them. Pray, right, he’s got to do this right. And then after it he’ll clean the gravestone up, though at least they haven’t been making a mess. They wouldn’t, though. Privately doing things that would tick her off is one thing. She hasn’t lived in this village for a long time, and people wouldn’t notice that. Anything too obvious would get them judged, which is the last thing they want.
Be at peace, Kaasan. Sorry I haven’t come to visit for the longest time, but I think you’ll probably understand. You had to live with your brother for years, after all.
He doesn’t get to clean much, to show his appreciation, but what he does get to do is meditative. Restful, even. Some part of him that’s almost always on edge settles.
It’s anticlimactic, honestly. Not that he’d been hoping for something to go wrong. He’d just been so focused on visualizing things going wrong that it’s kind of shocking when nothing does. He’d felt weird the entire time, but now that they’re finally driving away, he’s...grateful, honestly. Even if Shirogane is a meddling weirdo. It just means he fits right in.
It’s not the end, of course, but the rest is private, and—well, he’d thought it’d be fine, just addressing the little shrine he’d finally gotten up in his little apartment the year before, but it hadn’t felt this significant last year, so it was all worth it. He thanks them both, Takeba looking a little surprised by the gesture, when they finally get back to Kamurocho, but he’s out the door before that surprise can turn to anger or anything like that.
More sandalwood, more prayers, the last white carnation, but he’s happy. It might not be much, hell, it might not even be the official household shrine for her, but he’s pretty sure she’d be happier with this than the stuffy proper one in the Ibuka household, and he’s actually grateful she does have a grave and they’re maintaining it...he’s not gonna say well. But they’re maintaining it. She’s still probably throwing a fit it’s not with Tousan, though.
“I, um. I don’t know if you ever intended for me to become a lawyer, like you, but.” He swallows. “I hope I make you proud. I’m studying hard, harder than I pretty much ever have in my life, not that you really need me to tell you that. You were always on my ass about studying, and…” Okay, he’s crying again now. This time it doesn’t feel utterly humiliating, though. “I hated it then, but now I really wish I could hear you scold me one more time? I miss you so much, Kaasan. I love you. And Tousan too, and, like, I’d think about pulling off a heist to get you buried next to each other.”
The thought occurs to him that most of the people he knows would be perfectly happy to help. Oddly, he gets the feeling if he’d mentioned it at the gravesite Takeba would actually have thought about pulling it off there and then, despite not even really liking him. He’s got an odd group of friends (and acquaintances). At least he’s got friends in the first place.
“I’m not doing it, mostly because they’d notice and I don’t want them kicking up a stink even though they probably can’t actually force me to come back to live with them now that I’m of age. You’ll be glad to hear I’m keeping up with the aikido stuff, though it’s kinda less formal these days. Remember Satonaka? Apparently she still remembers Dojima-sensei being a badass, and she’s studying to be a lawyer too, now. We’ll still spar sometimes. I even have a semi-decent apartment, as you can see with the whole shrine and stuff, although I’m half wondering if the rent is so low just ‘cause it’s a stigmatized property Amagi—yeah, that Amagi—illegally declined to mention to me. Not that I really got much choice otherwise.” It’s so much easier talking now than it’s been in the whole year and a half it’s been here. “And I whined about it, the shifts at Junes, but. Thinking back on it, they were actually useful. I mean, I’m still really nervous and feel like everybody’s gonna catch on, but customer service voice and thinking on my feet is really useful when you’re a lawyer, and.” He pauses to actually sort out his thoughts there. “You’re still trying to keep people happy, but in this case, it’s the judge or judges and your client, so confidence and reading what they want is crucial.”
He shifts nervously, but Kaasan won’t judge him, so...to hell with it. “And, uh, Seta. The guy you teased me about having a crush on? You were right, only I was too dense to realize at the time. And he’s even more handsome now, but he’s also…” Shit, he was trying to avoid being a downer. “He doesn’t really want to have much of anything to do with me, but he’s a prosecutor now, just like his parents, so maybe that’s part of it. Just you watch, I’ll kick his ass on a case, and then maybe he’ll stop it with the ‘holier than thou’ bullshit.”
This is helping. All these things that he’s wanted to say for the longest time, but he couldn’t find the words and didn’t want to bug her, despite knowing she’d want to know.
“There’s someone else, Shirogane, the Detective Prince himself. I’ve been helping him out here and there. He’s been really supportive and helpful. Though, uh, I probably bug him a bit too much, sometimes, but I don’t think he minds too much. I make him feel normal and I think he appreciates that.” He laughs and ducks his head, putting a hand on his headphones. He doesn’t wear them out too much these days, ‘cause he’ll get odd looks and he’s trying to act like an adult even if he has absolutely no clue of what he’s doing, but he’s pretty sure Kaasan’s not gonna mind. “He’s an utter weirdo, not that I’m not, but he’s a good friend. The best.”
And he sighs. “Honestly, I might not deserve it, too much. I was a brat when I was a kid, you know? I mean, of course you know, you had to put up with it. I judged everybody who was different, but that was me just being terrified everyone would figure it out, that I was the weirdest of all. And it’s pretty much just Shirogane and the yakuza looking out for me, now. It’s Kirijo-san who put me in touch with Dojima-san to begin with, and I get the feeling he’s the one that let Amagi know I needed a place, too. I owe a lot to him.”
And then he can hear Amagi knock. She must’ve gotten back from Inaba. “Yosuke-kun, I brought some skewers from Souzai Daigaku, and yes, I brought something to keep them cold. Come eat.”
Damn, he’s going to cry again. That timing’s too much to be a coincidence. “Thanks for kicking my ass in gear when I need it, Kaasan,” he whispers, and then gets up to go open the door before Amagi has to knock, again.
Main Points:
Persona 4 Verdict AU (P4/Judgment Fusion)
Chapter Summary: Yosuke pays his respects, even if it isn't easy.
Word Count: 1884
Rating: Teen
Hanamura hadn’t exactly meant for this to become a whole thing, but then, while Shirogane was convinced he was the one to start too many ridiculous plans, he really should look at himself, too. All he’d said was, on one occasion, that he hadn’t gotten to go to his mother’s grave in ages (nor his father’s, but the Ibuka family insisted they be buried separately and no one actually could call them on it), and, on a different one, that all the ads for mother’s day stuff were depressing. The next thing he knows, he’s in a new disguise (because, Shirogane had said, all efficiency, that he would be recognized if he wore his clothes he’d had while homeless, a statement that made him realize, yet again, that the Detective Prince earned that title), a snappy suit, carrying white carnations to her grave. The suit honestly might be a gift to help him look better in court, too, maybe even impress Souji when he sees him again, though so far the few impressions he’s gotten have not been too positive, which is such whiplash from his best friend for all of one year. Shirogane couldn't come himself, but he’d sent the family butler and had managed, somehow, to acquire the aid of one of Mitsuru-san's potentially female yakuza followers. Takeba, he thinks her name is? He's grateful for the help, but really, she scares him. He's pretty sure she'd fight off the whole village to keep him safe, and he's not altogether sure how many broken bones would result, so he's hoping it's a simple in-and-out exercise. The butler, the Detective Prince assured, was mostly to keep him looking in character from a distance, and of course the fact that he no longer dyes his hair helps.
He’s nervous and not at all sure he can follow through. He misses her so much, but his hands are shaking, and Takeba’s unimpressed stare isn’t helping matters.
He’s been ‘under cover’ helping out Shirogane before. It’s always nerve-wracking, no matter how much he tries to act confident. Some things don’t change. But you gotta act natural, even if your heart’s pounding, even if you feel like throwing up, even if you feel like everyone’s gonna look at you and just know. He’s pulling on that now. Takeba might see through him, but then, she was in the limo (Shirogane’s family owns a limo, they’re rich) as he listened to his music, white-knuckled, in the car, trying to keep his nerves to a manageable level. It’s almost physically painful to leave the headphones in the car, but if he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it right.
The last time he was here, he was a grieving kid already being efficiently adopted by the Ibuka family. He didn’t know what they were going to do, and he still didn’t quite get it, couldn’t quite comprehend that she was gone. He gets it now, kinda. Purifying his hands with water had been more of a reflex, at that point, but he’s at least a little more aware of what he’s doing this time, even if he still feels like he’s watching himself do this stuff, rather than actively doing it himself.
Walking up like he’s a hotshot with two assistants trailing alongside makes him feel uncomfortably like the man they wanted him to be. He’s ignoring that, though. It’s the perfect camouflage.
He bows, already feeling the tears in his eyes, and damn it, this isn’t how this is supposed to go. And of course they used aloeswood, going by the faint lingering scent, and a lot of it, despite the fact that Kaasan hated the smell. Can’t even let her rest easy even when she’s dead. It’d almost serve them right if they got haunted. They’re begging for it. But At least he’s got sandalwood. She’ll get a respite for a bit.
He sets the flowers down, but now his hands are empty and he doesn’t know quite what to do with them. Pray, right, he’s got to do this right. And then after it he’ll clean the gravestone up, though at least they haven’t been making a mess. They wouldn’t, though. Privately doing things that would tick her off is one thing. She hasn’t lived in this village for a long time, and people wouldn’t notice that. Anything too obvious would get them judged, which is the last thing they want.
Be at peace, Kaasan. Sorry I haven’t come to visit for the longest time, but I think you’ll probably understand. You had to live with your brother for years, after all.
He doesn’t get to clean much, to show his appreciation, but what he does get to do is meditative. Restful, even. Some part of him that’s almost always on edge settles.
It’s anticlimactic, honestly. Not that he’d been hoping for something to go wrong. He’d just been so focused on visualizing things going wrong that it’s kind of shocking when nothing does. He’d felt weird the entire time, but now that they’re finally driving away, he’s...grateful, honestly. Even if Shirogane is a meddling weirdo. It just means he fits right in.
It’s not the end, of course, but the rest is private, and—well, he’d thought it’d be fine, just addressing the little shrine he’d finally gotten up in his little apartment the year before, but it hadn’t felt this significant last year, so it was all worth it. He thanks them both, Takeba looking a little surprised by the gesture, when they finally get back to Kamurocho, but he’s out the door before that surprise can turn to anger or anything like that.
More sandalwood, more prayers, the last white carnation, but he’s happy. It might not be much, hell, it might not even be the official household shrine for her, but he’s pretty sure she’d be happier with this than the stuffy proper one in the Ibuka household, and he’s actually grateful she does have a grave and they’re maintaining it...he’s not gonna say well. But they’re maintaining it. She’s still probably throwing a fit it’s not with Tousan, though.
“I, um. I don’t know if you ever intended for me to become a lawyer, like you, but.” He swallows. “I hope I make you proud. I’m studying hard, harder than I pretty much ever have in my life, not that you really need me to tell you that. You were always on my ass about studying, and…” Okay, he’s crying again now. This time it doesn’t feel utterly humiliating, though. “I hated it then, but now I really wish I could hear you scold me one more time? I miss you so much, Kaasan. I love you. And Tousan too, and, like, I’d think about pulling off a heist to get you buried next to each other.”
The thought occurs to him that most of the people he knows would be perfectly happy to help. Oddly, he gets the feeling if he’d mentioned it at the gravesite Takeba would actually have thought about pulling it off there and then, despite not even really liking him. He’s got an odd group of friends (and acquaintances). At least he’s got friends in the first place.
“I’m not doing it, mostly because they’d notice and I don’t want them kicking up a stink even though they probably can’t actually force me to come back to live with them now that I’m of age. You’ll be glad to hear I’m keeping up with the aikido stuff, though it’s kinda less formal these days. Remember Satonaka? Apparently she still remembers Dojima-sensei being a badass, and she’s studying to be a lawyer too, now. We’ll still spar sometimes. I even have a semi-decent apartment, as you can see with the whole shrine and stuff, although I’m half wondering if the rent is so low just ‘cause it’s a stigmatized property Amagi—yeah, that Amagi—illegally declined to mention to me. Not that I really got much choice otherwise.” It’s so much easier talking now than it’s been in the whole year and a half it’s been here. “And I whined about it, the shifts at Junes, but. Thinking back on it, they were actually useful. I mean, I’m still really nervous and feel like everybody’s gonna catch on, but customer service voice and thinking on my feet is really useful when you’re a lawyer, and.” He pauses to actually sort out his thoughts there. “You’re still trying to keep people happy, but in this case, it’s the judge or judges and your client, so confidence and reading what they want is crucial.”
He shifts nervously, but Kaasan won’t judge him, so...to hell with it. “And, uh, Seta. The guy you teased me about having a crush on? You were right, only I was too dense to realize at the time. And he’s even more handsome now, but he’s also…” Shit, he was trying to avoid being a downer. “He doesn’t really want to have much of anything to do with me, but he’s a prosecutor now, just like his parents, so maybe that’s part of it. Just you watch, I’ll kick his ass on a case, and then maybe he’ll stop it with the ‘holier than thou’ bullshit.”
This is helping. All these things that he’s wanted to say for the longest time, but he couldn’t find the words and didn’t want to bug her, despite knowing she’d want to know.
“There’s someone else, Shirogane, the Detective Prince himself. I’ve been helping him out here and there. He’s been really supportive and helpful. Though, uh, I probably bug him a bit too much, sometimes, but I don’t think he minds too much. I make him feel normal and I think he appreciates that.” He laughs and ducks his head, putting a hand on his headphones. He doesn’t wear them out too much these days, ‘cause he’ll get odd looks and he’s trying to act like an adult even if he has absolutely no clue of what he’s doing, but he’s pretty sure Kaasan’s not gonna mind. “He’s an utter weirdo, not that I’m not, but he’s a good friend. The best.”
And he sighs. “Honestly, I might not deserve it, too much. I was a brat when I was a kid, you know? I mean, of course you know, you had to put up with it. I judged everybody who was different, but that was me just being terrified everyone would figure it out, that I was the weirdest of all. And it’s pretty much just Shirogane and the yakuza looking out for me, now. It’s Kirijo-san who put me in touch with Dojima-san to begin with, and I get the feeling he’s the one that let Amagi know I needed a place, too. I owe a lot to him.”
And then he can hear Amagi knock. She must’ve gotten back from Inaba. “Yosuke-kun, I brought some skewers from Souzai Daigaku, and yes, I brought something to keep them cold. Come eat.”
Damn, he’s going to cry again. That timing’s too much to be a coincidence. “Thanks for kicking my ass in gear when I need it, Kaasan,” he whispers, and then gets up to go open the door before Amagi has to knock, again.
