Blowing Off Steam

[madimpossibledreamer]

Main Points:
Buffy/Devil May Cry/Resident Evil/Background NCIS Crossover (Hold My Heart)
Chapter Summary: Leon's upset about some gossip, but doesn't want to argue with Xander, so he's not heading home just yet.
Word Count: 1298
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Leon/Xander
Warnings: all only vaguely mentioned, but: sexual trauma (Xander, canon, Faith at the top of a very long list), bad cops (Xander, past, also canon), and gun-associated trauma (Xander, also canon)

         Bang.
         It’s not like Xander didn’t trust you.
         Bang.
         He was getting to it.
         Bang.
         It’s not his fault some gossipy Slayers couldn’t keep their big mouths shut.
         Bang.
         Knowing Xander, it’s possible he didn’t even realize what a big deal this is. Probably why he didn’t talk about it in great detail in that diary he’d made for Valentine’s.
         Bang.
         It’s not him you’re mad at anyway.
         Bang.
         But you can’t talk to him before you cool down.
         Reload, mechanical, because his mind isn’t here.
         It’s on Xander, on the fact that he’s in love with the guy, in deep like he always gets when he’s in love. On how this hurts, and what does that say, that it cannot possibly be worse than it feels for Xander and he doesn’t even know. On the fact that he’s been thinking about learning a few new tricks with Xander, and on how that’s only half of the daydreams he’s had, and some bitch might have messed his boyfriend up so much that—
         No.
         Deep breath, breathe out halfway, hold, and fire again.
         That’s unfair. Sometimes they love people who don’t deserve it. But this Anya lady, she wasn’t like Ada. If—no. When she hurt Xander, it wasn’t on purpose.
         Bang.
         Ada, he suspects, didn’t mean to hurt him either. It’s just that she didn’t care enough to stop. Didn’t care enough to avoid leaving his heart as collateral damage.
         Bang.
         No, stop, this isn’t about him.
         Buzz—
         Ignore. It’s on them, for talking about his boyfriend like he was just a piece of meat. Like Redgrave’s life, his happiness, don’t matter. And it’s not likely they have the full story either.
         Bang.
         It’s not like this is the worst of it. Leon knows, cop’s instincts kicking in, just like he knows Xander isn’t fond of cops.
         Bang.
         Not like he was a bad guy or anything. The opposite, actually. That kind of wariness that only comes from dealing with bad cops, and from the way Xander flinches, Leon can only presume they were the worst.
         Bang.
         It’d be for the best if guys like that got off the force. They don’t. They stick around long enough to become Chief Irons, a spreading poison despite the few good holdouts on the force.
         Bang.
         But what did he know? It’s not like he’d even gotten past his first day. For all he knows, they were just as bad—
         Reload. Restart. Try again.
         This isn’t about you, get that through your skull already. He hopes, but knows it’s statistically unlikely, that the fact that they’re all afraid of guns isn’t related. His sweetheart can’t relax if there’s a gun by the bedside, but sleeps like a baby with the knife there instead. He’s taken to putting his gun in the closet.
         Bang.
         Something bad happened. He half doesn’t want to know what that is. But he can’t not know, because this is his boyfriend and he cares. He still has to help everyone he meets, with special treatment reserved for the one he loves. That still hasn’t changed.
         Bang.
         Maybe they’d wanted him to barge in, start interrogating his boyfriend. It’d be some kind of entertainment.
         Bang.
         He’d been half tempted to do just that, which is why he stopped back at work instead of heading home to the apartment, with a handsome gentleman and movies and takeout du jour waiting.
         Bang.
         That’s why he’s not even reading the text Xander probably sent, worried. He’s not until he can refrain. Xander’s not a suspect, and he deserves to reveal his secrets in his own time, not have Leon cut them out of his chest with a knife.
         Bang.
         He’d been selfish to begin with, demanding Xander talk. He’d been so focused on proving to himself that this isn’t Ada all over again, he never stopped to think about Redgrave’s needs.
         Bang.
         What kind of boyfriend does this make him?
         Reload. Cancel the pity party. Try again.
         He knows there’s worse, too. Faith Lehane is alive. Anya Jenkins is dead.
         Bang.
         Lehane had hurt him, too. He’s had training spotting victims. Survivors. Xander hadn’t been himself around Lehane. The diary had called her an ex. Leon suspects there’s details Xander hadn’t thought worth mentioning.
         Bang.
         When it came to Xander, he hadn’t wanted to start anything, but probably would never protest if Leon started something, even if he didn’t want it.
         Bang.
         It’s frustrating. It’s heartbreaking. It makes Leon want to shoot something. Fortunately, he’s already here at the firing range.
         Bang.
         Should they talk about it? Should Leon clarify he doesn’t ever need to have sex with Xander, not if it’s unwanted? They can work it out.
         Bang.
         He doesn’t want to hurt him worse, doesn’t want to give the impression he’s gone poking where he isn’t wanted, but running scenarios by Willow in this instance just seems wrong.
         Bang.
         It’s Xander’s privacy. Just because he’s got boyfriend privileges doesn’t mean he can just go nosing around like none of this means a damn. Because, well, it’s the furthest thing it could be from that, actually.
         Reload. What can Leon’s looping brain stuck in a spiral do differently?
         The worst part is, he knows waiting is doing a number on Xander’s brain. That he’s already half-convinced he’s unattractive or something, when nothing could be further from the truth.
         Bang.
         And he’s also sure love and sex are so connected for his boyfriend that he’s starting to worry he’s not loved, when it’s just that he doesn’t want to add any more scars, even if they’re invisible...
         Bang.
         Wait, there’s a thought, all the better for being entirely true. He’s mentioned it before, but he’s not sure he’s spelled out what that means.
         Bang.
         He’s waiting because he’s a romantic. He’s waiting because he wants their first time to be amazing, or...well.
         Bang.
         It doesn’t have to be perfect. Agent Leon’s given up on the idea of perfect. But he wants it to be good, and he wants Xander to be included.
         Bang.
         Logically, from there, that means he has to include his sweetheart in the planning process, because his white-haired beauty would not take this kind of surprise well.
         Bang.
         He’s got a plan. Honestly, the plan consists of a declaration somewhere along the lines of “I’m going to romance the shit out of you,” mostly because it’d make his boyfriend laugh and get his attention, but he’s got a plan.
         He holsters his weapon and wanders over to his phone. The text reads, ‘Are you running late, or should I call the President if I don’t hear from you in ten minutes?’ It’s a joke, but it’s also serious, and Leon can’t help but laugh as he imagines Ashley picking up the phone and panicking that her favorite bodyguard went missing just as her father’s gearing up for reelection.
         It’s also only funny because it hasn’t happened yet. ‘No need; made a stop along the way. Sorry to worry you.’ He hesitates, but then realizes he doesn’t need to give the details. ‘I got frustrated by some gossip and had to blow off some steam.’
         The reply is hesitant, mostly because he’s pretty sure Xander desperately tried to figure out the best wording and probably is telling himself he still failed. ‘I’m sorry your day sucked, Agent, but, uh...hopefully movies & me can make it better?’
         ‘You always do.’ He doesn’t hesitate. He could keep imagining the pleased, embarrassed smile, or he could go see it for himself and maybe kiss that smile. They’ll have that talk, but it doesn’t have to be now. For now, they can relax and enjoy each other’s company...once he gets there, of course. He stands up with renewed determination. Time to go home.