Learning to Cope
Oct. 18th, 2022 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamerI wanted to address some canon issues that they will talk about. Eventually. It's not perfect, but they are trying.
Main Points:
Buffy/Devil May Cry/Resident Evil/Background NCIS Crossover
Chapter Summary: Leon and Xander talk through various anxieties.
Word Count: 795
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Leon/Xander
“I’ll make sure they don’t eat you alive,” he promises, and through the bravado he’s more nervous than facing down actual demons. That’s sweet, though, that he wants so badly to make this work.
Leon can’t help but laugh at that, though. Even if it was unintended, the irony is too amusing to go without comment. “Somehow, I think I’ll be fine. I’ve got a lot of experience in that department.”
Xander groans, hiding his head in his hand, but he can’t conceal that goofy smile. “How are you so perfect?” That’s probably not what he meant to say, judging by how he cringes away from himself a little.
“I can always embarrass myself later,” he jokes.
Xander actually considers that briefly before shaking his head.
“Not in front of everyone,” he decides. It’s hard to tell if he’s concerned directly about Leon making a good impression on everyone or whether he’s wanting to impress them. It doesn’t especially matter; either way, it’s not exactly what most people would call the normal response, but then, neither of them were what society would call normal. It’s nice to not have to try to fit himself into those expectations of ‘normal’ anymore and just try to match his own for once. “And, wait, what would you even plan for something like that?”
Leon rubs at the back of his head with the free hand like the embarrassed boy scout he’d been once. “Honestly, I don’t. That kind of thing tends to happen more when I’m not planning ahead. Like when I mistook you for an old man, or when I accidentally stabbed you. That sort of thing.”
The man stops, forcing Kennedy to stop too and meet his eye. “That still bothers you? Because trust me, I’ve done way worse. On purpose, even. I mean, reckless teenager not thinking things through, but still.”
“It’s more…” All right, so the stabbing thing does bother him, but it wouldn’t have happened in the first place if Redgrave wasn’t the kind of guy who could survive that. It’ll probably continue to bother him, which is why reminders the guy he likes is alive are nice to have. “It’s like when you think someone is waving at you, so you wave back and then realize they’re waving at someone else. Logically, it makes no sense to be embarrassed about that. That’s something that happens to everyone. But you feel like you’ve messed up anyway.”
There’s a nod in response, like that makes any sense, and a hand squeeze. “Don’t get me wrong; I can do well in improvised situations. Mainly it’s just…it’d been a while for me, too, social situations with stakes any higher than small talk, and I’m rusty.”
Redgrave makes a face. “Ugh, I get that. How do you deal?”
Leon very carefully doesn’t say ‘by being a functional alcoholic’. That’d alarmed Hunnigan enough, given that she was one of few who even bothered to pay attention to him, though at least to start with it might have been at least partially boredom. Also, he’s gotten a lot better over recent months—being inspired to clean up his act, rather than just hide it. It served as good motivation that Xander had alcoholics in the family, bad experiences from the sound of things, and Leon hadn't wanted to be associated with those painful memories. As well as having another outlet, another way to distract himself from bad memories and pain and forget even for a little while, and not just with Xander, either—he’d been inspired, at least, to be a little more friendly around the office, which is how he’d grown closer with a few of the members of his own team, too. He won’t push himself too hard in the department of making friends, but each one is a victory. “Rehearsing it in my head a lot,” is instead what he goes with; at least it sounds good and also a little less pathetic. “Also, asking for help when I need it and taking a break and coming back to it when I feel stuck or anxious, so I’ll have a fresh mind.”
“I’ll have to try that,” Redgrave agrees with a smile.
Main Points:
Buffy/Devil May Cry/Resident Evil/Background NCIS Crossover
Chapter Summary: Leon and Xander talk through various anxieties.
Word Count: 795
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Leon/Xander
It’s late by the time Xander actually notes the time and realizes the pizza could only stretch so far. Leon barely ate, himself, but this was a present for Xander and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d pushed himself. No big deal, which is why he wouldn’t bring it up unless asked. He doesn’t want the blue-eyed beauty to feel guilty about a decision Leon specifically made. Redgrave sees a light blinking on what looks like a custom email program to find that roughly an hour ago they’d both been invited to dinner.
“I’ll make sure they don’t eat you alive,” he promises, and through the bravado he’s more nervous than facing down actual demons. That’s sweet, though, that he wants so badly to make this work.
Leon can’t help but laugh at that, though. Even if it was unintended, the irony is too amusing to go without comment. “Somehow, I think I’ll be fine. I’ve got a lot of experience in that department.”
Xander groans, hiding his head in his hand, but he can’t conceal that goofy smile. “How are you so perfect?” That’s probably not what he meant to say, judging by how he cringes away from himself a little.
“I can always embarrass myself later,” he jokes.
Xander actually considers that briefly before shaking his head.
“Not in front of everyone,” he decides. It’s hard to tell if he’s concerned directly about Leon making a good impression on everyone or whether he’s wanting to impress them. It doesn’t especially matter; either way, it’s not exactly what most people would call the normal response, but then, neither of them were what society would call normal. It’s nice to not have to try to fit himself into those expectations of ‘normal’ anymore and just try to match his own for once. “And, wait, what would you even plan for something like that?”
Leon rubs at the back of his head with the free hand like the embarrassed boy scout he’d been once. “Honestly, I don’t. That kind of thing tends to happen more when I’m not planning ahead. Like when I mistook you for an old man, or when I accidentally stabbed you. That sort of thing.”
The man stops, forcing Kennedy to stop too and meet his eye. “That still bothers you? Because trust me, I’ve done way worse. On purpose, even. I mean, reckless teenager not thinking things through, but still.”
“It’s more…” All right, so the stabbing thing does bother him, but it wouldn’t have happened in the first place if Redgrave wasn’t the kind of guy who could survive that. It’ll probably continue to bother him, which is why reminders the guy he likes is alive are nice to have. “It’s like when you think someone is waving at you, so you wave back and then realize they’re waving at someone else. Logically, it makes no sense to be embarrassed about that. That’s something that happens to everyone. But you feel like you’ve messed up anyway.”
There’s a nod in response, like that makes any sense, and a hand squeeze. “Don’t get me wrong; I can do well in improvised situations. Mainly it’s just…it’d been a while for me, too, social situations with stakes any higher than small talk, and I’m rusty.”
Redgrave makes a face. “Ugh, I get that. How do you deal?”
Leon very carefully doesn’t say ‘by being a functional alcoholic’. That’d alarmed Hunnigan enough, given that she was one of few who even bothered to pay attention to him, though at least to start with it might have been at least partially boredom. Also, he’s gotten a lot better over recent months—being inspired to clean up his act, rather than just hide it. It served as good motivation that Xander had alcoholics in the family, bad experiences from the sound of things, and Leon hadn't wanted to be associated with those painful memories. As well as having another outlet, another way to distract himself from bad memories and pain and forget even for a little while, and not just with Xander, either—he’d been inspired, at least, to be a little more friendly around the office, which is how he’d grown closer with a few of the members of his own team, too. He won’t push himself too hard in the department of making friends, but each one is a victory. “Rehearsing it in my head a lot,” is instead what he goes with; at least it sounds good and also a little less pathetic. “Also, asking for help when I need it and taking a break and coming back to it when I feel stuck or anxious, so I’ll have a fresh mind.”
“I’ll have to try that,” Redgrave agrees with a smile.
