Regret the Complex
Mar. 13th, 2022 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamerJotaro, take your own advice.
Josuke continues to try to be the most responsible uncle he can be (sad thing is, he's probably the most responsible family member besides Jonathan. This from a guy who got into a drunken fight over a lottery ticket, and no, I'm not going to explain further if you haven't watched the episode/read the manga.)
Main Points:
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Summary: Good relationships with fathers is not a Joestar family trait.
Word Count: 1781
Rating: Teen
Warning: Joestar family dynamics involve ptsd, angst, complicated situations, imperfect parenting, people who are trying their best but their best isn't enough...so, more angst than hurt/comfort, even if Josuke is trying.
Still, his relative isn’t talking. Which means he’s not bringing up the lecture, and all Josuke wants is to get that out of the way. It keeps not coming up, and finally Josuke can’t stand just waiting anymore. “Look, just tell me I should get to know Mr. Joestar already, so I can tell you to mind your own business.” He would’ve been more direct earlier, before he’d gotten the idea the man would listen.
Jotaro-san finally, finally glances up, and between the furrowed brow and the way he’s staring at Josuke’s face like he’s looking for answers, he almost looks…confused? “Why would I do that,” he asks in the same, low, inflectionless tone he’d used before.
…Huh?
“It’s the last thing I’d want to hear, so I figured you’d be the same.” Wait. What. Josuke’s definitely missing something.
“The thesis was being a pain, and I can’t punch it. Figured a change in scenery could help.”
There’s a lot to unpack there, and suddenly, Josuke feels guilty for assuming anything. “I mean, it’s not—” He swallows, suddenly feeling petty and small. “I haven’t talked to Mom about it, because to know he’s here, and that he can’t stay or be a part of the family would break her.” He’s pretty sure the glare isn’t for him; Jotaro-san had been smiling, he’s pretty sure, about how Mr. Joestar’s wife had been angry. Josuke still hated that he was the cause, but Jotaro-san doesn’t seem to believe in things like family disruption. Maybe in the exact same sort of way he doesn’t believe in socks. Jotaro-san loves his grandfather; it’s clear in the way he’d willingly told stories about him. At the same time, though, there’s a cold tone when he addresses him now, and—
Huh.
Actually, Josuke should’ve seen this coming, because while Jotaro-san isn’t obviously avoiding Mr. Joestar, he is avoiding him. It’s not like he’s going out of his way to avoid him, which is why the teenager hadn’t noticed before now. But he’s also not actively seeking him out, which isn’t a thing Josuke would’ve thought he’d be able to say about his nephew but actually completely is. Because he’s here, now, voluntarily, and he’s not doing that for Mr. Joestar.
“But it’s what she’d say. She loved him so much it hurts her, and I’m still mad at him for that. She’d want me to get to know him, but everything’s fine as it is. We were happy enough without him coming here. I just…” Humiliated, he feels tears on his cheeks. “I didn’t want things to change. I still don’t. We were happy.”
Jotaro stands slowly, reluctantly. He walks over to place an awkward hand on Josuke’s shoulder. “When I was talking about Stand Users, I wasn’t just talking about them,” he states quietly. “Most Joestars just…break things. You’re the only one of us that fixes them.”
He realizes his mistake too late. “I didn’t mean you,” he starts, but Jotaro-san just shakes his head.
“It’s what happens,” he insists, still quiet, and suddenly a lot of this makes a horrifying amount of sense. His nephew mentioning being a bother. His reluctance to ask for anything, any sorts of accommodations whatsoever, because he doesn’t think he deserves it.
And sure, he might just…look at Josuke arguing with his self-loathing or whatever it is as just another adorable attempt by the fixer to try to help someone who’s a lost cause, but as a responsible uncle, he can’t leave the situation alone, either. And maybe all he needs to do is be honest, because it’s definitely anything but cliché.
So he smiles as wide as he can manage when he’s still reeling from the guilt and grief and his new revelation, and isn’t quite as loud or bombastic as normal. “You’re fixing things just fine right now.”
From this distance, he doesn’t miss the widening of Jotaro-san’s eyes. Good. Maybe he can surprise him out of bad thought patterns he’s been stuck in for who knows how long.
“What.” This time, it’s actually flat because he doesn’t understand what’s happening.
“Well, just…forgiveness is this thing that, y’know, they only show bad people not doing. It’s not even like I think he’s this bad person, you know? But I’m conflicted, and I know Koichi’s judging me, and he’s the best of us. So, I just…I was starting to feel like I was the bad guy here.” The words aren’t quite adequate, not for what he’s feeling, but they’re all he has. For this, anyway. “And you’re here, saying that’s fine, and I’m not actually the bad guy here for struggling here, and if I’m not a bad guy for that, then you aren’t either.” He stops, watching Jotaro’s expression, feeling the hand on his arm tighten like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.
“I can see how you ended up with Crazy Diamond,” is all he says, but he looks…lighter. Maybe it’s something in his shoulders, maybe he looks a little less stiff. Whatever it is, it seems like it actually helped.
“So, you get having a dad that…” he starts, and then quickly backtracks. “Well, that’s if you want to talk about it, that is.”
Jotaro considers that and walks back to sit at the desk again. This time, he turns the chair to face Josuke, though. “Kujo Sadao.”
This time, his pause seems to be waiting for a response, maybe. “That’s your dad’s name?”
The slight smirk on Jotaro-san’s face probably isn’t actually all that nice, but that’s fine. “Guess you haven’t heard of him.” Wait, he’s famous, too? No wonder he got how Josuke was feeling, what with Mr. Joestar some famous real estate guy or something.
“Should I have?” is what he says out loud, because he’s actually trying to watch what he says now.
“He’s a jazz musician. People say he’s famous, and he cared about that.” With a sinking feeling, Josuke thinks he can finish the sentence: ‘more than he cared about us’. “When you got sick, you weren’t the only one. That was when you were getting your Stand.”
Oh. That makes sense, he supposes.
“Mom got a Stand she couldn’t control at first, too.” Simultaneously, they both make the same face—sure, Jotaro-san’s expression is a little muted, as per his usual, but Josuke’s almost certain it’s because the same thing occurred to them both simultaneously—that that’s Josuke’s half-sibling, so it makes perfect sense. They both move on like that never happened, though. “Mom was trying not to worry anyone, but still…He never came back from tour. Never called. Never sent money for her care, never asked about it later. As far as I could tell, never even noticed.”
Even if he’s not calling for a specific reason, it feels, absolutely, like there should be, Josuke doesn’t know, daily or every other day calls, or something. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet, but he imagines if he had to be away for a while, he’d try to call. “The doctors said I might have died,” he states, suddenly nervous. He hadn’t really thought about that seriously in a while, because he’d lived, so the maybes didn’t matter.
His nephew just nods.
That’s….pretty bad. He’s not given long to think about that before Jotaro-san’s expression sours again. “’Course, I’m one to talk.”
Josuke holds up his hands, slightly incredulous. “I mean, I get it, but it’s a little early to be worrying about that, right? I mean, you’re not even dating—”
“I have a daughter I haven’t seen for a couple months.” It’s so matter-of-fact Josuke doesn’t process that right away.
“Waiiiiiit Jotaro-san, what? That’s kind of heavy information…I mean, what? Why am I only now hearing about my…” He pauses, trying to calculate. “…grand-niece now?”
The hat gets tugged down again. Jotaro-san definitely uses it when he’s not comfortable and needs to hide, Josuke confirms. “It wasn’t important.”
At least he acknowledged the hypocrisy here. Even then, he doesn’t actually blame Jotaro-san, though the list of things he has to fix just keep growing, which kinda sucks. He’s still cool, but if anything, what Josuke’s learned today is that he has issues expressing himself, and has both self-esteem issues as well as what is very possibly anxiety, because several of the things he’s said and several of the reactions he’s had have said that he expects to be thrown out at any time. And if he didn’t marry someone willing to be patient, to look beneath the surface… “I think we just confirmed that it kinda is, actually.”
The hand stays firmly on the hat. “My wife wanted me to take her on this trip. I dealt with another Stand incident directly before this.”
Which…okay, yeah, that’s not the place for a kid who may or may not even have a Stand to defend themselves. “That makes sense…” he tries to reassure the man, who shakes his head.
“A good excuse is still an excuse,” he rumbles, and yeah, okay.
Well, if words won’t do, Jotaro-san’s good with action, right? Concrete steps he can take might help, maybe. “You’re at least calling them, right? And you’ve got pictures.”
That he obviously needs to see immediately.
Jotaro-san turns around to fetch his wallet easily enough, which—well, at least it’s something right. Though he gets the feeling Mr. Joestar would’ve had pictures, too, if the spirit photo thing had worked right in the first place. “I’m…trying.” So he’d caught him during the middle of a crisis. No wonder he didn’t want to be stuck with his own thoughts in a hotel room. “They’re not picking up. Speedwagon agents checked on them, and they’re fine, just…”
“Just blocking your number specifically, huh.” Heavy is right. Now he really wishes he was the older one so he had more life experience for sage uncle advice. “…You could try sending physical mail? They could still not read it, maybe, but it’s better than leaving message after message.” Jotaro-san stares at the floor, closed wallet still in hand. “You’re…leaving messages, right?”
“Yes.” But they’re probably really short, huh. Because Jotaro-san isn’t good with words.
“Well, keep trying. And definitely send mail, too.” And then Jotaro-san pulls out the pictures of a tiny girl with pigtails, very possibly as a distraction, but it is totally effective and Josuke’s not even complaining, just cooing the requisite amount.
Josuke continues to try to be the most responsible uncle he can be (sad thing is, he's probably the most responsible family member besides Jonathan. This from a guy who got into a drunken fight over a lottery ticket, and no, I'm not going to explain further if you haven't watched the episode/read the manga.)
Main Points:
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Summary: Good relationships with fathers is not a Joestar family trait.
Word Count: 1781
Rating: Teen
Warning: Joestar family dynamics involve ptsd, angst, complicated situations, imperfect parenting, people who are trying their best but their best isn't enough...so, more angst than hurt/comfort, even if Josuke is trying.
Josuke’s nephew doesn’t really respond beyond a grunt here and there to Josuke’s continued talking or the music. He’d wonder if he was being annoying, except he notices Jotaro-san’s foot tapping along to the rhythm, quiet and only barely perceptible but still very, very important.
Still, his relative isn’t talking. Which means he’s not bringing up the lecture, and all Josuke wants is to get that out of the way. It keeps not coming up, and finally Josuke can’t stand just waiting anymore. “Look, just tell me I should get to know Mr. Joestar already, so I can tell you to mind your own business.” He would’ve been more direct earlier, before he’d gotten the idea the man would listen.
Jotaro-san finally, finally glances up, and between the furrowed brow and the way he’s staring at Josuke’s face like he’s looking for answers, he almost looks…confused? “Why would I do that,” he asks in the same, low, inflectionless tone he’d used before.
…Huh?
“It’s the last thing I’d want to hear, so I figured you’d be the same.” Wait. What. Josuke’s definitely missing something.
“The thesis was being a pain, and I can’t punch it. Figured a change in scenery could help.”
There’s a lot to unpack there, and suddenly, Josuke feels guilty for assuming anything. “I mean, it’s not—” He swallows, suddenly feeling petty and small. “I haven’t talked to Mom about it, because to know he’s here, and that he can’t stay or be a part of the family would break her.” He’s pretty sure the glare isn’t for him; Jotaro-san had been smiling, he’s pretty sure, about how Mr. Joestar’s wife had been angry. Josuke still hated that he was the cause, but Jotaro-san doesn’t seem to believe in things like family disruption. Maybe in the exact same sort of way he doesn’t believe in socks. Jotaro-san loves his grandfather; it’s clear in the way he’d willingly told stories about him. At the same time, though, there’s a cold tone when he addresses him now, and—
Huh.
Actually, Josuke should’ve seen this coming, because while Jotaro-san isn’t obviously avoiding Mr. Joestar, he is avoiding him. It’s not like he’s going out of his way to avoid him, which is why the teenager hadn’t noticed before now. But he’s also not actively seeking him out, which isn’t a thing Josuke would’ve thought he’d be able to say about his nephew but actually completely is. Because he’s here, now, voluntarily, and he’s not doing that for Mr. Joestar.
“But it’s what she’d say. She loved him so much it hurts her, and I’m still mad at him for that. She’d want me to get to know him, but everything’s fine as it is. We were happy enough without him coming here. I just…” Humiliated, he feels tears on his cheeks. “I didn’t want things to change. I still don’t. We were happy.”
Jotaro stands slowly, reluctantly. He walks over to place an awkward hand on Josuke’s shoulder. “When I was talking about Stand Users, I wasn’t just talking about them,” he states quietly. “Most Joestars just…break things. You’re the only one of us that fixes them.”
He realizes his mistake too late. “I didn’t mean you,” he starts, but Jotaro-san just shakes his head.
“It’s what happens,” he insists, still quiet, and suddenly a lot of this makes a horrifying amount of sense. His nephew mentioning being a bother. His reluctance to ask for anything, any sorts of accommodations whatsoever, because he doesn’t think he deserves it.
And sure, he might just…look at Josuke arguing with his self-loathing or whatever it is as just another adorable attempt by the fixer to try to help someone who’s a lost cause, but as a responsible uncle, he can’t leave the situation alone, either. And maybe all he needs to do is be honest, because it’s definitely anything but cliché.
So he smiles as wide as he can manage when he’s still reeling from the guilt and grief and his new revelation, and isn’t quite as loud or bombastic as normal. “You’re fixing things just fine right now.”
From this distance, he doesn’t miss the widening of Jotaro-san’s eyes. Good. Maybe he can surprise him out of bad thought patterns he’s been stuck in for who knows how long.
“What.” This time, it’s actually flat because he doesn’t understand what’s happening.
“Well, just…forgiveness is this thing that, y’know, they only show bad people not doing. It’s not even like I think he’s this bad person, you know? But I’m conflicted, and I know Koichi’s judging me, and he’s the best of us. So, I just…I was starting to feel like I was the bad guy here.” The words aren’t quite adequate, not for what he’s feeling, but they’re all he has. For this, anyway. “And you’re here, saying that’s fine, and I’m not actually the bad guy here for struggling here, and if I’m not a bad guy for that, then you aren’t either.” He stops, watching Jotaro’s expression, feeling the hand on his arm tighten like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.
“I can see how you ended up with Crazy Diamond,” is all he says, but he looks…lighter. Maybe it’s something in his shoulders, maybe he looks a little less stiff. Whatever it is, it seems like it actually helped.
“So, you get having a dad that…” he starts, and then quickly backtracks. “Well, that’s if you want to talk about it, that is.”
Jotaro considers that and walks back to sit at the desk again. This time, he turns the chair to face Josuke, though. “Kujo Sadao.”
This time, his pause seems to be waiting for a response, maybe. “That’s your dad’s name?”
The slight smirk on Jotaro-san’s face probably isn’t actually all that nice, but that’s fine. “Guess you haven’t heard of him.” Wait, he’s famous, too? No wonder he got how Josuke was feeling, what with Mr. Joestar some famous real estate guy or something.
“Should I have?” is what he says out loud, because he’s actually trying to watch what he says now.
“He’s a jazz musician. People say he’s famous, and he cared about that.” With a sinking feeling, Josuke thinks he can finish the sentence: ‘more than he cared about us’. “When you got sick, you weren’t the only one. That was when you were getting your Stand.”
Oh. That makes sense, he supposes.
“Mom got a Stand she couldn’t control at first, too.” Simultaneously, they both make the same face—sure, Jotaro-san’s expression is a little muted, as per his usual, but Josuke’s almost certain it’s because the same thing occurred to them both simultaneously—that that’s Josuke’s half-sibling, so it makes perfect sense. They both move on like that never happened, though. “Mom was trying not to worry anyone, but still…He never came back from tour. Never called. Never sent money for her care, never asked about it later. As far as I could tell, never even noticed.”
Even if he’s not calling for a specific reason, it feels, absolutely, like there should be, Josuke doesn’t know, daily or every other day calls, or something. He doesn’t even have a girlfriend yet, but he imagines if he had to be away for a while, he’d try to call. “The doctors said I might have died,” he states, suddenly nervous. He hadn’t really thought about that seriously in a while, because he’d lived, so the maybes didn’t matter.
His nephew just nods.
That’s….pretty bad. He’s not given long to think about that before Jotaro-san’s expression sours again. “’Course, I’m one to talk.”
Josuke holds up his hands, slightly incredulous. “I mean, I get it, but it’s a little early to be worrying about that, right? I mean, you’re not even dating—”
“I have a daughter I haven’t seen for a couple months.” It’s so matter-of-fact Josuke doesn’t process that right away.
“Waiiiiiit Jotaro-san, what? That’s kind of heavy information…I mean, what? Why am I only now hearing about my…” He pauses, trying to calculate. “…grand-niece now?”
The hat gets tugged down again. Jotaro-san definitely uses it when he’s not comfortable and needs to hide, Josuke confirms. “It wasn’t important.”
At least he acknowledged the hypocrisy here. Even then, he doesn’t actually blame Jotaro-san, though the list of things he has to fix just keep growing, which kinda sucks. He’s still cool, but if anything, what Josuke’s learned today is that he has issues expressing himself, and has both self-esteem issues as well as what is very possibly anxiety, because several of the things he’s said and several of the reactions he’s had have said that he expects to be thrown out at any time. And if he didn’t marry someone willing to be patient, to look beneath the surface… “I think we just confirmed that it kinda is, actually.”
The hand stays firmly on the hat. “My wife wanted me to take her on this trip. I dealt with another Stand incident directly before this.”
Which…okay, yeah, that’s not the place for a kid who may or may not even have a Stand to defend themselves. “That makes sense…” he tries to reassure the man, who shakes his head.
“A good excuse is still an excuse,” he rumbles, and yeah, okay.
Well, if words won’t do, Jotaro-san’s good with action, right? Concrete steps he can take might help, maybe. “You’re at least calling them, right? And you’ve got pictures.”
That he obviously needs to see immediately.
Jotaro-san turns around to fetch his wallet easily enough, which—well, at least it’s something right. Though he gets the feeling Mr. Joestar would’ve had pictures, too, if the spirit photo thing had worked right in the first place. “I’m…trying.” So he’d caught him during the middle of a crisis. No wonder he didn’t want to be stuck with his own thoughts in a hotel room. “They’re not picking up. Speedwagon agents checked on them, and they’re fine, just…”
“Just blocking your number specifically, huh.” Heavy is right. Now he really wishes he was the older one so he had more life experience for sage uncle advice. “…You could try sending physical mail? They could still not read it, maybe, but it’s better than leaving message after message.” Jotaro-san stares at the floor, closed wallet still in hand. “You’re…leaving messages, right?”
“Yes.” But they’re probably really short, huh. Because Jotaro-san isn’t good with words.
“Well, keep trying. And definitely send mail, too.” And then Jotaro-san pulls out the pictures of a tiny girl with pigtails, very possibly as a distraction, but it is totally effective and Josuke’s not even complaining, just cooing the requisite amount.
