Into a Mirror Darkly
Dec. 3rd, 2024 06:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamerMain Points:
Buffy/Devil May Cry
Chapter Summary: Giles explores the mirror maze.
Word Count: 735
Rating: Teen
He’d been able to avoid this for so long. Looking in a mirror and truly reflecting, as was his duty. Just as he had when he’d become a warlock, sacrificing his past for his future and never looking back. Only he knows, more than anyone, that’s all a lie.
It may be mere mundane magic, making him reflect upon his situation, as it were. On who he was, is, will be. Because it’s not separate, and never was, no matter how he’d tried to deny his heritage, and then deny his years of rebellion. But in the end, it’d been more a case of yin and yang, and there was more than a little of the Warlock in the Watcher and Watcher in the Warlock. Clinging to old ways, refusing to acknowledge that, is not just going to get him killed, or worse. It’s also going to kill or at least be severely detrimental to his charges, and already has been.
Still, the mirrors seem to be reminding him of something different, of how easy it had been. He’d been concerned about it, about tucking away anything that made him different, anything less than a perfect Watcher, obsessive about rejecting anything not approved by the Council. When he’d been the warlock, he hadn’t had to worry. It had just been fun, easy, and certainly he misses...the closeness. The warmth. Admittedly, some of those sexual encounters had been strangers, but they weren’t, not always, and he does, in fact, miss the crew. Ethan, in particular, but then, they’d always goaded each other further and further, a push and pull irresistible and seductive and he hadn’t even wanted to try to disentangle himself from it. Any of it.
Still, it’s not all roses or a beautiful, easy life, no matter what his memories might try to make of the matter. He’d been rather selfish either way, hadn’t he? He hadn’t even bothered to think about who he might be hurting, or, in the few cases he had, he’d justified himself, like with the boy’s devilish heritage. The distant past is no unblemished utopia, while the not-so-distant past had ended with his loyalty repaid with betrayal, and the present was a limbo of refusing to move onward, despite the fact that he should have realized by this point that he cannot continue to live in the past, as if nothing has changed.
It’d been easy, to pretend that he was above everything, that he was superior, but that was all it was. Easy, a way for him to never examine what he was doing, never stop and think about perhaps he was the one who was far from living up to his potential.
The only thing left is the future. The future, and what the children make of it, with or without his help, and whether he wants to be a part of it. And he does, he realizes. As annoying as they can be, he’s grown rather fond of even Xander and Willow, and Willow deserves a mentor to steer her away from his own mistakes. They all deserve better supervision, and true, he’d brought them here as a gesture, but it had been merely that. A gesture. He’d known he was going about this all wrong, but he hadn’t the courage to step forward and admit it for the empty gesture it was, to truly face himself, as his image in the mirror, and say that yes, he has not moved on, or improved, merely stagnated. It’s time to admit it, to acknowledge that he has done harm, to face those he has hurt and truly apologize, to pledge to do better and hold himself accountable for doing so.
He finds that he’s located the center of the mirror maze, having wandered as if in a daze, and is facing his final reflection. And then he staggers back, feeling a little cold and empty. This is familiar, and worse, he knows exactly why. Coupled with the pain in his forearm, he has a very, very bad feeling about all of this. He needs to find and warn the others, before they can likewise come to harm.
Buffy/Devil May Cry
Chapter Summary: Giles explores the mirror maze.
Word Count: 735
Rating: Teen
The mirror maze. It’s a siren song, and Rupert knows better but he’s helpless to resist, drawn in like a moth to the flame. Magic that whispers, beckons seductively, is never, as the children would put it, of the good.
He’d been able to avoid this for so long. Looking in a mirror and truly reflecting, as was his duty. Just as he had when he’d become a warlock, sacrificing his past for his future and never looking back. Only he knows, more than anyone, that’s all a lie.
It may be mere mundane magic, making him reflect upon his situation, as it were. On who he was, is, will be. Because it’s not separate, and never was, no matter how he’d tried to deny his heritage, and then deny his years of rebellion. But in the end, it’d been more a case of yin and yang, and there was more than a little of the Warlock in the Watcher and Watcher in the Warlock. Clinging to old ways, refusing to acknowledge that, is not just going to get him killed, or worse. It’s also going to kill or at least be severely detrimental to his charges, and already has been.
Still, the mirrors seem to be reminding him of something different, of how easy it had been. He’d been concerned about it, about tucking away anything that made him different, anything less than a perfect Watcher, obsessive about rejecting anything not approved by the Council. When he’d been the warlock, he hadn’t had to worry. It had just been fun, easy, and certainly he misses...the closeness. The warmth. Admittedly, some of those sexual encounters had been strangers, but they weren’t, not always, and he does, in fact, miss the crew. Ethan, in particular, but then, they’d always goaded each other further and further, a push and pull irresistible and seductive and he hadn’t even wanted to try to disentangle himself from it. Any of it.
Still, it’s not all roses or a beautiful, easy life, no matter what his memories might try to make of the matter. He’d been rather selfish either way, hadn’t he? He hadn’t even bothered to think about who he might be hurting, or, in the few cases he had, he’d justified himself, like with the boy’s devilish heritage. The distant past is no unblemished utopia, while the not-so-distant past had ended with his loyalty repaid with betrayal, and the present was a limbo of refusing to move onward, despite the fact that he should have realized by this point that he cannot continue to live in the past, as if nothing has changed.
It’d been easy, to pretend that he was above everything, that he was superior, but that was all it was. Easy, a way for him to never examine what he was doing, never stop and think about perhaps he was the one who was far from living up to his potential.
The only thing left is the future. The future, and what the children make of it, with or without his help, and whether he wants to be a part of it. And he does, he realizes. As annoying as they can be, he’s grown rather fond of even Xander and Willow, and Willow deserves a mentor to steer her away from his own mistakes. They all deserve better supervision, and true, he’d brought them here as a gesture, but it had been merely that. A gesture. He’d known he was going about this all wrong, but he hadn’t the courage to step forward and admit it for the empty gesture it was, to truly face himself, as his image in the mirror, and say that yes, he has not moved on, or improved, merely stagnated. It’s time to admit it, to acknowledge that he has done harm, to face those he has hurt and truly apologize, to pledge to do better and hold himself accountable for doing so.
He finds that he’s located the center of the mirror maze, having wandered as if in a daze, and is facing his final reflection. And then he staggers back, feeling a little cold and empty. This is familiar, and worse, he knows exactly why. Coupled with the pain in his forearm, he has a very, very bad feeling about all of this. He needs to find and warn the others, before they can likewise come to harm.
