Mutual Preoccupation

[madimpossibledreamer]

There’s a small piece of malachite in the center like an eye (protection, danger sense, resist temptation, luck, balanced eye on shortcomings, avoid taking on other people’s problems, healthiest, happiest, confidence), cradled in a silver pentacle, (focus, femininity, purity, clarity, persistence, vision, strength) and quartz (amplifying energy) beads on the outer silver circle.

Main Points:
Buffy/Dresden Files Crossover
Chapter Summary: Xander finally acts on Steel's confession with one of his own.
Word Count: 930
Rating: Teen

         I focus all my energy into the pendant, and it lights up like a beacon. I don’t have to glance back to see how close Steel is behind me. He’s not…scared, not necessarily, but he hasn’t gotten to where he is by reckless action, and he’s seen me throw up shields. He knows it’s easier for me to cast shields when we’re closer together.
         Also, if I’m honest, I’m guessing that while he’s got iron control, he still allows himself little things like staying close to his crush. Not too close, not that it would bother me. At least…most of the time, it wouldn’t bother me.
         The thing is, I’d thought about what he’d said. I’d thought about it a lot. It’s not like he was—okay, he’s a good-looking guy. I’d noticed that the first time I met him, only I hadn’t actively thought about it because I can be oblivious. I found him attractive; I just didn’t realize it. Though to be fair, I might have been subconsciously trying not to think about it. Criminal tendencies and all. And also side effects from Rack throwing magic at me like ‘bad dog, stop being bisexual’. And also no, I still can’t explain my brain, thanks.
         I know that’s not why he told me. He’d be fine if nothing ever happened, but…I found I liked all of it. His attention, his teasing, the fact that he was being a complete gentleman about the whole thing. If I said yes it wasn’t like I could guarantee he wouldn’t hurt me. He would. Sooner or later we’d have an argument because of his “business”, and it’s not like I didn’t think we could come to a confrontation of some kind sooner or later, either. But his soul also told me that if I asked him out (the ball was in my court, after all), he would do the absolute best not to hurt me, to make me happy, that anyone I’d ever met. And he would keep our city safe, and we needed all the allies we could get. I didn’t approve, not really, but at the same time it wasn’t quite the dealbreaker it had been when he’d first confessed. We’d already lost a lot, and I needed something safe, something that was mine. We couldn’t afford to get all Holier than Thou, either, not the way things had been going. It bothered me, sure, and it’s not like I was sliding on my Alignment, it was more…we were expanding our allowed Alignments in our party. As much as I hated to admit it, the good/evil balance usually forced him more toward the Neutral middle of things, because he was perfectly fine with hurting some people and couldn’t stand other people getting hurt. It probably wouldn’t have gone that far if he didn’t care this much about the citizens of what he thought of as his city. (I was pretty sure about the Lawful thing, though, which seems like a cosmic joke given his profession, but makes perfect sense when you think about him using his Code of Honor as his law, and now I’m mixing game systems.) As usual, my decisions weren’t too easy, but then, he was actually standing back and letting me make the decision for myself. He wouldn’t force my hand.
         So I go for what I’d wanted years ago, finding and hanging out at that club, only he pulls away almost immediately, and for two seconds I assume it’s something to do with the goblins, only I don’t hear anything.
         “Oh, uh…” I guess that hadn’t been quite the declaration I’d hoped. I didn’t regret it, though. It was a nice kiss. “You’ve got a boyfriend now.”
         Usually, Steel has a pretty good poker face. He’s not hiding anything now. Hope and worry float across his face, chasing each other. “Are you sure?”
         I almost wince, but hide that. I want to show to him, to the world, that yes, I’m serious about this. “Nope!” I announce cheerfully and continue down the corridor. Thanks, brain. I love you too.
        As expected, he doesn’t take that well, chasing me down and grabbing my hand in an iron grip. “Mr. Kaplan, I will not—”
         “Xander. Please. At least when we’re alone.” He’s still gaping and probably gathering together another speech. “Look, I’m an impulsive guy. I’m not a thinker type like you and Willow. I can do a pros and cons list as well as the next person, but in the end you had a point. I gotta go with pathos. And my heart is saying that yeah, I wanna make this move now.” While he’s still staring, I add thoughtfully because it occurs to me that it might be relevant, “Also, I think Willow actually sort of approves. I mean, she did give you the shovel speech the first time you met and hasn’t followed through.”
         He takes a deep breath, considers my speech, and then nods decisively. “As ecstatic as I am about you actually listening to me for once, we are, sadly, in the middle of something.” He’s...right, actually.
         “Right, sorry.” I start inching forward again when he adjusts his grip on my hand to something pleasant.
         “Please, don’t apologize for this,” he suggests gently. “I approve.”
         I’d retort, except this time I do hear a noise, and we really need to be prepared, and fortunately despite our mutual current preoccupation we’re both actually competent professionals when the situation calls for it. Reluctantly he drops our joined hands to (probably) silently draw his gun.