Arriving at a New Station

[madimpossibledreamer]

Main Points:
Buffy/Dresden Files Crossover
Chapter Summary: Steel becomes an Accords power and Xander has mixed feelings about it.
Word Count: 750
Rating: Teen
there's definitely a mutual crush here

        This is a formal function. Also, I can't be undermining Steel's new power by throwing a fit, no matter how much I feel like it. So I wait until a quiet moment after everyone else has finished congratulating him on his new position (even if half of them probably don't mean it) before taking a small glass of the champagne and downing it all at once for liquid courage, then heading directly to him as he enjoys the garden.
        The suit feels like it's strangling me...well, actually, that's probably the tie. I hate these things. They emphasize how skinny I am, and I never look good. Maybe I'll try to find a vest from Goodwill or something for the next function, because as nice as the thought is, I'm not delusional enough to think this will be the last time. If it's nice enough, I might be able to get away with dress pants and a button-up. Thing is, with that and the way I kind of slouch, nobody'd really paid attention to me before, but with the purposeful way I move now, suddenly they're all staying out of my way. Which is just how I want it. I don't exactly want to draw attention to this or the raging stormcloud above my head, but this is as smart as I can play it, given how angry I feel.
        "Becoming a member of the Accords?" I lower my voice, but there's no hiding the anger.
        He turns to look at me, but his blue eyes are just as hard, just as unyielding as my own. He swirls the champagne in his own glass before he responds. "I was only as forthcoming as you about your own predicament. The Doom of Damocles, I gather."
        He's actually angry about that, and I swallow, my fury vanishing. He likes Willow, and likes having me around. If the woman he's interested in died and he had no idea why...if he couldn't tease me and banter with me anymore... I can't even hold his being upset against him. I'd be pretty pissed too.
        "That was removed." Recently, but still.
        He just raises an eyebrow, jaw clenched, and I shift, feeling the need to pull at the tie. I'd swear Willow got it too tight. She was far too amused by all of this, helping me get ready.
        "I couldn't tell you about it. That'd be a violation of the Doom, and sure, I might not matter too much, but I wouldn't put Willow at risk," I explain. I don't know why I'm so invested. I shouldn't be. But for whatever reason it really matters what he thinks, and I need him to understand, not to judge.
        Hastily, he hands me his glass, and I stare at it and open my mouth to ask, but then I see him breathe deeply, consciously, and his hand clenches hard.
        "I never," he growls, deep and dangerous, and instantly I see that white wolf in his soul again, snarling at me, "...want to hear you state you don't matter ever again."
        I've never been scared by him before--scared of him, sure, of what he might do, but scared of him? For my own personal safety? Not after our first meeting, no. Now, though, in an ironic contrast to his words, I sort of am.
        He shakes himself a little, a wolf removing water from its coat, and continues in a more normal tone, "In any case, the situation is similar. I could not inform you because doing so would endanger you." Also, I intuit, I'd try to talk him out of it. And sure, I don't think I'd manage it, but it's be a waste of his valuable time, since I'd probably keep trying, and he couldn't be sure if I'd try to sabotage it in some other way.
        I swallow and bow, suddenly feeling out of place and inadequate. "Well, I appreciate that, Baron Steel. Congratulations on your barony."
        "There's no rush," he tells me, faster than anything he's previously said, and I shake my head. Just because he's feeling inadequate doesn't mean he needs me as his security blanket.
        "Even after it got removed, I'm still mostly a persona non grata around here. If you want a strong start to your regime, you don't want to spend too long talking to me, especially at an event like this where everyone can see. See you around." And I beat a hasty retreat, feeling his eyes on me.