Beneath My Skin

[madimpossibledreamer]

Reminder that canonically Yosuke likes Linkin Park.

Main Points:
Persona 4 Past Will Tell AU (protag swap + Average AU)
Chapter Summary: Yosuke embraces being an outcast.
Word Count: 720
Rating: Teen
Warning: Discussion of mental health.  If you need help, please get it!

        “Why do you think you don’t have a Shadow?” Chie-chan asks idly between mouthfuls of steak.  It’s weird eating in the Velvet Room, but it feels safer doing so here than in the Back Lot, and dungeon crawling is hungry, hungry work.  He’s even got a stash of energy bars and ramen back here.  That being said, he’s just playing with his food right now.
        “That’s easy, Chie-chan!  That’s because he’s Sensei!” Teddie responds immediately.
        Yosuke chuckles.  It’s still weird having a sentient mascot costume look up to him this much, but kind of endearing.  That being said, that’s not a real answer.  “Maybe it’s because of my crippling depression,” he offers with a bright smile. 
        The mood in the room instantly drops, and the two look stricken.  “I’m kidding,” he offers.  Teddie starts wailing about his Sensei, tears appearing from nowhere, so apparently that didn’t help, and even Chie-chan looks like she’s been banished from watching martial arts movies ever again.  Shit.  Looks like he actually has to explain in a way that they both understand.  Maybe it’s a good thing Saki-senpai’s working and couldn’t make it today.  She would definitely be beating herself up about this.
        “Calm down, I’m fine.  Um.”  Give him customer service any day.  He can manage that.  Speeches while being real is hard.  “So Shadows seem to be a disconnect between the desire to be seen as a good person and the flaws we all have.  I mean, think about it.  You hide this stuff because you’re embarrassed to be seen that way.”
        He’s grateful for the glasses.  He’s pretty sure they do actually make him look more intelligent.  Chie-chan definitely takes him more seriously with them on than without.
        “I guess, I’ve already heard whatever crap my Shadow might say.  I stopped caring a little while ago about being seen as a good person, because it was impossible.  I don’t act out because I can’t, being the Junes representative and all, but even if I did, there was no way I could do anything worse than what the rest of the town says about me.”  He pauses, then adds, “You know what I’m talking about, Chie-chan.  You were saying some of that stuff back when I first transferred.”
        “I-it’s that bad?” she asks, voice small, and that’s not the point.
        “It’s really freeing,” he admits.  Maybe that’s a horrible attitude, but so what?  That’s the point.  “I hated it at first, but it’s actually not so bad.  It’s not like I don’t have friends, right?”  He winks at them both, and Teddie starts blubbering in a whole new way.  Even Chie-chan cracks a smile.  “And I’ve got headphones and music to help me get through the worse days.  I don’t blame you—or them—to be clear.  You’re all just scared, because change is scary.  If anyone gets that, it’s me.  I didn’t want anything to change either, but I’m kinda stuck with it anyway.  It sucks that I’m the convenient target, but whatever.  Better me than some other poor sap.  I get to be honest with myself about wanting to be a hero and feeling trapped and worthless and whatever else and it doesn’t quite hurt the same as it would otherwise because compared to the me that the town thinks I am, it’s not half as bad.  So I don’t bother putting up fronts.  I mean, I also don’t say every stupid thought in my head, but I could literally do nothing and still be better than whatever expectations the rest of Inaba has for me.”
        “I still wanna kick those part-timers,” Chie-chan mutters dangerously, but she’s definitely feeling better.
        Yosuke snorts and pops a tempura in his mouth to avoid talking about his pleased blush.  It’s still a pleasant surprise when someone sticks up for him.  “Yeah, I get that, but if they keep it up they’ll get fired sooner or later.  It’ll come back to bite them.  And it’s definitely not worth you getting charged with battery.  We kinda need to lay low.”
        “Sensei is beary awesome!” Teddie exclaims, stars in his eyes.
        “When it comes to our Leader, we sure lucked out, huh?” Chie-chan asks.  It’s a rhetorical question, but Yosuke splutters anyway, because he’s pretty sure teasing him is her way of making things feel normal again.