2am rambles
Jul. 13th, 2021 11:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreameralso realized while writing this that willow might have gotten her first (only?) gay people are okay from ivanova/talia which is problematic in itself but also kind of beautiful? like, your male crush says 'hey let's watch this show i love' and you're like 'sure' and try to memorize everything to impress him but you also get a 'gay people are normal in the future and experience the same things like crushes and disappointment' and some part of you internalizes that. (also it might explain some of the problematic stuff in the tara/willow stuff in and out of universe but i digress)
also it occurred to me thinking about galen who i didn't realize at the time reading the books and would have to read them again to know for sure but he was kinda...ace, and then applying that to btvs and i'm like...wait
you could totally do xander as ace
(I know joss would want us to read him as just 'adorably inexperienced' because he's a self-insert but joss became irrelevant the second we realized he was more like the old crusty council than anything so let us eloquently tell them they're irrelevant and can forever wait to be included at the table)
anyway xander definitely experiences generalized lust, hence the linoleum thing, but whenever sex with actual people comes up, he's generally uncomfortable and awkward
but the thing he prizes the most is the emotional connection
he knows he's SUPPOSED TO just want sex, all the time, with anyone, because internalized toxic masculinity, but he doesn't and he feels a little broken
he's hurt at the implication that sex...can just, not mean something? can just be a bodily function that people do instead of something that proves a deep emotional connection with people? he's all over being a comfortador, doing the small little couply things so it'd be pretty easy to just...make him ace, not sex-repulsed, and definitely not aro
anyway adventures of writing new crossovers making me discover new things about stuff is fun
things i am also doing at 2 am: wondering what xander's gay arc would have been
also it occurred to me thinking about galen who i didn't realize at the time reading the books and would have to read them again to know for sure but he was kinda...ace, and then applying that to btvs and i'm like...wait
you could totally do xander as ace
(I know joss would want us to read him as just 'adorably inexperienced' because he's a self-insert but joss became irrelevant the second we realized he was more like the old crusty council than anything so let us eloquently tell them they're irrelevant and can forever wait to be included at the table)
anyway xander definitely experiences generalized lust, hence the linoleum thing, but whenever sex with actual people comes up, he's generally uncomfortable and awkward
but the thing he prizes the most is the emotional connection
he knows he's SUPPOSED TO just want sex, all the time, with anyone, because internalized toxic masculinity, but he doesn't and he feels a little broken
he's hurt at the implication that sex...can just, not mean something? can just be a bodily function that people do instead of something that proves a deep emotional connection with people? he's all over being a comfortador, doing the small little couply things so it'd be pretty easy to just...make him ace, not sex-repulsed, and definitely not aro
anyway adventures of writing new crossovers making me discover new things about stuff is fun
things i am also doing at 2 am: wondering what xander's gay arc would have been
