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madimpossibledreamerSorry that this one took two weeks. It was a combined “I’m busy” and “I have no idea what Johan should say”, so that took a bit to brainstorm.
We also might be in the vicinity of knocking on the fourth wall.
Main Points:
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure/Buffy the Vampire Slayer AU
Chapter Summary: Johan has a message for Pixie and Dio Brando.
Word Count: 1500
Rating: Teen (Buffy|Jojo's level violence)
Note: HERE THERE PROBABLY BE BUFFY/JJBA SPOILERS
“So, uh…what is he thinking?” Robin asks quietly, and Beefheart shrugs, unconcerned.
“It could work. It’s dangerous, of course, but then, from everything I’ve seen of him, that’s a fairly general description of Jojo. It might very well work. He’s the reckless type.” It’s more laid back than Robin could allow himself to be, but then, he’s not one to take chances when it comes to vampires, particularly extremely old and evil ones. “The biggest worry is protecting Pixie, but if Father Styx says he can do it, I believe in him.” When they relayed the message and requirements, the Father had seemed pretty confident. He’d already had one of the townsfolk pull her in, unconscious, and he was currently using a hastily-purposed spell of protection on his own room to protect her from getting out as much as other things from getting in. He’d meant that as a safe-room type scenario, in case something like the zombie horde outside occurred, but tweaking the spells was apparently a simple matter. She doesn’t add that the knight they led to the church together with more than a few townsfolk will be there to protect her, too, even if it means he has to protect her from herself as well.
“I believe in them!” Darling interjects—and, right, he’d forgotten all about the fact that she was there. “Jojo’s pretty good by himself, and he’s got Mr. Speedwagon there, too.”
“Right. Well, I suppose this isn’t the time to be complaining about becoming the messengers…” Robin sighs. Particularly when he’s managed to convince Beefheart and Styx. He has nothing against playing the voice of common sense, but when those three are likely to just proceed, the show’s going to go on with or without him. Might as well play his role and get the set ready, though, really, he’s not even on sound design for this one. No one ever said the life backstage was glamorous, though. It’s the part where you’re bringing an idea to life that’s incredible. And, well, even he and Beefheart have pulled off some things he wouldn’t expect. Mostly, if he’s honest, it’s mainly the fact that no one seems to have taken the rabbit Stand into any consideration, even if they haven’t really seen it since. Maybe the girl can be persuaded to not kill people, but he’s not so sure about Miss Murder. Admittedly, it’s probably something Jojo’s thought about and just not mentioned, but still, when people think about battlefield things without sharing them, it makes him antsy. He can’t provide backup to a plan he doesn’t know exists. And while the girl is some kind of serial killer, it’s one thing to threaten her directly and another to shove her into the path of an ancient vampire.
As much as she’d deny it, Beefheart certainly has a taste for the theatrical. Because once she finishes setting up the equipment, she mutters “showtime” with a huge grin on her face before she radios the others that everything’s in position for the main event.
Perhaps it wasn’t that big of a surprise that Von Stroheim and Styx could pull it off. Apparently, Styx had known Miss Calendar, which Xander allows to distract him for a moment as he mourns her again before getting right back to work. It’d make sense that technopagans would experiment a lot with communication-type tech spells. Making a town-wide announcement is basically child’s play.
He gives Fitz a thumb’s up before he starts, getting an encouraging smile in return. It helps that he’s sassed a master vampire out of a hospital before, though there are some similarities and differences. Specifically, Jonathan’s memories inform him, Dio Brando preferred to work through proxies, just like Angelus had. (And here he never thought he’d be mourning the bastard of a vampire, either. It really says something about his sense of normal that it’s that and not Stands, or all the statues in London coming to life, or even turning into an eldritch entity, that strikes him as weird, but that. That’s the weird part.) Jotaro’s memories add, with a sardonic snort, that DIO was pretty much the same, or had he somehow managed to miss all the mercenaries he’d hired or turned? At heart, they’re both cowards. Vicious, opportunistic slimeballs, sure, but still.
So maybe he’d sense the obvious trap, but there’s one more factor at play: their massive, massive egos. Dio’s pride would be on the line. And with no minions around, he’d have to take matters into his own hands. The main problem would be if he just ran away. Even if they convinced the Killer Rabbit-in-Hiding to undo its power, with its User’s life on the line, he could probably still do a lot of damage before the vampire or his echo or whatever faded from existence, so that’s what they have to avoid at all costs.
“Hey, uh, Miss Murder, if you’re out there? In the interests of playing fair, I thought I’d warn you. Sure, we might not exactly see eye to eye on who counts as the ‘bad people’. You think I’m one, I think I’m not one, it’s this whole thing. But I can tell you one bad person for sure, right here and now. You brought back a vampire who had a dog burned alive. Seeing as you’re an animal yourself, even if you’re a Stand, I thought that might be good for you to know. Also, if he sees you as a threat, and he probably will, he’d kill you, he’d kill Pixie, he might even turn Pixie into a zombie and have her kill you. That nice man you were talking to will protect you, because that’s what he does.”
He takes a deep breath, because that? That, unfortunately, was the easy part. He’s chosen his words as carefully as he possibly could for a serial killer that could pass as a Girl Scout selling cookies, and tried to keep her location as secret as he possibly can. Dio’s trickier. “As for the man in question, you’ve got no clue who I am, but I know exactly who you are. You’re the vampire that the Joestars killed twice, because you’re so pathetic, and yeah, sure, you could try for a third, if you really wanted to, but I’ll just put you down like the rabid dog you are, if I even have to lift a finger. You’ve probably noticed the underlings aren’t exactly taking orders anymore. Your existence could go poof at any time based on the whims of a small rabbit. And do you wanna know the kicker of the whole thing?”
He steadies himself carefully, because this next bit is going to spiritually hurt to say. Still, it’s the sort of thing that would have bothered Angelus, and it’d probably bother Dio, considering his harassment of Erina. He’s got to hope. At least the echo of Joseph in his head confirms his assessment. They could still be wrong, but given what they know, it’s a viable approach. “I wasn’t even born a Joestar.” Technically, correct, given Incognito, though by the look of absolute shock and concern on Fitz’s face, combined with the gasp, maybe he should’ve explained this part of the plan in a little better detail before he just went ahead and did it. “But just like that, I became the Joestar heir. All your little schemes, all your petty plots, they got you nothing and I inherited it all without even trying. How’s it feel, Dio? Well, if it burns, if that gets your goat, get in line, there’s a lot of trash that wants a piece of me. I’m hanging out in some caverns by the waterfront.”
He ends the call only for Fitz to nudge him, concerned. “Do you want to talk about, well, any of that?”
Johan shrugs. It’s sweet, but they really don’t have the time, depending on how nearby Dio was. They can’t rely on the sun coming back, with the eclipse Miss Murder brought. “I’m getting better about the ‘feeling like an imposter’ thing, but Dio doesn’t need to know that, does he?” If he thinks about himself like he’s like Shizuka (wonder what happened to that baby) it becomes a lot more manageable. “But you really should be getting ready for our guest.”
“Let’s do it together, Jojo,” the blond insists, and smiles at his obvious confusion. “I’m not the only one who can lay traps, oh great Hamon Master, and there’s plenty of vegetation ready for the role.”
Johan blinks, and then remembers the cactus. That had taken a constant feeding of hamon directly into it, but if he could make it a closed circuit, feeding it back in on itself to keep the cycle going… “Oh. Yeah. Right.”
“Let’s race,” Fitz insists, and dashes off.
“Oh no you don’t,” Jojo mock growls, tapping into his breathing for a burst of speed, and Speedwagon laughs.
I like this more relaxed, playful Fitz.
