Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 69

[madimpossibledreamer]

Oh, for goodness’ sake, get away from me.  Stupid flying rodents.  I will murder you all. 

Actually, I don’t know…friendliness wise whether they’re more related to rats or mice.  Because rats are super nice.  Mice are sociopaths.  Given that they’re trying to kill me now, I’m gonna say sociopaths, but.  (The scholarly sources on google [I’m looking at you, Berkeley!] say: primates.  It’s not as fun to say flying humans because that conjures up a very different image.  They might have developed from a shrew-like creature so maybe I’ll just go with ‘flying shrews’ from now on.  You learn something new every day.) 

Oh, great.  More sociopathic flying rodents. 

There were only two this time.  Some of these guys are growing bolder. 

I mean, I’m glad they don’t have the giant flying herons.  (Redundant.) 

What am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to...  They really like the walljumps in this last section.  (It’s impossible to trust the walljump because walljump isn’t consistent.) 

Wait, what?  Can I drop here?  …I can.  Okay.  It’s like “will that kill me?” 

I don’t know if coming up on top of it was a good idea, but I’m on top of a tower. 

I don’t know why I keep hitting my teeth.  It’s weird.  (Still drinking my root beer.) 

Come on, balance better. 

What?  That was not what I said to do, Prince. 

Oh.  Oh, you are kidding me.  Oh, that’s just wrong.  (Insert Galaxy Quest segment here.)  Oh, that’s just not right.  Come on, man.  (It sent me back to the beginning, which I have, and now it’s a Princess Bride reference.) 

I said ‘up’.  ‘Up’, not down. 

Fortunately, getting him to go up there was a lot easier this time. 

Oh, yeah, sociopathic rodents.  I guess they don’t attack you unless you’re on a ledge.  That’s very rude of you. 

I guess I can’t move unless I…am I hanging onto something?  And if so, what in the world would I be hanging onto? 

Come on, get around, get around…They seriously…the controls are a lot more fluid in this section right here.  Aside from, you know, that time that he decided to just drop to his death.  Unceremoniously.  But then, I guess that’s just the Prince for you?  Basically Steins;Gate suicidal at this point. 

There are more here…yep.  Remember when I was having such issues with that jump in the beginning?  And I was like, “I’m just gonna save, because I don’t want to ever have to do that again!”? 

What?  Pr-Prince.  It’s perfectly safe.  You can actually move.  (Well, not safe; you have dropped to your death a couple times, but still.) 

Hmm.  I see bats just hanging out in the distance.  Is that normal?  They are so far away. 

I don’t think I wanna be on that side.  Do we wanna be on that side? 

(looks it up)  I’ve gotten that far.  I can’t get him to…Oh, facing the other direction, maybe?  Well, it’s worth a try. 

I actually might be aiming for that area down, just not by falling.  Let’s see, square.  There we go.  What?  What?  (scream)  Prince, really?  Okay, oh, fine.  No no no, that didn’t happen.  May I start again? [Prince]  You may, but you’re a complete and utter tool.  And I’m not talking the Schism kind.  Really? 

He’s just like ‘I’m just not going to hit that.’  You know what?  Let’s play some Tool.  (Don’t mind me, I’m going to be singing along as I type.) 

Really, Prince?  Is it not…is it that you don’t like the music?  I’m going to turn it down slightly.  But still.  I think it’s funny. 

(Duet!  …or, you know…what do you call it when there’s three people singing?  Original singer, past!me, and me?  Trio?  Guess that makes sense.) 

(Also there are no Schism Prince of Persia videos.  I find that kind of sad.)  Well, that’s…what?  That knocked me back on the platform for some reason.  Weird. 

C’mon.  It’s not that hard.  It’s not that scary to jump I promise. 

You have to be all the way out here?  Apparently he wanted to be all the way on the end for that one. 

Okay.  I’ll probably pause the music here.  (Hey, I was singing along!  *pouts*)  ‘Cause this is the part where I actually kind of need to pay attention where I got to.  (Okay, fair enough.)  Okay, three, two, one, let’s go. 

Prince, really?  No no no, that didn’t happen. [Prince] 

(Music’s back.  I like having music.  Helps me concentrate.  Sometimes.  Unless I get distracted singing along.  But that lack of music is super eerie here.) 

You see, he’s slapping the wall again.  Hey.  Seriously?  Really?  That didn’t happen. [Prince]  No, it didn’t.  *sighs* 

(Looks for more music?  …Oh, hey.  Ad.)  Not brought to you by ad.  (Oh.  Assassin’s Creed II.  Good choice.  No singing though.  Well, no words anyway.) 

Prince!  Get away from the hole.  …Well.  That’s not how it happened. [Prince]  No.  That’s a new one.  Falls to death by flying rodents.  That’s a new one. 

Oh yeah, right.  Thank you for knocking me back onto that.  That’s kind of you. 

Didn’t have to be on the end of that one.  (Finally got that hair out of my mouth.  It was bugging me for the last five lines.) 

They never see it coming.  (puts on an accent)  ‘He doesn’t have his sword out.  He must be defenseless.  Aggh!’  *sighs* 

Okay, I’m not the only one for whom this section takes a while.  Oh, great, ladders and then enemies too?   Lovely.  Well. 

Worth a try, Prince.  Let’s go.  You got one of those. 

No no no, that didn’t ha—[Prince]  And back to the music.  Really?  (Quiet concentration now.) 

*sighs*  I’m gonna look again to see where they started jumping cause occasionally that’s the problem.  (There’s that accent again.  It’s honestly a bit Sean Connery which is not a thing I thought would ever happen.  It’s entirely accident though.)  ‘You have to be standing in this specific spot to have this work.’  Which is just like, how would you know that, aside from trial and error? 

That’s a different camera angle than has ever happened before?  Okay, fine.  He’s being all anal about being at the end again. 

Prince, you’re really odd sometimes, you know that?