Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 57

[madimpossibledreamer]

Oh good.  It looks like we are standing on top of…is that lava or blood beneath us?  Grating, please don’t fall. 

Oh, lovely.  Oh boy.  That’s going to kill me.  You know what, Prince, let’s die. 

How does that one open up?  I don’t even see how it opens. 

Prince, do you just…  That didn’t happen. [Prince] No, it didn’t. 

So, Prince.  Go back.  Heal.  Re-get the stuff.  This time we know what we’re doing with this box so we’re not complete imbeciles. 

How are you doing, Prince, by the way.  I know I’ve just left you in one place for…I’ve left you unattended, basically, for long extended periods of time and I don’t know that that’s a good decision. 

Oh, hey, this box has the symbols on the inside, and…get out of the way, chair…and on the top. 

Yes, good.  I definitely wanted you to climb that instead of pushing it. 

How am I supposed to get that door open? 

Please drink.  “Oh, I was standing just two steps too far back, sorry about that.”  Prince, really? 

‘Kay, so, I get in here. 

What—what am I meant to—there’s a thing in the wall, but I also have to somehow not get smacked. 

Oh, I have to run up the wall here.  *Prince grunts* Not into—Prince, you’re a moron. 

*sigh*  Let’s see.  I turn back time, get some—can I turn back time to before I got—wait, what am I doing?  There was water back there.  (Sounds to me, in that case, like what you’re doing is you’re wasting sand but that could just be me.)  When you fail and you get hurt, just run back to the water. 

You’re very quiet, Prince, and it’s concerning me.  Other than saying ‘That didn’t happen’, you haven’t been saying anything at all. 

Not up against the wall, you moron.  Prince, you’re going to get us killed again. 

Prince, seriously.  We’re both a little rusty, maybe.  This is what happens when you leave the Prince alone in a dungeon.  Unlike his normal talkative self he stops talking and he becomes so rusty at all things parkour. 

Come on.  What even was that? 

Prince, stop jumping.  For goodness sake, what are you doing?  Fine, we’ll go back and get you some more water, sheesh. 

I have a feeling I might—nah, we’ll see what happens. 

Apparently if you spam it you can get him to take three sips in one. 

But.  Okay, come on, seriously, why are we so bad at this? 

Prince, why are you jumping?  It actually probably would have been safer to stay on the floor at that point. 

I’m just going to keep running back and drinking water because it is going to be legit most of our run here. 

We’re so close to the end, man. 

Prince.  *sigh* 

Woo! 

I don’t know if that opened…Oh, apparently I was supposed to use… 

It was the first time I had seen such devices at close range.  Close enough to touch.  Where were the men whose trade it had been to apply the question, to extract the answer their king sought, if indeed there was one?  In the end they had met the same fate as their victims, guards and prisoners made equal by the Sands of Time. [Prince]  That was actually pretty interesting. 

(louder than average sand-get)  That was more epic than usual. 

What was that about?  I don’t know if I wanna know what’s down there. 

It looks like we’ve got a ton of Iron Maidens.  And two levers.  What are the two levers supposed to do?  (Pulls it to try to see)  Oh, does it…? 

Not that way, you moron. 

Okay.  So do I have to pull both levers, is the question?  Apparently I do. 

Okay.  This is gonna be fun.  Are we any good at platforming right now?  Prince? 

Did I just break the game?  They’re…stuck extended. 

Okay, now it’s not—now it’s vaguely functioning normally. 

Prince, what are you even doing?  Please stop.  *sigh*  Prince, why are you not normal? 

Prince?  Oh, cool. 

I don’t like that—oh, shoot.  Bats.  Come at me! 

This actually looks really cool.  Come at me, bro!  There’s still four of you. 

*squeak* I think that was all of them. 

Gonna see if I can’t take a picture.  Picture, picture, picture, camera, picture, noosa, camera, oh, duh, what’s that then.  RRRRaaaa. 

Shoot, taking the picture made the voice recorder stop functioning.  Glad that’s happening.  That’s good. 

Okay, we’re up here.  Where are we?  Where do we go now? 

Oh.  Oh, that’s lovely.  Oh, dear heaven.  What do you mean I have to hit those?  How?  Why?  Please tell me that’s a joke.  Oh my word.  Oh, my word.  We may not get far tonight.  Ohhh. 

It’s not quite as bad as I thought, but still. 

Hahahahahahha.  Prince, what the blank.  Thank goodness for Sands of Time, am I right…can you stop?  STOP HITTING IT WITH YOUR HANDS. 

Prince.  Oh my word.  Maybe I try this one first? 

Oh, for goodness’ sake, Prince, please don’t.  You’re going to get us killed. 

What are you doing?  Where were you even going?  Prince, you didn’t even hit the button.  What.  What is happening? 

Wait, that’s not right.  I didn’t fall.  Let me start again. [Prince]  I don’t know, you made it pretty clear that you did, in fact, fall because you are a complete moron. 

A torture chamber. [Prince] (Ah, this speech again.  That I talked over the beginning of last time.) 

Okay, that part is fairly easy.  How did I…probably that.  Yeah, that was it. 

I like how he opens his mouth like “I don’t know about this.”  Yeah, me either.  Least we stop in a good place. 

Oh, now you’re going to do it on the opposite wall; I see how it is.  Please stop.  Prince, for the love of all that is holy, please stop.  (It does not sound like he’s cooperating.)  Seriously, why do you keep slapping the wall with your hands?  I hate it when you do that.