Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 39

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Okay, yeah, lovely waterfall.  That’s a lot of tree bridges. 

Ugh.  What are these—Who would use these baths?  I mean, the Prince obviously would because we are ridiculously good at parkour, but who else could possibly use these baths? 

Is that a thing I can grab?  It is. 

I am kneeling.  I am far too impressed by this, but you know, I am a geek.  It is how I roll, man. 

Where am I going?  Stop hugging the wall, Prince, and tell me things.  Oh, right here apparently. 

I’m going to guess that there’s nothing here so I need to jump that—yeah.  ‘Cause I am not sure where the… 

Oh, hi bats.  Are you evil?  You are evil.  Stop that. 

I’m going to pull myself back up.  Quickly.  And move over here.  Oh, you don’t attack me unless I’m on the bridge.  I’m going to attempt to take this very slowly. 

I told you.  Caves are nothing but pain and fear, Prince.  Also, that hurt a little, so the next time we get to—did those bats just decide it wasn’t worth it?  Saw their fallen bretheren and decided, you know, “Maybe not”? 

I have my sword out and I’m just scooching on this log.  It looks really really awkward, but. 

Also, there’s no water right here.  I am upset by this. 

Umm.  Okay, is there anything off to the side?  Okay, there’s a save point down there, but I don’t think I can safely jump down there, so…let’s trust the wallrun.  The wallrun is to be trusted.  Trust the wallrun.  Believe in the wallrun.  Leap to your death.  Yes. 

I saw the bats coming, and I panicked.  They didn’t leave.  They brought back their friends.  Do they always leave when there are three of them?  Is that just how they roll? 

Oh, uh, huh.  Maybe I’m supposed to go this way.  Look, water.  …I’m standing in water, can I not drink it?  Oh man, Prince. 

Can I wallrun from…Oh, I can’t wallrun from ledges, right.  I can however drop to there. 

…I can’t even drink this water?  Come on, it’s sitting there!  Right there!  Okay, fine.  I mean, some of these things I get, but that seems like a weird choice.  There’s water right there.  Let me drink it.    I’m salty. Which is obviously why I need—

Why are you not letting me use my Sands of Time?  I accidentally—it’s not letting me use my Sands of Time whenever.  (I can use it a little bit but.)  That is weird.  Prince, what are you doing? 

Come on, Save Point.  Evil Sands affecting us, and whispering in our ear. 

Okay, run across the bridges that will fall—also stalactites will fall.  Lovely.  Um, something bad is going to happen to Farah.  Great.  Something bad is going to happen to Farah—why is she falling?  (I mean, I’ve seen the movie, which I don’t think is bad, but didn’t have near enough parkour.  Or sand creatures.) 

And—that’s weird and creepy.  I woke up on the ledge below the save point.  Man, these save points are really weird and creepy. 

Oh, good, things to smash.  Hulk sma—smash?  Oh, right, I was trying to use—pull out your sword over and over.  That works.  No wonder nothing was happening.  I might be a little bit of an idiot.  Just a teensy bit. 

Oh, right, moving wallrun, breaking—breaking things.  Everything is breaking. 

Hey, look, water that we can actually drink.  I’m still mad about standing in a waterfall and not actually being able to drink. 

Breakwall!  ‘kay. More running segments I think.  (sounds right.)  Great. 

Hi, bats.  You know, I know a guy named Batman in however many years is going to be living but in the meantime please leave.  Thank you.  They do.  It’s always the same three that—oh, we’re to the stalactite section.  Great. 

Oh, great, I totally blew that part.  And now these are gonna move.  No, don’t do that.  Prince…Prince, Prince.  This may take some time if he’s not gonna stop just dropping on this.  I’m going to give myself a little more time here. 

Prince, no.  Prince, why are you stuck on this?  We can wallrun.  Always trust the wallrun.  Always.  Always.  Always trust the wallrun.  You’re going to make us use all our sands because you do not trust the wallrun.  Prince.  …That was the wrong direction. 

No, that’s not right.  I didn’t fall.  Let me start again. [Prince] If you’re sure… 

Oh, hey.  That isn’t where I was…(sound of shattering pottery.)  Prince, you really need to stop being the Hulk.  Just, seriously, stop being the Hulk. 

Thank you.  Would you kindly leave? 

We—which way is behind—so it’s that.  I decided to turn the wrong way, that took longer than—would you look at that?  More sand. 

Trust the wallrun, is what you’re telling me.  Wait, someone’s dead?  Excuse, what? 

I’ll start the story from here next time. [Prince] You do that.  Excuse, did you say that someone was going to die? 

Yay, more stalactites.  Yeah, stalactites.  It’s stalagmites that are on the ground.  You took your time about that, Prince. 

No, not that way.  (…wait, Evil Within?) 

Would you look at that, more sand?  More sand.  We’re nearly full on life and sand.  That’s a nice change.

What?  You’re not going to break this pot by running into it, really?  Shocking.  Are you an invincible pot?  No.  You’re not an invincible pot.  Good to know. 

Ooh, that looks really pretty up there.  Oh, that’s gonna be fun.  (also that is the Oregon Trail looping noises.) 

Ow, I’m going to hit the wall instead of the bats.

‘kay.  Go ‘way. 

I hit myself on the bridge. 

You guys are menaces.  The Bat Menace.  Go ‘way. 

Just because I’m not sure about those barrels.  And why was there a grate there; why…was that a thing?  Supposed to be up here, or…?  Yeah, probably, ‘cause there’s a ladder over there. 

We nearly didn’t make that, Prince.  Fastest ladder climber.