Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 38

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Oh, this is weird.  Oh, this is super weird.  I don’t think I can wallrun.  (Trust the wallrun.) 

Please don’t knock me off, Mr. Birdie. 

Not that way, you…really?  I mean, I can attempt the wallrun.  I can attempt and trust the wallrun.  (Starts rewinding, changes mind to test) Yes, that does kill you. 

Hi.  …He just left me alone.  Weird. 

Okay, that nearly worked.  I jumped.  Not like that, Prince.  Would you stop hitting things when you’re…  Maybe I…no, that’s not quite far enough. 

No no no, that didn’t happen. [Prince] If you say so, Prince. 

What’s in here?  Something that you’re like “I don’t like this place; I want out.”  No, but seriously, what’s in this place? 

And this way…I definitely can’t wallrun up there.  So. 

That’s probably a bad idea, Prince, don’t do that. 

Don’t fall off, Prince. 

I’m sick of being stuck so I might look up what I’m supposed to do here.  Because I nearly made that jump, but.  (Nearly is not quite there) 

Crushed metal gate into wall…hmm.  How do I get to there is the question.  Jump there…Oh, you can jump there, you just didn’t want to.  I see.  I see how it is.  Rude.  Why would you decide to do that?  Why? 

Now back behind you—nope.  Oh, see?  Prince, really? 

Go down a little.  Gate metal.  Okay.  Hit things.  I can do that. 

Um.  Wasn’t supposed to fall.  (You don’t say.)  And I accidentally hit the down button instead of the up button.  (That’s good.) 

Haha, take that.  You just knocked me onto the same platform, how do you feel?  Do you feel like an idiot?  You should. 

You actually knocked me down.  You get points for that. 

Haha.  I swung the wrong way and then you thought it was a good time to attack me but you were wrong.  Actually, it works pretty well if they attack me, knock me down, and I get right back up and smack them.  Because they don’t expect it or something I guess. 

I’m still—oh, this looks so cool!  Can I take a picture?  I would really like to take a picture.  Did that actually get a picture, because I want one.  Content, maybe?  I forget what it’s under.  (I mean, apparently recording this and the next game in the series is a nightmare, so maybe the same goes for pictures.)  Can I get around this?  Because I don’t recognize it and I’m a bit worried.  I would really like a screenshot please.  *sigh* I don’t know how to screenshot. 

Okay, I’m still up here.  Where do I go from here?  Jump across to rotted gate, something about a post…Oh, that one there, probably. 

I’m moving maybe a bit too fast.  And now he’s barely moving his legs ‘cause he’s…is it that way?  I guess it is.

Can I crawl up you?  Can I climb up you?  Camera, no. 

Okay.  I am missing some sand, so it would be nice…*whispers* how do I get up there?  *normal voice* Unless I’m supposed to be down at this point.  Oh, there’s one down.  That one I can get later. 

What am I even doing at this point?  You look lost.  Oh, you can get back up to the beam if you fall, which is nice.  Kill the dudes, kill the dudes.  Oh, don’t climb up that pole.  That isn’t actually a pole.  (What is it?)  And you’ll end up down anyway so why not.

Y’know, I’m actually gonna look ‘cause I’m curious.  ‘Steam screenshot not working’.  “After closing the game it will appear.”  Maybe.  Alt printscreen or alt tab.  Enable Steam community in-game.  (Which I don’t know that you can do in Prince of Persia.)  Okay, alt tab.  No.  Alt printscreen.  That works.  Alt printscreen.  Ehh, we’ll figure out what happened to it later.  (What did happen to it, past self?  I honestly don’t remember.) 

I do like your outfit.  Even your pants have cool designs on them.  No, Prince, don’t do that.  Prince. 

Would you look at that, I have a ladder.  I’m still the fastest ladder user known to mankind, and there is also (sand, I can hear it two seconds later)—Camera, what are you doing.  That is like a—woah, I don’t think it blinded the camera last time.  That’s interesting. 

Okay, once I’m down here, I open the door—where is that door?  Oh, it was down here, wasn’t it?  Yes, it was.  And he’s immediately like ‘I want out of this room’. 

…Farah, you let scarabs loose.  Good job.  Ow.  I couldn’t even see you.  That was rude. 

Fortunately, scarabs are not the most dangerous enemies.  I think the ones I have the most trouble with, aside from the blood guards, are the herons.  (Does everyone know the names of enemies they throw around because it comes in the game manual or something, or are all gamers other than me psychic, and if so where’s my superpower?) 

I hit that guy through a door and I am proud.  Good job. 

What did you even get hit by? 

Okay, you destroyed the menacing weapons rack. 

I cannot see anything.  Camera, please. 

That was all of them.  It also took a bit of health, but not a lot.  Whatever. 

I can get to this closed door.  I’m just going to keep running up it.  It has cool patterns on the side.  But then again everything in this game does, so why am I surprised? 

Where did they come out of?  Oh.  Probably this place with a lever.  He is—don’t hit the lever.  Don’t smack the lever over the head.  What are you doing? 

Something is timed.  What is timed?  I am concerned.  It’s not this door.  I can tell you that much.  Because this door isn’t even open.  I did not see what happened.  Kaaaaaaayyyy.  Something’s making a noise.  Is it up?  By any chance?  Is that why this ladder is here?  As I go up this ladder ridiculously fast.  As I—Camera.