Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 33

[madimpossibledreamer]

Oh, I have to get up here, and—how do I first person again?  There we go.  That’s weeeeird.  Oh, but I can’t actually move like that.  Now is it directly behind me?  I thiiink so?  Haha, it is. 

This way I’m like Leonardo.  Who you don’t know, Princess.  It’s not like he’s here, anyway.  (Assassin’s Creed or Ninja Turtle?  Either way I’m not seeing the connection, Past!self.)

Where does this bridge go?  Oh, I guess I have to get it to you.  This is fuuun.

Yes, thank you.  Jumping off onto—I guess that’s what circus performers do.  But jumping off onto one of these things would—nothing—those windows are boarded up.  Weird.  But jumping off onto one of these things with nothing underneath me?  It’s a little worrisome.

Why are you crawling under that?  You don’t have to, you know.  (Prince says something)  What did you say, Prince?  Sorry, I talked over you.  (Prince says something else) I mean, we did.  I walked up to it.

Keep running! [Prince] (Well, that was nice and distinct.)  Oh, evil birds.  Yay.

But this time I have all my health, and by randomly slashing in your direction, I might not fall off.  I have full health and full sands.  Ow.  Ow ow.  Stop that.  Would you stop?

There are a lot of you, aren’t there?  I might’ve been too cocky, Princess.  This might actually kill me.

We’ll turn back time but I don’t think it’ll actually help.  …No, we’re just going to die to this.

No, no, that didn’t happen.  May I start again? [Prince] You can try. 

Dumb birds.  Why do they not attack you when you run past them?  They’re like “random lady, sure, whatever.”

So it’s a matter of timing.  (as are most things in these older games.)  I think I’m going to finish this fight and then stop.  Because the next save point is right there.

Awww, that was a second too late.  This is teaching me the correct timing.  Which is an important thing.  Please let there be water.

Would you stop knocking me over?

I mean, I killed one.  No, no no no. [Prince]

Should I just use my sand?

That wasn’t an attack.  Okay.  What are you all doing?  Shoot ‘em, Farah, shoot ‘em.  Farah, what are you doing?  There you go.

Ow! [Prince] Far-ah!  That was me!  I’m not an evil bird creature!

That didn’t work either.  Farah, they’re double-teaming me.  Farah.  Ow! [Prince] I agree, ow.  (Does he only say this with friendly fire, and if so…Farah, are you just trying to kill me at this point?

Is there a timing when I’ve been hit where I’m not allowed to--? (No idea, given that you didn’t finish your sentence.)  I think there is.  It feels like dodging doesn’t do anything, though.  Against these guys.  It would’ve helped if Farah hadn’t shot me with an arrow.  Farah.  Farah.  Farah, I’m dead.

I didn’t die.  May I start again? [Prince] Are you sure you’re not dead, Prince?  Like, seriously, what would it do to your psyche to have died a lot?  (No beat, just straight into strategy.)  Okay, this time I’m going to try running straight over to her so she’s always nearby.

Well, that’s new.  I guess we can no longer fight on the bridge.  That might not be a good thing.  We’ll see.

No, I mean it.  It’s really broken. [Farah] We kind of saw that, Farah.  It’s kind of obvious.  I’ll look for another way in. [Prince] Try not to take too long. [Farah] I’ll try not to die, Farah.  Oh, hang on.  Does that mean that that fight was entirely optional?  Because they’re gone, and there’s water here.  Whoops.  You know what, not acceptable.  (throws self off ledge and hears the Prince scream all the way down) When I said I’d try not to die, Farah, I didn’t mean it.  Imma try to die.  Because that is unacceptable.

Keep running. [Prince] Were you talking to me, Prince?  Because I appreciate being noticed.  I’m just gonna—

Whee.  I just dodge-rolled the entire length there.  That was actually kind of fun.

No, I mean it, it’s really broken. [Farah] Oh.  We thought you were trying to leave us behind.  I’ll look for another way in. [Prince] Try not to take too long. [Farah] I’ll try not to diiiiieee. 

You know, I said I’d stop now, but also—what time is it?  It’s nearly…noon.  I almost said midnight.  I can at least start the next area, figure out—okay, go down, there are columns.  Farah, why are you just watching all of this?  Oh, I get to walk across a thing.  I have yet to do that.  I am now halfway through.  Nice.

Hi there birdie, don’t notice me.

Down like it said.  Uh, behind me?  Yeah, behind me.  Broken column.  Now—behind me again?  Yes.

I am climbing on someone’s windowsill.  Behind me.  Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump—see, I know what I’m doing.  It’s just broken (PC port wise)—hahaha, it’s breaking on me, great.  The vision warned me, so that’s something, but still.

I’m up here. [Farah] Yeah, great, thanks for the— There’s a balcony down below.  Come on.  [Farah] (Prince says something) Yeah, seriously.

Down. (Prince makes a worried noise) It’s fine. 

Ewww.  Climbing through cobwebs.  (Spiders are fine, but cobwebs never go away.) 

Hey, look, sand.  Apparently I was supposed to lose sand in that fight and not actually realize it was optional.

How the blank did I get there—oh, apparently I do have to sheath my sword for that.  Nice.

Farah, tour guide.  Also, how do you know where we are?  That’s—I’ll ask the first sand creature I see.  “Could you direct me to the baths, please?”  “Oh, thank you, don’t mention it, I used to be a bath attendant back when I was alive.” [Prince] (bursts into laughter) “I’ll meet you at the baths.”  She orders me around like a servant! [Prince] (keeps laughing) (Prince goes into misogynistic speech, concluding with) From now on, she’ll have to toe the line.  …Assuming, that is, that I can find her. [Prince] (snorts) Nah, nah, you both lost your parents, come on. 

Umm.  Mmmm.  You warned me I couldn’t—You know, since it doesn’t actually matter, I know you said we couldn’t make that jump but let’s try anyway.  …Huh, we can make that jump.  Will you look at that.  Prince, you lied to me.  Why would you lie to me.  Oh.  That one you can’t actually make.  I thought you could maybe grab something down there, but no.  But you can actually go around here, even if you said you couldn’t.  Can you—nope.

Oh, that’s something right there.  Drop.  Wheee.

I don’t have to try to balance, that’s—(Prince makes wobbly noise) Oh, I do.

That looks so cool.

So don’t walk too fast, I think is the problem.  Me and my Leon hair. 

Oh, hey, water.  Note to self.  Water.

Hey look.  Probably alcohol and food.  Ew.  And food.  Who knows how long that’s been out there.  (Well, since…this morning?  A few days ago?  We didn’t wreck this place, like, years ago.)

Prince, you need to stop breaking every chair you sit in.  You’re not Bombur.  I have to look it up, is it Bombur?  (‘Tis, don’t doubt your Hobbit knowledge.)

Anyway, this seems as good a place as any to leave it off, Prince.  So we’ll see you next time, when we’ll know what we’re doing, which is cool.  I love this game so much.  Like, I didn’t think I’d like it as much as I do, but the gameplay is incredible.  (Even when it’s a janky port.)

We’ll listen to some music, and I’ll look up Bombur just to make sure I’m not messing up my—okay, yeah, it is Bombur.  (Told you, trust the wallrun and your Hobbit knowledge.  Messing up my Tolkien lore, that’s unforgiveable.  So, see y’all next time. 

Why does my QuickMemos keep opening up?  That’s what I have to ask.  Anyway, byeeeee!