Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 18

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Look, a crack! [Farah] Ohh.  …Sorry, I moved the box into your way, didn’t I?  You could’ve gone around the box.  That was fairly easy—That’s how you get in there!  Okay.

If you run into any poisonous snakes, as this is a zoo— (Prince starts speaking)

Here I am! [Farah] That’s nice, you don’t have to run into me constantly.

…Is this just a giant birdcage?  …That would explain where the giant eagle-bird—THIS IS WATER!  I thought this was something that you pushed.  I thought that this was a cart that you pushed—I am drinking the water meant for the birds.  I’m just going to let that sink in, Prince.  I’m drinking bird-water.  (silence)  Okay, now that that has sufficiently sunk in, how do we get up there?  Oh, good, now I’m standing on the water, that’s sure to be even better.

Why did you move outside, Farah?  Should I be concerned?  (Do you know something that we don’t?)

I’m guessing that this is one where I have to jump and then jump again.

Oops.  I mean, it did its job, but also oops, I did not mean to jump there.

*hums*

It is really pretty.  You bring me to the nicest places, Prince.  Aside from, you know, the whole sands of time thing, breaking everything.

Camera.  Camera, I can’t see.  I literally can’t see.

Where do we go from here?  …I guess I just swing, and we find out.  Oh, cool.  How do you swing up, Prince?  Oh, I guess you do jump off on the upswing.  That’s kind of cool.  That’s actually physics related and works, so that’s cool.

I think I’m supposed to jump to this one so I can get to the ladder.

Oh.  Or that was just, you know, a red herring, because I can just walk to the ladder.

It won’t move the camera for me…I guess that’s what we’re doing.  

If I fall from here we’re probably dead.  Don’t let that concern you too much, Prince.

I can see where they break out, Farah.  Mystery solved.

Hmmm.  This concerns me.  I don’t actually know how to get there.

I think there’s something with this broken…I don’t actually know how to get there.  Whoops.

I actually like this menagerie area, but I don’t know…there’s this broken branch, and I think I’m supposed to jump to it, but how though?  (camera had me convinced angling was weird)

I can go back inside, but there’s no real use, because I’m supposed to get to that ledge.  I can tell I’m supposed to get to that ledge.  But what do I do once I’m here?  How do I get to that…

Well, you can hit your head on it.  So that was a thing I learned.

I did the exact same thing.

That’s not how it happened. /laughs I was waiting for you to say that.  It’s been a while.  I don’t think you’ve said that this entire time.

Really? (to the checkpoint)

Birds.  I wonder how they survived the sands. [Farah]  I don’t think they did.  [Prince] They didn’t.  They’re evil.  Also, I’m…I think it’s cool that they kinda look like…not Horus…Thoth.  They have a Thoth head.  I can’t remember what bird Thoth was supposed to be based on.  (It’s the Ibis, if I remember correctly.  Yep.  Ibis.)  If these kill me…that’s all on you, Princess.  You’re the one who can mostly see and hit them.  (As they are in the air, and thus out of reach of the sword most of the time.)

Look, a crack. [Farah]  Yes, I know.  We’ve been here before.  (grumble grumble) /sigh

Déjà vu.  The feeling that you have been somewhere or done something before.

Here I am. [Farah] Yeah, hi.

…Did…did you somehow teleport?  Because you didn’t actually come out the crack, you just appeared here.  Is there…like, a necklace of time, or…you know, something?  Because I think you’ve been using it.  Although if you did have something…do you basically have King Crimson, I guess is the question I’m asking.  If you do…how and why?  ‘Cause I somehow don’t think having King Crimson is good for you.  That could be just me, but.  Also, Diavolo is a horrible person.  Let’s just be real.

Ooh, that’s cool.  There’s a lot of feathers floating down, but also, the Prince gets tired.  He breathes hard if he’s been working out a lot.

/laughs That was close, thank you for grabbing that ledge, Prince.

Hang on.  That tree branch looks like it’s facing this way.  What.

The tree branch is…

I hang my head in shame.  And take off my jacket.

Oh great, did I have that plugged in the entire time?  I did.  That’s why it’s so warm in here.  That’s why my head hurts.  That makes sense.  That was really dumb of me.  I think I knew that at one point and then forgot.  Ow.

I think I’ll have a date.  (An edible one.)  Unlike my real life, where I’m sad and lonely.

Oh, so this is where we are.  Why do you have a crank on top of your menagerie?  I know that’s the secret hero in Resident Evil games, but also, why do you have a crank in your Resident Evil—I mean, on top of your menagerie?

No.  (screams falling to his death)  Wrong direction, Prince.  Seriously, it’s just that ledge over there.  You could run to it probably.  Actually, yes.

I fall to my death.  Well, that’s a good vision.

Princess, my vision just told me that I was going to fall to my death, and that you weren’t going to do a thing to help me.

Do I jump, or do I wallrun… I don’t think I *can* wallrun.

I think I just jump.  If the Prince would stop being a little wuss.  Got it?

Okay, to be fair, that didn’t actually work as planned.

That didn’t work either.

Can I jump into a wallrun—maybe.

This is going to be rough.

Do you remember how to get past this?  That didn’t actually happen?

No.  You cannot jump into a wallrun.

So I just drop into it, but don’t let go the second time, because that kills you.  Am I supposed to go in here?

You’re welcome, by the way.

Also, why do they have mechanical ladders?

I like how this hasn’t closed.

She had proven herself to be a loyal companion. [Prince] Despite the fact that… (she’d shot you in the back) I confess, I was grateful for the company of someone who, like me, was flesh and blood. [Prince] That’s fair.  You’re saying that you’d fall for her if she’s the last girl in the world?  Because for all we know, she is.  We’ve seen sand women, so.  They’re actually kind of difficult, because they’re as fast as me, and they also dual wield.  That being said, there have been several times where she’s just decided not to help me, and I think it’s a case of she doesn’t want to risk friendly fire, because that is tempting fate, and—what are you shooting at?  What are—?  Is there something here?  (The timing is perfect, but given the music Imma say yes.)  Is there something attacking us?  Oh, there are scarabs over there.  I was going, Farah, just as I’m talking about friendly fire are you actually gonna shoot me in the back for no good reason?  Because I could see you doing that.

Oh, right, I actually get no sand stuff from these things, so it doesn’t matter how I kill them.  No, wait, actually it does, because it uses up the white things, which I really really don’t pay attention to.  But I should, probably.

When did I get hurt?

/hits wall Farah, we’re in the presence of more metal walls.  I don’t know why they made these metal things to look like actual rock, but.

…could you get out of the way please?  Fine, I’ll just jump up here, because apparently, it’s easier than asking you to move.  Because you’re just like “I don’t care if you want me to move, that’s not going to happen.”

Oh, great, more invincible barrels.

Seriously, when did I get hurt?  It must’ve been during the fight, probably?  (A logical conclusion.)  No, wait.  I was hurt even before then—Farah, did you actually shoot me in the back, because if so.  Ow.  That didn’t actually hurt me.  I just reflexively said ow.

Farah, if that did something useful for you, feel free to go through the door.  Farah, I don’t know what happens when I let go.  I don’t know if it actually stays open.  Could you…This lady, am I right?  She’s interesting.  She actually has a character, unlike most…NO, IT HURT.  And I asked you to go through so I didn’t have to do that, and you were like, “No, I don’t care to do that.”  At least it gave me full sand.  Farah, you are a trial.

Stand on that pressure plate, will you? [Prince] Yeah.  Yeah.

I’ll check whether it opened up something down here or something.

You say that, but you barely didn’t close that door on my head.  I still think you’re trying to murder me.

Farah, there’s an actual useful…I could actually pull this lever if it WASN’T GUARDED BY INVINCIBLE BARRELS.  …Oh.  They’re just invincible to the Dagger of Time…Okay, then.  I am kind of worried, though, because levers mean traps.  And traps are never fun.  Except for that one crazy guy.  He thought they were fun.

Ohhh no, more of these things.  Oh, I hate them.  I hate them, Jacques.  Ow, this is going to kill me.  Farah, this is going to kill me.

Prince.  Prince, would you actually try to jump that gap please?

That didn’t work this one.  It works the last one.  I can’t actually jump that far.

Don’t get snippy with me.  You’re the one who’s not giving me any help here.

You know, I’m going to do a dry run just to try to figure out…

Open the door! [Prince] /starts laughing hysterically I made it here.  I’m at the door!  Ohhh, Prince.  Right.

So that’s not actually too bad.  I say this and then I die horribly, but you know, it is what it is. 

The rest of you can stay alive.  Never mind, I actually have to murder you all, because otherwise I can’t pull the stupid lever.

Prince, would you actually line up with the lever?

I forgot those were saws.  As I run stupid.

Wrong way.  Wrong way, Prince.  Ohhh…you blew it.

I’m fine, thank you. [Prince] No.

So it seems. [Prince]  Don’t blame me, Prince.  You’re the one that decided you didn’t want to wall run.  This is all on you as far as I’m concerned.  To be fair, I did lose a lot of health, but Prince, seriously, you decided not to wallrun.  That part’s on you.

I might have to do this again.

It’s closing! [Farah] Yes, I know it’s closing.

You did it! [Farah]  Yes, I know I did it.  With very little health, for some reason.  There’s waterfalls somewhere…I might seem a little obsessed with water.  There’s a very good reason.  It’s magic.

This is where I die.  Farah, this is where I die.  Please, pull me up so that I do not in fact die.  That is all I have to say.

Do I wallrun on a bridge?

Wait, you’re having déjà vu too?  You’re having déjà vu too?  How?  Do you really have King Crimson too, because if so, I would sure like to know how…