Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 16

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

So are you saying that I don’t actually have to deal with that thing, because I don’t trust you.  Nope, nope there it is.  No, wait, you’re there.  Please tell me there’s water.

Stay there. [Prince]  Stay where?  Oh, there’s enemies.  I have no health, Farah.  …Actually, if you could take them out, please?  I’m just going to sit here and catch my breath.  Oh, wait, you can’t permanently take them out, can you?  Because you don’t have a Dagger of Time.  How am I supposed to get down?  …I have to get to that door, which—I realize I have no health.  Can I just drop?  …No, I just thought I’d—Please?  Okay, okay, you did leave me here.  You still left me with no health, though.

I broke a barrel with my head.  (The question from earlier remains, what are you made of, Prince??)

Farah, where am I supposed to go?  (She is entirely unhelpful.  And silent.)  Well, since it saved here, I guess I can try different things until it works.  …I think my first—once I get down, my first port of call is that water over there.

He teleported.  That’s…rude.  Dodge roll, dodge roll, give me water.  Come on, dodge roll.  Imma dodge roll around this entire area.  To be fair, this is probably kind of dumb, but.  (I have no health, what am I supposed to do, really?)  Farah, if you could hit these guys, that would be appreciated.  I also trapped myself in these barrels and am probably going to—okay.  I didn’t actually die, thank goodness.  Dodge roll, dodge roll, dodge roll, dodge roll.  Oh, hey, that’s more water.  Good grief.  Farah.  Please help me.  Farah.  If you could hit these fellows, that would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you for hitting—Okay, friendly fire also works on these guys, so.

Also, could you stop dodge rolling into these—I’m going to die.

Have you stopped telling me ‘that didn’t happen’?  Prince, have you actually given up on telling me ‘that didn’t happen’?  I feel like you have.  I feel like I’ve died so much that you’ve given up on telling me ‘that didn’t happen’.  Prince, wow.  Seriously, wow.

Thank you for breaking that.  It was in my way.

Why did you put your sword away? [you can probably guess]  Because I needed health, Farah.  This is the same thing I did during my fight with the Sand King, aka my Father, and it worked last time so I’m going to try it this time.

Oww.  I actually had some health, and then these guys are going to take it all away.

Thank you for missing me.

Thank you for trapping me in the corner and not actually doing anything [to] me.  I appreciate that greatly, thank you.

I should probably sword mostly.  Because at this point what I really need is [sand].  Also, Farah, don’t say anything smart about me putting my sword away, because [it’s annoying me].

*sings* Any help here, Farah?  Farah, Farah?  Any help here, please?  Far-ah!

Farah, please.  What are you doing up there?

Oh, great, I’m stuck in the corner.

Farah, Farah please.  Please help me.  (…wait.  If you’re turning back time, she’s not hearing these pleas for help.  …Okay, that made my brain hurt.)  It’s not safe to use this.  It’s also not safe to be in this corner.  Please get out of my way.

You did nothing in the last half of that fight, Farah.  Do you have anything to say for yourself, or are you just going to sit over there in silence?  You’re just going to say nothing, aren’t you?  Great. (save point)  Well, I know you don’t approve, but I didn’t exactly see you doing anything, so really, what use are you?  You know what, actually, I’m going to break all of these, because I don’t trust them and they were in the way when I was trying to escape.  And I didn’t see you being any help, Princess, so.  You can fight, you just chose not to.  I’m actually more mad about that than the—hey, box I can move. 

Hello, box.  You’re coming with me.  Also, you phased through that other box.  Do you have a name?  Like Big Box Barry?  Do you have any cousins?  …Okay, that’s going to bother me.  That’s better.  That’s mostly straight.  What did that move?  I don’t actually know what that moved.  Oh, there’s a box over there.  Can I push you off?  I can and it made a nice satisfying sound.  I like that.  We’re going on some type of adventure.  I’m not sure what type or what we’re doing or what this button does, but it’s here so I assume it’s for something important.  I have no idea what.  I didn’t get hurt at all, did I?  No.

I’m going to climb on all of these because I don’t know if any of these are important.  Camera, what are you doing?  Apparently there’s nothing important up here, okay.

You’re very silent, Princess.  Are you even there anymore?  Did you just leave?  Did you say ‘this guy is taking too long; I don’t actually care anymore’?   That’s irresponsible of you, Princess, I’ll have you know.  (If she’s not there, she’s not hearing your lecture.)

At least I fell next to the water.

(later) How did that kill me?  Legit, how did that kill me?  …Well, goodbye full Sand Tanks.  Like, legit, the same drop either kills me or barely does any damage.  (as I try it again)

I am incredibly impressed by you pulling yourself up with one hand on the crate and one hand on the air.

I don’t even know what to say to that, Princess.  ‘Oh no, please be careful’.  Can I push you?  I want to push you.  I cannot, in fact, push you.  Stop playing with your hair when I’m trying to push you.  Fine.

If you’re trying to steal my Dagger again when I’m having visions—which I should probably be paying more attention to—did you try to shoot me in the back?  Princess.  …I did wake up slightly further away from the—I can’t help it, Princess.  I need to save.  I might be addicted, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?