Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 3

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Look at that water.  And that carving. That carving is actually kind of creepy.  …Aaand there’s skulls.  And spiderwebs.  And chains.  *whispers*  What is this place?  Why do you have it?

Niiice.  I figured out what they wanted me to do really quickly.  …Nnnooo Prince, don’t do that.  No means no.  Don’t do that.  …Would you stop trying to jump off?  I’m trying to get you to wallrun.  …Oh, it’s because I’m not doing the direction, huh.  Yep.  There we go.  Niiice.  I like this game.  I’m actually decent—*again interrupted by Prince* The Dagger of Time.  How do you know what it is? 

…THANKS.  There’s just, like, a giant tapestry in my way.  That’s rude.  I need to see.  Guys, I need to see.  Okay, let’s try this wallrun…that did not go as planned.  That didn’t happen.  No, it didn’t.

Ohhh, really?  …To be fair, this part was easy.  And enjoyable.  If all games did this?  I’d be okay with platforming.

Yes, yes, the Dagger of Time.  Can I skip the cutscene?  I want to skip the cutscene.  …This time he didn’t say all the stuff, which helps.

…niiice.

What are you.  /slashes.  After inspection, hitting the wall doesn’t actually hurt me.  It’s just dumb.

Well, I mean, the Dagger of Time is right there.  Why can’t I get to it?  Why are you locked away?  Uhhh.  And why aren’t you giving me any tips anymore?  Is there anything up here?  Is there anything up here?  Well, there’s a balcony up there, but I don’t think we need to get up there.  This feels really dangerous.  Then again, I’m just messing with things trying to figure stuff out, so.  …The candle’s pretty. 

Oh.  Yeah, I’m supposed to go this way—oh.  Oh no.  This is going to get a lot…Yes.  I would guess avoid them is a good idea.  I didn’t need that prompt, game.  Spiky poles are best not…what was down again?  Now.  How do I avoid them, is the question?  …ow.  Not like that, apparently.  …Can you not, Prince?  Prince.  I don’t like the sound of that; what was that?

Oh, hey.  You’re smart enough that if I go backwards off a cliff… (I think I meant to finish that with ‘you grab the ledge’.)

So sometimes you grab it, and sometimes you’re like ‘I don’t think so, what are you doing?’

Oh, look, stuff I can drink.  Thanks, magic healing water.  I love you too.

Oooh, these look so cool.  Random art.  I can’t tell what’s happening, but it looks cool.  I think the one over here is a genie, but.  It vaguely looks like Book of Kells type stuff, but.  And more Ottoman stuff, but…my class was ages ago.  And dancing lady.  Okay.

I can’t get momentum in water.  That’s weird.  Can I climb you, lady?  No.  I realize that sounds rude, but also…I can’t get up.  Where am I supposed to be going?

Oh.  That would be the sound of the camera deciding not to help.  Okaaaaay.

There’s a ledge over there I don’t think I can reach, but I can try.  Oh, never mind, I can do that.

I do like the way that you said that.

Great, the spikes again.  ‘Avoid spiky poles.  You don’t know that’s a good idea.’  Actually, my vast experience with life has taught me that spiky poles are not to be trusted.  And this time, I didn’t get hit.

Okay, so generally when you’re wallrunning don’t actually hit anything or you will probably (fall?).  …Can you look behind you?  (Trust the wallrun.  In the wallrun we trust.)

Ohh.  Can I wallrun now?  …No, I cannot.  Game.  Game.  That didn’t help me.  Point away from ledge.  Oh.  I don’t know what I just did, but apparently it worked.  Let me try that again.  It worked.

Hiii, Spiky Poles.  Why do you exist?  What is your motivation in life?  …Oh, hey, you don’t cut my fingers off.  That’s always nice.

Not down.  I mean, not up.

I can’t tell what we’re supposed to do here.  Hmmm.

I tried to get you to go up, but you were just ‘naaah.  Naaah.  I’m too scared of the spiky pole.’  Which, to be fair, is fair. 

I think I’m supposed to get to that ledge, but I don’t know how.

(lots of Prince, Prince really?)

Why did you get out your sword?  And why were you stuck on your back with your sword out?  Prince?  Prince, what even are you?  Prince.  Prince.  I’m going to keep saying that, because I don’t even know what you’re doing right now.  Prince.  Okaaaayy.

That time you saved yourself.  Not that one though.

I might actually stop now because I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s…1:40.  And I just died.  No, I didn’t fall.  No, you didn’t, but I…I don’t know how to fix this, so.  Yeah.  We’ll see where it puts me back.  We’ll bring you back to your story tomorrow.  ATM, it is my bedtime and I have to stop.