The Willow Tapes (Tapes 38, 167, and 72)

[madimpossibledreamer]

Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer AU (Xander is an FBI Agent.  Universe is vaguely based on Normal Again.)
Summary: Xander and Alex like to keep Agent Rosenberg in the loop.
Word Count: 265
Rating: Gen

Who the hell is sitting around giving crack to these spiders?  Who’s getting their kicks from that stuff?  That’s the fifth one that’s rushed by at ninety miles per hour.  Well…I hope they’re spiders, or it’s even creepier than I previously thought.

We’re kind of glad you weren’t around when we were kids.  Our retail days weren’t our proudest moments.  Alex almost picked up smoking, could you imagine?  Of course, given his spiritual relation Constantine, maybe it was inevitable, but still.  He’s the clever one, I’m the common sense one.  You know, when I’m not being the reckless one and he’s being the voice of common sense.  Maybe you would’ve been the voice of common sense when we were kids.  Then again, given that your common sense told you to hack into the FBI database when you were a kid, maybe common sense is a moot point.

Willow, I know you don’t like me to discuss the state of the body, but this time, it isn’t particularly gruesome, just super confusing.  Remember watching the Mummy, the one with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz?  Excellent movie.  Well, you know as well as we do that it tends to rain in the afternoon in the Rockies, particularly in the Colorado area.  Which is why the find of the almost perfectly mummified body along with three other campers whose throats were merely slit after days of rainfall is, to say the least, completely and utterly bewildering the coroner.  The description of the mummification process is also (probably) accurate, though you probably shouldn’t think about that part too much.