Star Trek: The Voyage Home (aka the one with the whales) (First Watch)

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Okay, let it be known that I have ~0 context for this whatsoever.  The only other movie I’ve watched and remembered is The Wrath of Khan in theatres (that’s what started off this whole thing).  I’m pretty sure I watched at least part of the Search For Spock in Italy but I fell asleep because it was New Years and I was still discombobulated, so.

(mostly I was reading Tumblr searching for others who read the material same as I did aka Kirk is a feminist and then I ended up seeing gifs and deciding “I want”)

I love that font.

This is pretty epic music.

Oh hey, Spock’s parents are in this

CHAPEL IS A COMMANDER WHAT

Ooh, Saavik, she was cool.

Oh, hey, just realized.  How many movies just start with epic music and the credits?  They figure everybody’s ADD and needs a hook to be at all interested.

Black female captain!  Eat that!

(that’s also an alien, right?)

Saratoga is awesome.

Is this the events of the previous movie?  Blowing the Enterprise up?

Klingons call him ‘renegade’…uh, okay

THE GENESIS PROJECT WAS ACTUALLY CAROL’S BABY EXCUSE YOU

…actually, it was just a planet.  No different from any other planet, other than it was…people-made?  There’s no reason to suspect it was a better base than anything else (of course, previous movie might have been a thing)

Hey, Spock(?) (are they freaking out because you’re supposed to be dead?)

No, Sarek.

Vulcans are awesome.

We need a scene in nu!trek with the Federation.

Sarek’s also awesome.

Aww, David’s dead.

That was an awfully emotional word there, used precisely for the outburst it caused, I’m sure.

Klingons look normal, again.

SULU’S OUTFIT THOUGH

What are those red sharkhead hats though?

Scotty & McCoy are complaining about the Klingons, and Kirk’s just like “we can learn from them”

Bombarded with sensory input.  I don’t know that I’d do well with Vulcan teaching.

Hi Amanda please be more awesome than earlier.

True.

I like that alien (Starfleet, helm?)  I mean, he might be non-alien, but.

Come on, Captain, be awesome.  Saratoga.

They’re already on it.

Wait

Wait

Is that an Indian Captain?

Eeee

(I’m only paying attention to diversity because somebody pointed it out; normally I don’t even notice like ‘yes, hello, fellow human, what is your character like’)

“they were giving me a sour stomach” “was that what it was” KIIIRRK stop sassing your crew

Did her hair change?  (wait, different actress, ….right?)

And Kirk’s face like “I want to grieve but not here and now” oh man

What are you wearing Spock?

Oh, hey, you noticed too.

Bones your outfit also why

(can’t tell if that’s just you being weird bones)

Oh man whatever that is it’s super bad

Is earth in danger again?? ☹

Uh what

What

Is it

Messing with the atmosphere, or did Earth have weather machines that are suddenly now not working?

You can see their older selves in this movie.

Kirk’s captain instinct hasn’t dulled I see

Bones

Omg that is adorable

He’s like “I was wrong, I realized I was a xenophobe and I was wrong, let me awkwardly try to be the friend I should’ve been” and Spock is just….total Vulcan 😐ing at him

BONES WHAT ARE YOUR PANTS

I love how storm clouds sped up are the sign of death

ALIEN

We just need more aliens.

I love the weird thing the president or whatever is wearing

DID IT JUST SHUT OFF THE SUN I didn’t even capslock on purpose

Ionized the atmosphere?  Reminder to self, look up later.

This is a super good lead up to the story

And just Kirk—nah, everyone’s reactions

(can’t unsee Migraine!Jim)

Dolphins, octopi for sure.

Uhura just being awesome and competent.

Can’t let the triumvirate not be a triumvirate.  That would just be illogical.

Spock recognizes extinct earth species.  Let us say this again.  SPOCK RECOGNIZES EXTINCT EARTH SPECIES.

(so long and thanks for all the fish)

How many times have we time traveled by now?  (hint: at least twice)

Is time warp

Like, just a thing equipped to vessels in the future?  Not this one, but centuries later.

“off the deep end” like how many of Kirk’s ideas though?

“I prefer a dose of common sense” (always bones thanks)

Time travel things are always awesome

Satellites are super helpful

(I love how everyone’s just going “not again kirk”)

Is spock showing off to show everyone “I’m fine there’s nothing wrong with me”

“May fortune favor the foolish” that’s awesome.

Rust bucket at warp eight.  Oh man, they’re above nine that’s SRS BSNS.

Time travel is weird and looks like a lot of random greek statues floating through something

What is this movie

It’s a really dumb premise but you can go farther with a dumb premise, great writing, and great actors than you can with an awesome premise, awful writing, and great actors.

Ohhh it’s so awful Earth time periods can be read via the amount of pollution.  True, but.

Limiting time element.

Spock and Kirk are both history wonks aren’t they?

Oh yeah, the outdated nuclear power.

(the human attachment to geolocation)

I’m half certain that bones complained just for the sake of it.

Spock doesn’t get another awesome hat?

Bones and Kirk grinning at each other what

*laughs* subtle.  (there’s a particular quote the way that’s said in my head but I don’t remember who said it.)

“everybody remember where we parked” that is hilarious in context.

Kirk insulting people.

Sulu’s just enjoying everything. (as usual)

Kirk you look like you’re about to ambush the man.

…OH MAN TIME LOOPS

Or we could just use—well, our observation skills, good luck, and leadership.  Good thing I’m Kirk.

(seriously, though, a post-capitalist society, like…waiiiiiit are credits = bitcoin?  O.o)

How does that work??

Signs speaking to everybody.

Asking the police officer about the nuclear base.  Legend.

That’s…that’s the sort of stuff Constantine would be listening to.  And that was the beginning of my summer.

Okay, that gives me at least one answer about past music Jim doesn’t like.

Vulcan nerve pinch.  The entire bus loves it.

OH MAN KIRK’S SWEARING TO FIT IN THAT IS and he learned of it from READING this movie.

Kirk’s face of “I can’t tell if you’re pulling my leg” but to be fair it’s hard to tell when spock’s being sarcastic.

Jackelyn Suzanne and Harold Roberts—look up later.

Ferrari huh?

A pretty doctor.  Just your type, Kirk.

(I’ve seen someone think they’re fish recently actually in a game of “what am I thinking of”)

Instantly when she mentions a dangerous predator Kirk goes “man” wow.

(we don’t usually think about humans being predators)

Kirk’s sad eyes.  Yare yare daze because I don’t want to swear.

Those scenes are GRAPHIC.  And people are cringing.

Jim just grinning.

BRAIN NO WHY (just suddenly flashed the Torchwood episode and…oh yeah, I didn’t talk about the adventures with youtube subtitling, did I?  well, youtube subtitles decided that the space whale kept talking about home and just NO THAT’S NOT OKAY)

UHM SPOCK WHY ARE YOU I mean, mind-meld, but seriously, why are you doing this with everybody watching???

(also spock in a speedo like what)

Spock using profanity because he’s taking Jim as the expert oh man

It doesn’t help that he’s wearing essentially a bathrobe

ARE YOU never mind I didn’t mean capslock are you the jerk who’s gonna flirt with her?  Oh, good.

“I don’t know about you but my compassion for someone is not limited to my estimate of their intelligence.” This is a beautiful quote.

Can’t your tricorder read…oh wait nuclear radiation is probably something it’s not programmed to find

Say what

Chekov grinning like a madman.

Everything else failed CHARM IT UP

Also she’s curious which is such a Starfleet human thing

But think about it

Vulcans are kind of the intelligence side of the peace love movement

You talk to the man who loves flowers and romance I guarantee you it wasn’t a macho thing

Landlubber sure.

A photographic memory + synesthesia???  SHE’S AWESOME WHY CAN’T WE HAVE MORE INTERESTING CHARACTERS AND more interesting CHARACTER QUIRKS FLAIL

Starfleet isn’t military hear it here.

“You’re not exactly catching us at our best” “That much is certain” THESE TWo

Spock.  SPOCK.  SPOCK.

Doyoureally know what Italian tastes like

You know they probably have so many different foods on Earth ‘cause federation let’s try everything

Just setting Scotty up to rant at everything yes please

Bones’ smile disappearing the instant scotty says ‘assistant’

Scotty’s just like ‘you can’t harsh my squee’

Sulu geeking out about old helicopters oh wow

They’re all just showing off how awesome they are as a crew and how intelligent they all are I love this crazy crew

Talking to it doesn’t work in this time period scotty

What are you even typing scotty

I saw a couple of formulas there

Inventing it haha

As opposed to this time period where you can yell at a woman for interrupting you

(kidnap that poor lady bring her back to the future plz she deserves better)

Who-wait, who beamed you up???

(that isn’t actually Italian I’ll have you know)

No he’s actually interested though like you think he’s just asking to be nice and not actually interested but really he cares about how you became a doctor especially in this backwards timeframe where it’s not even a normal thing like you become a doctor in the future and it’s just like ‘oh yeah she decided to become a doctor that’s normal’

Because they don’t hunt in the future.  Beautiful (well, maybe people hunt for food but it’s really regulated and everybody looks at trophies with scorn and what primitives were these people)

KIRK HAVING THE WEIRDEST EXPRESSION WITH THE BEER OH YES PLEASE (ALSO THAT IS MY REACTION TO ALCOHOL BUT SERIOUSLY) ROMULAN ALE = NORMAL MICHELOB = WHAT IN THE NAME OF KLINGONS IS THIS THING I’M DRINKING

Kirk’s like “I know I don’t seem like it but I am competent”

Pocket pager

“Who do you think I am” with the charm-filled grin kirk what are you sometimes 😊

This is where most people would say “you can’t handle the truth” and Kirk just goes into it

I can’t tell if she’s buying it

“Don’t tell me they don’t use money in the twenty-third century” “we don’t”

That’s one thing I miss in the twenty-third century

The pets

Though maybe the Vulcans communicated with them and said “hey man these people are cool but could they maybe not keep us on leashes”?  it’s my best guess

She didn’t believe it.

Didn’t mention the probe.

The earnest face though.

BONES WEARING GOGGLES AND WATCHING SCOTTY WELD

I didn’t know I needed all these things before I had them this is utterly ridiculous

Uh-oh

(next thing you know they’ll get caught and kirk will have to rescue them and use his dumb fighting style and flirt with the captors)

Everyone’s outfits are cool

“scotty now would be a good time”

Nuclear WESSELS

Phasers

Ohhh nonworking phaser

Throws it to the guy brilliant

Chekov just grinning what

Oh man your leather clothes though

(nevermind)

(Not water)

And kirk figured out the Klingon ship as quickly as scotty  COMPETENT

The differing needs of grief, whether ‘tis easier to not deal with it again or say goodbye one last time.

It’s a good thing you’re a great pilot, Sulu, because in the hands of anything less than a great one helicopters are nuts to fly.

*bounces into starship* yeah, saw that coming.

Kirk just…transports her.

(also he understands those systems too like everybody’s 1100% competent in this movie)

ONE OF MY MEN IS HURT in this time period (also yeah 20^th century medicine is comparatively primitive)

Doctor kirk oh mannnn

Mccoy gets distracted by woman in pain so like a doctor

Course for bones it’s always a bad day

“What did you say she’s got?” “Cramps” BONES

Bones arguing medicine with people that is amazing

We move on beyond chemo :D

…he’s fine.

“not now Pavel”

And Bones gets sidetracked by people maybe getting hurt in their mad rush.  There’s a doctor for you.

Spock we talked about this.

Scotty’s looking forward to the challenge I’m sure

Bones bones you’re such a goof

LOOK AT UHURA’S NAILS she can have long, pretty female nails and still do her job

And you don’t even have to have a Big Bad (whalers, society, sure but)

What language was that?

You could de-cloak just to startle the ship and give yourself more time.  I mean, the prime directive, but end of the world more important

Hehhhhhh

Klingons freak out humans even in this time period.

Scotty just getting excited.  Man.

(and Spock’s eyebrows just saying ‘stop making fun of me’)

(AND BONES EXPLAINING KIRK’S THOUGHT PROCESS)

DH Lawrence.

Everyone’s blissed out expressions what

If those things need Klingon strength you’re out of luck

Hey if the choice is dying here or at the end of the world it’s not a choice is it

Kirk holding his breath

Your hair looks weird sir

Why do you keep going under?

Spock grinning

(maybe they don’t know how ‘cause they were growing up in captivity)

(that would be an awful ending)

(we never get an explanation do we)

(there’s just whales because whales)

It sounds kinda like a Vorlon though

This just in: whales are large-scale Vorlons

Genetically though even two whales plus a baby isn’t enough to repopulate a species

Oh reverse photography brilliant

Oh kirk just splashing the water like the whale

And then the crazy crew just having a blast in the water you’re all nuts

Awesome, but nuts

There’s the shuttle we sent for you

We want this guy because he’s nuts and can save places whether or not it’s asked for.

(if you think the Enterprise belongs to anyone other than Scotty you’re probably wrong)

She’s wearing a new uniform.

Keeping discipline yes Kirk gets that

Kirk trying not to smile at that.

SO MANY ALIENS

He’s not adverse to her finding him.

She got promoted to a science vessel already.

THEY’RE GETTING ALONG

Vulcan wedding ring on third finger?

Oh that is beautiful.  Spacedock is music—uh.  Didn’t mean to say that but y’know

Everyone’s just like ENTERPRISE

Crew as family.

This inside of the ship looks more like AOS

I love this movie holy cow.