Can't Breathe

Main Points:
Buffy AU (for now just Yakuza inspired)
Chapter Summary: Xander has a panic attack.
Word Count: 275
Rating: Teen
Warning: panic attack, very vaguely mentioned Angelus torture

          It’s when he finally makes it to his new home that he has his first panic attack.  He’s doing fine on the way over, because the pain’s back, even just a little bit.  They’re trying to wean him off the painkillers, which really isn’t going to be a problem, seeing as he’s actually kind of craving the pain, not that he’s mentioned that to anyone.
          Not that he’s mentioned anything to anyone.  Sometimes he doesn’t feel like it, sometimes he tries and the words just won’t come.  That’ll make the psych sessions interesting, for sure. 
          He wakes in a place he doesn’t recognize lying down and he can’t breathe.  It’s not like the hospital, all blinding white and bright lights.  Or had that been a hallucination?  He doesn’t know where Angelus is or what he’s planning and he’s trapped and he can’t breathe—
          He falls.
          Running.  A door thrown open.  Hands around his wrists and he’s sobbing, shrinking away, because they’re manacles and he can’t breathe, can’t scream, that’s exactly what Angelus wants—
          “You’re safe, Xander.”  Giles.
          He huddles into the warmth.  Safe. 
          He’s shaking at the words, only he realizes he’s the one speaking them, and like the giggling, he can’t stop.  “It hurts, it hurts.”  His voice is almost unrecognizable.  He hasn’t used it in a while.  “It hurts, it hurts.”  He can’t stop babbling now.  “It hurts, it hurts.”  Tears streaming down his cheeks, clinging like a scared child.  “It hurts, it hurts.”
          “Did I ever mention a show called Doctor Who?” Giles asks and then begins to gently explain the show to him over the sound of his own frantic mantra.