Inkblot Test
Mar. 24th, 2026 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madimpossibledreamer“genderbent” (in quotes because Alex is having some Gender Feelings) cosplay is actually pretty common but it’s not like Alex knows that. She’s never been to Anime Expo or any of the other conventions.
I figured they’d be oblivious enough to have a whole conversation about lesbians without Alex realizing most of these things are not really straight thoughts to have about your friend (unless you yourself are not cis). Though there’s also shades of butch in here too. Basically, it’s the 90s, they’re clueless about lgbtq+.
I have no clue if Alex realizes the badge line is a misquote or not.
Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/X-Files (The Truth is Out There {Stranger than Fiction})
Summary: Alex is left explaining everything to Buffy because Willow's not here yet.
Word Count: 1264
Rating: Teen
Warnings: period-typical homophobia, internalized transphobia (even if Alex doesn't realize it)
Buffy looks fairly unimpressed, but at least she doesn’t confront Alex in front of Willow. “I thought you were going to save the day.”
“Hey, some guys really dig suits.” It’s a little weird, playacting this, but also...nice, in a way. Nostalgic. They actually had played house back in kindergarten, mostly because Jesse wasn’t interested, back before anyone had explained that two girls couldn’t be family in that way. “And they also love lesbian vibes. It’s just the real deal that offends their masculinity or something.”
“Would you stop messing with those and take this seriously?” Buffy hisses, and Alex sends her a wounded look.
“It’s a Willow-mandated prop. She figured people would have a better chance of actually placing where we’re supposed to be from if I had this, but also I have absolutely no idea how to eat sunflower seeds,” Alex confesses.
“I don’t think we want to get her a boyfriend that wants a harem orgy,” Buffy states flatly, and Alex stops her attempt at gingerly biting into a seed to consider that.
“...That’s actually a really good point, but it’s not like I suggested this. I really don’t think I can pull off Mulder no matter how many cool trenchcoats I get from weirdo Englishmen. I was just figuring, you know, we’re talking again, and she’s not in a ghost costume, so technically I did absolutely everything you asked me to do. It’s not my fault you weren’t more specific about it.” She does a twirl to emphasize that the coat is at least cool, and Buffy sighs heavily.
“Fine. Next time I’ll remember that you actually asked for step-by-step instructions.” Ouch. Treating her like she’s a little kid, but whatever, Buffy’s not wrong. She did technically ask for it.
“I just…” She’s asking for serious, she can get serious. “After everything we talked about, I really didn’t want to rain on her parade. She gets all excited about stuff for us, but it’s been a while since she’s done a thing just for her. And when it comes to Willow with the trying something new thing, I think she really could pull this off.”
Buffy stops teasing and resigns herself to the fact that she’s not getting Willow in a short miniskirt or spandex or whatever. “So what are you both supposed to be, anyway?”
“FBI agents who go around solving weird occurrences around the country.” Buffy gets that look she always gets when it’s hitting too close to home. “Actually, the Slayer would probably actually be an X-File. I’m Mulder, the believer of the duo, which I can kind of do, apart from the fact that he’s actually intelligent and witty and I just kind of let my mouth run and hope the evil trying to eat me goes away. Willow’s going for Scully, and it’s a lot more fitting—she’s also really intelligent and good at science and math and all such things, and she’s also a pretty redhead. Though she’s not a skeptic, given what we have to research on a vaguely weekly basis. What’s going to make it even worse is that we’re going to get split up for this ridiculous trick-or-treat chore, so I’m not going to have the luxury of hanging out with her for possible actual recognition. Willow’s always kinda liked the show, but this last season there was actually a Jewish episode, so she got pretty excited.”
Buffy’s still scrunching up her face like she’s slightly confused. “I’m still not seeing where the lesbian stuff comes in.”
“Mulder and Scully have tension. Hence vibes.” Alex shrugs. “Though a lot of it comes out with banter. Which is good, ‘cause I can kinda do banter.”
“And you’re not upset.” It’s rare that Buffy cares about her feelings specifically; she’s more Willow’s friend than hers. So it’s something to be celebrated.
“I wasn’t planning on a dress like you or anything. The last time I wore one was the last time we actually went to church.” She doesn’t have to elaborate that that’s not a comfortable memory. Buffy had a kind of difficult time wrapping her head around the idea that parents and children could have a bad relationship, something that Alex kinda envies, honestly. She’d gotten it eventually, though. “You know me. I’m a rough-and-tumble kind of gal, anyway. I mean, I still have a skateboard. Okay, sure, I was probably going to go really, really low-effort and do a soldier or something, but still.” She makes a face. Alex’s mouth runs away from her again, news at 11. “...You know what I mean.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t recommend you do anybody right now, but we could at least get you a soldier boyfriend, maybe. There is a base in town,” Buffy teases.
Alex has to voice her displeasure at the situation, but maybe it’s smart to multitask and also hide her head against the kitchen counter. “Uuuuuuuugggghhh.”
Buffy just laughs, but she also pats Alex’s shoulder in what is probably supposed to be more of a sympathetic than a mocking gesture. “If she’s all excited about it, why isn’t she here yet? She’s usually the first to lecture us all about being on time and stuff.”
Alex inches closer to the candy bowl, abandoning the sunflower seeds (like a Slayer wouldn’t notice if she was paying attention, but still, hopefully she’s preoccupied?). “I think what’s actually taking her is that she mumbled something about making us both badges.”
That thought is apparently enough of a distraction that she doesn’t react fast enough to grab Alex’s hand before she takes one of the chocolates and pops it in her mouth. Buffy’s glare is scary enough that she’s not going to do it again (at least, not anytime soon). A gesture of surrender gets Buffy to go back to the conversation, though. “...She can do that?”
“There are computer exploits of the Willow that you really, really don’t want to know about. Mostly for the sake of plausible deniability,” Alex tells her, and then the woman of the hour appears. She’s still a little less than confident, which she shouldn’t be. Buffy was right; she can be a really good-looking lady when she’s not hiding under frumpy sweaters and overalls. She perks up when she sees Alex, though.
“I brought gifts!” she states brightly. “Including, um. It’s obviously not real, because my mom would kill me if anything happened, but period jewelry. Ish.”
It’s clearly something she thought of last minute so Buffy wouldn’t feel left out, but she accepts it as graciously as she can.
“And, uh. I figured you’d forget a tie, Alex, so I got one. Along with, tada! Badges!” For fake badges, those do look pretty real.
“‘We don’t need no stinking badges!’” At Willow’s crestfallen look, Alex adds, “It’s a reference, never mind. Those look really good.”
“Let me get this tie on you,” Willow suggests, and as weird as Alex feels about letting anyone this close to her neck, best friend or no, she’s not really going to get the chance to try to figure it out on her own so she doesn’t have to make a fool of herself in public, is she?
“I guess I’ll go get Mom’s help to get the dress on,” Buffy decides, probably guessing it’s going to take a bit, which...is probably true. Willow’s definitely in one of those moods where she’s decided to do something so she’s going to go all out. Alex bends down a little so Willow can see what she’s doing and resigns herself to her fate.
I figured they’d be oblivious enough to have a whole conversation about lesbians without Alex realizing most of these things are not really straight thoughts to have about your friend (unless you yourself are not cis). Though there’s also shades of butch in here too. Basically, it’s the 90s, they’re clueless about lgbtq+.
I have no clue if Alex realizes the badge line is a misquote or not.
Main Points:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/X-Files (The Truth is Out There {Stranger than Fiction})
Summary: Alex is left explaining everything to Buffy because Willow's not here yet.
Word Count: 1264
Rating: Teen
Warnings: period-typical homophobia, internalized transphobia (even if Alex doesn't realize it)
Buffy looks fairly unimpressed, but at least she doesn’t confront Alex in front of Willow. “I thought you were going to save the day.”
“Hey, some guys really dig suits.” It’s a little weird, playacting this, but also...nice, in a way. Nostalgic. They actually had played house back in kindergarten, mostly because Jesse wasn’t interested, back before anyone had explained that two girls couldn’t be family in that way. “And they also love lesbian vibes. It’s just the real deal that offends their masculinity or something.”
“Would you stop messing with those and take this seriously?” Buffy hisses, and Alex sends her a wounded look.
“It’s a Willow-mandated prop. She figured people would have a better chance of actually placing where we’re supposed to be from if I had this, but also I have absolutely no idea how to eat sunflower seeds,” Alex confesses.
“I don’t think we want to get her a boyfriend that wants a harem orgy,” Buffy states flatly, and Alex stops her attempt at gingerly biting into a seed to consider that.
“...That’s actually a really good point, but it’s not like I suggested this. I really don’t think I can pull off Mulder no matter how many cool trenchcoats I get from weirdo Englishmen. I was just figuring, you know, we’re talking again, and she’s not in a ghost costume, so technically I did absolutely everything you asked me to do. It’s not my fault you weren’t more specific about it.” She does a twirl to emphasize that the coat is at least cool, and Buffy sighs heavily.
“Fine. Next time I’ll remember that you actually asked for step-by-step instructions.” Ouch. Treating her like she’s a little kid, but whatever, Buffy’s not wrong. She did technically ask for it.
“I just…” She’s asking for serious, she can get serious. “After everything we talked about, I really didn’t want to rain on her parade. She gets all excited about stuff for us, but it’s been a while since she’s done a thing just for her. And when it comes to Willow with the trying something new thing, I think she really could pull this off.”
Buffy stops teasing and resigns herself to the fact that she’s not getting Willow in a short miniskirt or spandex or whatever. “So what are you both supposed to be, anyway?”
“FBI agents who go around solving weird occurrences around the country.” Buffy gets that look she always gets when it’s hitting too close to home. “Actually, the Slayer would probably actually be an X-File. I’m Mulder, the believer of the duo, which I can kind of do, apart from the fact that he’s actually intelligent and witty and I just kind of let my mouth run and hope the evil trying to eat me goes away. Willow’s going for Scully, and it’s a lot more fitting—she’s also really intelligent and good at science and math and all such things, and she’s also a pretty redhead. Though she’s not a skeptic, given what we have to research on a vaguely weekly basis. What’s going to make it even worse is that we’re going to get split up for this ridiculous trick-or-treat chore, so I’m not going to have the luxury of hanging out with her for possible actual recognition. Willow’s always kinda liked the show, but this last season there was actually a Jewish episode, so she got pretty excited.”
Buffy’s still scrunching up her face like she’s slightly confused. “I’m still not seeing where the lesbian stuff comes in.”
“Mulder and Scully have tension. Hence vibes.” Alex shrugs. “Though a lot of it comes out with banter. Which is good, ‘cause I can kinda do banter.”
“And you’re not upset.” It’s rare that Buffy cares about her feelings specifically; she’s more Willow’s friend than hers. So it’s something to be celebrated.
“I wasn’t planning on a dress like you or anything. The last time I wore one was the last time we actually went to church.” She doesn’t have to elaborate that that’s not a comfortable memory. Buffy had a kind of difficult time wrapping her head around the idea that parents and children could have a bad relationship, something that Alex kinda envies, honestly. She’d gotten it eventually, though. “You know me. I’m a rough-and-tumble kind of gal, anyway. I mean, I still have a skateboard. Okay, sure, I was probably going to go really, really low-effort and do a soldier or something, but still.” She makes a face. Alex’s mouth runs away from her again, news at 11. “...You know what I mean.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t recommend you do anybody right now, but we could at least get you a soldier boyfriend, maybe. There is a base in town,” Buffy teases.
Alex has to voice her displeasure at the situation, but maybe it’s smart to multitask and also hide her head against the kitchen counter. “Uuuuuuuugggghhh.”
Buffy just laughs, but she also pats Alex’s shoulder in what is probably supposed to be more of a sympathetic than a mocking gesture. “If she’s all excited about it, why isn’t she here yet? She’s usually the first to lecture us all about being on time and stuff.”
Alex inches closer to the candy bowl, abandoning the sunflower seeds (like a Slayer wouldn’t notice if she was paying attention, but still, hopefully she’s preoccupied?). “I think what’s actually taking her is that she mumbled something about making us both badges.”
That thought is apparently enough of a distraction that she doesn’t react fast enough to grab Alex’s hand before she takes one of the chocolates and pops it in her mouth. Buffy’s glare is scary enough that she’s not going to do it again (at least, not anytime soon). A gesture of surrender gets Buffy to go back to the conversation, though. “...She can do that?”
“There are computer exploits of the Willow that you really, really don’t want to know about. Mostly for the sake of plausible deniability,” Alex tells her, and then the woman of the hour appears. She’s still a little less than confident, which she shouldn’t be. Buffy was right; she can be a really good-looking lady when she’s not hiding under frumpy sweaters and overalls. She perks up when she sees Alex, though.
“I brought gifts!” she states brightly. “Including, um. It’s obviously not real, because my mom would kill me if anything happened, but period jewelry. Ish.”
It’s clearly something she thought of last minute so Buffy wouldn’t feel left out, but she accepts it as graciously as she can.
“And, uh. I figured you’d forget a tie, Alex, so I got one. Along with, tada! Badges!” For fake badges, those do look pretty real.
“‘We don’t need no stinking badges!’” At Willow’s crestfallen look, Alex adds, “It’s a reference, never mind. Those look really good.”
“Let me get this tie on you,” Willow suggests, and as weird as Alex feels about letting anyone this close to her neck, best friend or no, she’s not really going to get the chance to try to figure it out on her own so she doesn’t have to make a fool of herself in public, is she?
“I guess I’ll go get Mom’s help to get the dress on,” Buffy decides, probably guessing it’s going to take a bit, which...is probably true. Willow’s definitely in one of those moods where she’s decided to do something so she’s going to go all out. Alex bends down a little so Willow can see what she’s doing and resigns herself to her fate.
