“My” Xanders (pre-2021)

[madimpossibledreamer]

I’ve written more than a few over the years, and it’s interesting how different they are, even as they’re all the same person. I wouldn’t even imagine that they’d all get along.

 

The “worst” of them is the Xander who has yet to show up in Stardust Legacy. I haven’t even written the part yet, but he’ll be every bit the jerk of Dead Man’s Party plus a hostility to Buffy’s father (Jotaro) akin to Jotaro and Anasui’s meeting during Eyes of Heaven (and for, pretty much, the same bad reasons). Part of this is that it’s so easy for every Scooby to come off badly if another one is in main focus. (I also wanted to play with Jotaro dealing with hostility, because he means well but he also isn’t winning the Father of the Year award—although, compared to the other fathers of the Scoobies, he does, hands down.)

Secondly, young Xander is a very different creature than Older Xander. Younger Xander has still been conditioned by society and his father not to fight his jerkish tendencies. Older Xander has had times to come to terms with his place as a ‘comfortador’ and realize that it’s not unmanly; it’s one of his sources of strength.

He’s also oblivious enough not to realize the damage he does (a trait I’m pretty sure every Scooby, even including Giles, shares) or manages to delude himself into thinking that his friends know him well enough that they’ll realize he didn’t mean anything by it. And apologizing is showing weakness.

The Scoobies, overall, seem to vacillate between selfishness and selflessness. I’m pretty sure the condition from which they suffer is called ‘being a teenager’. I’m not sure what Giles’ excuse is.

The Xander from I Hope Tomorrow is a Better Day, Shini!Xan, is probably my next most problematic Xander. He might be a little older, but not by much. One of his biggest issues in Season 4 was lack of communication, partly because one of his biggest fears (and, in a sense, self-fulfilling prophecies) is coming true—his friends are leaving him behind to become educated and successful, while he remains The Loser in the Basement. By this point, he knows not to listen to his father, and yet he’s internalized the—at least verbal—abuse anyway. He may be good about putting on a fake smile, but he’s caught between feeling entitled because he wants everything he’s never had and thinking he deserves nothing. So, when he notices something wrong, he doesn’t speak up about it. He doesn’t want to be the Problem Scooby (though Mascot Scooby is probably as high as he’s aiming). He doesn’t want to be the Damsel in Distress. He wants to be able to solve things on his own, be able to save himself.

That’s going to be problematic for them all later, but then, it’s not like that’s a mistake they don’t all make (and, honestly, over and over).

 

(Obviously, this is old, actually hand-written and then typed up and I never finished it, but it’s interesting. Sideways Magick Xander would like to have a word when it comes to the most messed up Xander I’ve written, and honestly, he might actually have it.) Eventually I want to do more meta like this, but we’ll see.