madimpossibledreamer

Main Points:
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure/Buffy the Vampire Slayer AU
Chapter Summary: Giles has a talk with Xander.
Word Count: 1792
Rating: K
Note: HERE THERE PROBABLY BE BUFFY/JJBA SPOILERS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

"And how are you sleeping now?" He'd been half asleep the last time he'd been in the Head Watcher's office. He couldn't remember it all being this intimidating, all pristine and carefully organized, and....well, soulless. It had no personality. It being Giles' office, you'd think there'd be musty old tomes everywhere and maybe a tea set out or something, but if there was any of that, it was neatly tucked away in a drawer or otherwise hidden away.

Which didn't help put him at ease in the slightest. Okay, yeah, so the G-man might have said something about Americans and being slobs after cleaning his glasses and pleading with him to 'stop using that dreadful nickname', but he'd been in the library and Giles' apartment and the Magic Box, and at least all of those had the feeling of being lived in and a weird sort of British comforting feel, and this didn't feel like that at all. It reminded him of the previous Watchers, the ones who died. And he could still be sorry for their deaths and think they were stuck-up jerks at the same time. He could multitask, really.

They'd been impersonal and had thought of Slayers more like tools than actual people. Now, with so many Slayers instead of just one at a time, maybe, connecting with each and every one of them might be difficult, so crazies like the ones he'd overheard earlier today might just slip through the cracks, but everyone here could at least make an effort and say they were available to anyone who wanted to talk.

Maybe he should make it a personal mission to just sneak in stuff so that people could feel they weren't on trial or something. Of course, finding a time when Giles was likely to not be in his office would probably be difficult, but he'd found an important quest, and he'd figure it out, if only for the mental health and well-being of anyone who might be summoned like this.

And he'd been staring into space for a bit. Not good.

"Better, but there's a lot of catching up to do. I'm still pretty tired." There, a decent answer. On one hand, not telling one of the people most knowledgeable on the subject of magic about magic-type symptoms was taking chances with health that were really kind of stupid. On the other hand, Willow was almost-lying to him, and Giles was probably involved, too. They weren't listening to him about the mask, and they'd called him back for a reason that no one would tell him, and were just generally behaving oddly. The dreams were weird, and he was probably behaving a little strangely himself, but he had a good explanation that was pretty obvious for that one. The mask was up to no good and no one would even consider that for a moment, and he was kind of tired. People were weird when they hadn't had enough sleep. No one else had really bothered to make it obvious or explain anything. Besides, he was beginning to feel like this was one mystery he was supposed to solve.

"Mmm. And the matter for which Spike escorted you here?" British-speak was so polite. Actually, since Spike was British, too, and he went out of his way to not be polite, maybe that was just Giles. The correct verb was probably more along the lines of 'dragged', even if he hadn't had the energy to actually put up any resistance. Even if he'd have come anyway. Eventually.

"...You mean, the dreams?" He fidgeted, restless, hardly able to sit still. Could he actually destroy it, with a good old fashioned hammer or something? That was beginning to sound like a better and better idea, but then again, some artifacts were tricky and released a malevolent spirit or curse or something like that. What should he say here?

Giles fixed him with an unamused glare. "Xander, I need to know, in terms you'll understand, 'exactly what is going on with you right now'. With the way you're acting and some of the other changes we've noticed, we're very concerned. I'd like to think you can talk to us about any problems you might be experiencing or your life in general."

Xander bit back his first instinct. Things in his life tended to belong in one of three categories: things he didn't want to burden others with, things that his friends didn't want to hear, and things he talked about, but only about half the time actually got a listening ear in return. Of course, this in particular kind of belonged in all three categories, a first as far as he could remember, but saying so would only hurt their feelings and he didn't want to do that.

He could play it off, at least a little, and keep working at it on his own. Of course, they'd just write it off as stress and not pay any more attention, but...did he want that?

No. He didn't want them panicking, but he didn't want them writing him off entirely, either. He might sound like a madman now, but if the thought that 'what if he might be right' stayed in their heads, then if anything actually happened they'd react a lot quicker and it might save their lives.

He sighed heavily and stared at the arm of his chair. "I...well, I'm pretty sure part of it is about Ahn." Why was this suddenly feeling like a visit to the psychiatrist's? He didn't have to look up to feel the sudden compassion on Giles' face. "When I was out there, I didn't have time to think about Anya. I was doing something important, saving people somehow, even if all that meant was just finding one particular Slayer and warning her about the fact that demons would be after her. This is the first chance after she..." He took a deep breath, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes. "That I've just had nothing to do. I sit around, and I remember that she's gone. And I remember the mess I made of the wedding and the fact that I hurt her so badly that she didn't want to try again, and that I won't even get the chance to try to begin to apologize, even if there's nothing I really could do to fix it." His stare is bleak, helpless, now. He feels the tug of drink to lose the pain in the rain of oblivion, but he's not going to turn into his dad, not now, not ever.

He manages a smile at Giles. "It's just something I've gotta work through. I'm pretty damn proud of her, though. She died saving people and that's got to count for something, right? Even though she didn't have anything left. She was just normal like me. I hope that when I die, and I really hope that's far in the future, I can die half as well as she did."

Another deep breath. He's not going to cry. He cried at the funeral. "Still, though, that doesn't explain what I felt when I saw that Stone Mask. It's...I dunno. Like it's cursed. It's that feeling you get when you see the archaeologists going into the cursed tomb, and you're yelling at them to not go in there, that's dangerous, they're going to die, but they do it anyway because it's a movie and they can't hear you. Maybe I overreacted a little, but...the feeling hasn't gone away. It comes back every time I think about the thing."

Giles actually gets up from behind his desk and comes over. He tries to pull off a hug, but it just ends up being super awkward. Xander can't stop the helpless giggle, though, and a long minute passes by. Eventually, Giles backs away, probably embarrassed by how badly he'd failed, but then, it probably was a bit more American than he'd practice on a regular basis. At least this time he sits in one of the chairs, rather than behind the desk, which is a lot less intimidating.

"If you need to talk, feel free to drop by. Unfortunately, rebuilding is quite a lot of work, but I'd be happy to help. I'm sure we all miss her to varying degrees, and it's never easy to lose someone you care about." The harmless librarian persona is back, and it seems that Xander, for once, managed to say the exactly right thing. "On the subject of the mask, I've made inquiries, but had yet to find anything. I hadn't considered the thought of a curse, so I can direct my search in a new path and possibly find something. Also, perhaps it is wise to relocate the mask to somewhere less out in the open." Xander opened his mouth, but before he could even speak Giles chuckled. "Yes, yes. I will refrain from touching it with my bare hands. I've been told that's been a particular concern of yours."

Xander smiled sheepishly. "Thanks." He paused, and now was as good a time to ask as any. "Why was I called out of Africa?" Perhaps less blunt was a good idea, but this putting thought into what you say before you say it thing was hard.

Instantly, the open attitude was gone, though the smile was probably meant to convey the impression Giles was still sharing a lot more than he normally would. "I didn't tell Willow this, but I wondered if, perhaps, you had volunteered for duties in Africa simply because you didn't want to think about your grief. It's not healthy, so I thought perhaps a forced vacation might be in order."

"Trying to figure out if I can swim by throwing me in the ocean, huh?" An offended look began to cross the man's face, and he quickly added, "...Thanks, though. I probably need it, even if it hurts. But that's life for you, isn't it?"

"Well, exactly. Though, er, I would say that it's not all that way. The bad and good are both parts of life we just have to learn to deal with..."

"G-man, I didn't need a lecture!" He grins playfully. "Besides, I'm well aware that there are good things in life, such as chocolate, friends, and cheesy science fiction."

"I'm glad we rate somewhere on your list," Giles states dryly. Just then, the phone rings. "Do you need...?"

"Nah, nah, go on. I was someone on the other end once. It might be important." He mock salutes the Head Watcher as he leaves, making a mental note that they're still lying about something and he should probably add the possibility of 'curse' to the list of things Wesley's looking into.