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madimpossibledreamerIt's one of the reasons I'm not fond of Moffat. He's rather fond of fanbaiting, at least, in what I've seen. I haven't seen the new Doctor because the ending for the old one was just so stupid.
He likes to give the feeling in interviews of 'my audience is stupid and will go along with whatever I say. So I'll just feed them whatever stupid crap I feel like, and they'll eat it up like the idiots they are'. *ahem* no moffat rants allowed today, bad Dreamer.
I don't mind you disagreeing with your fans. That's inevitable. People don't hold the same opinions. But please, don't tell them (us) that our opinions are stupid or invalid or anything else, because that's just rude. Particularly when we're reading the textual evidence and have stuff to back up our claims. Well, rude and insecure, since forcing your opinion on others is a necessary part of your life because if people don't see the world the same as you do, you find that threatening? I guess? IDK, as long as you can point out where you're getting your opinion from, I'm fine with you holding your opinion. It's actually a lot of fun, living in a world where everyone sees the world differently, since that can offer a lot of richness when understanding fiction or whatever. One of the reasons I watch a lot of Let's Plays of the same game, just to see people play and see the world so very differently.
Also this serves as good fic fuel, because when I see something that bothers me in something I otherwise like a lot, I will do my best to fix it.
Main Points: Persona 4 Playthrough Mild AU (actually, by this point, PQ LP watchthrough, since I don't own)
Chapter Summary: Yosuke's not handling this 'destined partners' thing well...
Word Count: 2384
Rating: T
Note: Mild spoilers. Like, extremely mild. Second person again. Since Persona Q, probably AU to my AU because I'm not sure how they're going to handwave the time paradox thing. Also, hurt/comfort in the most basic sense. Fluff but there's angst on the way.
“I—I’m your destined…”
“Are you all right, Yosuke?”
You made it out fine. It’s not the first time you’ve fallen from a great height into some weird Shadow area. But the tone Yosuke has is worrying, and you look over in concern.
He’s crying. Yosuke isn’t a pretty crier, and he’s not exactly quiet about it either. His cheeks are soaked, and his eyes are getting a bit red. He’s all but burying his head in his knees as he pulls his legs to his chest, hands lying with all the grace of dead fish by his sides.
You walk over and crouch next to the familiar figure. “You didn’t hurt yourself?” It’s a legitimate concern, considering how many times he lands on his wallet when you enter the TV. Maybe you should ask Teddie if he can craft anything else—like some sort of cushion—with those mystical skills of his.
“Shut up.” Normally, it’d be said straight, without inflection. As a joke. Right now, though, it has a bite. That’s actual anger. You know what it looks like, after all. You saw what Yosuke looks like when he’s being petty, even though no one else did. Not the concentrated, Shadow side, anyway.
“This seems to be a path where lovers who met their destined partners discuss their love for each other,” the Narrator states helpfully.
But it’s no help at all. Not that you expected any different. It’s probably a Shadow. It’s trying to kill you, not find your true love. It’s nice to have someone else confirm it, that based on what’s essentially a personality quiz you’re compatible, but you’re not at the point where you’re lying to yourself anymore, either. It’s just telling you what you want to hear. Unless it somehow has a Rise-like power to read your mind or heart, it doesn’t know the truth any better than you do.
You’d like it to be true, more than anything. Yosuke means a lot to you, and the thought that he might like you back…
But that’s exactly what makes you more gullible, a sheep more easily led astray. Just because you want to believe it, you’d swallow the biggest lie.
“Yosuke…” You search your brain, but it’s surprisingly devoid of those words, those precious words that can fix anything. The words that aid you in your social links. Similarly, you raise a hand and then let it fall, helplessly. You don’t know what to do.
“What could be waiting up ahead?” the Narrator continues.
“Shut up!” you yell at it, and shockingly for once the Narrator does as you ask. Probably because Yosuke’s reaction, let alone your own, isn’t remotely expected.
“This…this is easy for you,” Yosuke growls. “You could have had your pick of any of the girls, but nooo, you have to pick on poor ol’ me. Tell me, did the thought that I wasn’t like you ever cross your mind?”
You’re taken aback, enough that you fall over away from him. He’d accepted you, accepted your feelings. And agreeing to date you, that was a little reluctant, but the fact that he’d even been willing…that had meant so much. Yeah, you hadn’t let yourself believe in forever, thinking that he’d say sometime soon, ‘You know what, Partner, it isn’t working out. But, hey, I’ll help you find somebody, okay? I don’t want to see you moping around just because of me, after all!’ and wink at you, and your heart would break but your lips would smile and you’d continue to be friends. Nothing like this. He’s purposefully being cruel, and this…this just isn’t like him. His Shadow, yes, but he’d made the resolution to change, so why’s this suddenly popping up now?
It takes a moment, but you realize your eyes are moist and there’s a lump in your throat that isn’t just an Adam’s apple. You try to speak, but it takes you several tries, and you can feel your cheeks warm. You can feel a gaze on you—Yosuke’s, you think. This is exactly why you hate getting upset in public, why you try to bottle up your feelings. It’s shameful. “Of course it crossed my mind,” you eventually manage, hoarse. “When we’re being honest with each other, I thought…I thought I had no chance. I can’t match up to Saki-senpai or Risette. And with the way you treated Kanji…You at least…wanted to be friends. Close friends. It was enough. It was better than having you treat me like this. Like I’m no better than the murderer.” You’re too scared to look up.
“My Shadow had to break everything.” Bitter, angry. The floodgates are open. Your emotions are running rampant. “Being out of control? Being alone? I don’t know which is worse. This is worse than anything, though. I’d rather you’d turned me down than this, you hating me for being forced into a situation you don’t like. This situation, where we’re ‘dating’ but have never gone on a date, never kissed, unless you count my Shadow, never held hands, never…never been in love…” You gasp a breath. It’s like drowning, like being choked by a Shadow. “…where you act like nothing’s changed, talk about Rise and girl crushes and generally act like a pervert to the girls…I can’t remain in this limbo. I can’t.”
If a Shadow comes along now, you’re both probably dead, you think, detached. You can’t bring yourself to care very much. Your emotions are too busy elsewhere.
“Why didn’t you consider dating someone else?” Yosuke asks. There’s some inflection to his words, but you’re hearing the world as if through a fog and can’t make it out. “Everybody in Inaba is in love with you.”
“They’re not you,” you whisper, so quietly that you’re not sure he hears you.
The next thing you hear is so incongruous that you’re fairly sure you’re hearing things. There’s no way Yosuke is laughing.
“We’re some pair, aren’t we, Partner?” He has to repeat himself before you realize that maybe you’re not hearing things after all. The tone is amused, light, rueful.
You finally make your way through the fog in your mind and glance over. Yosuke has leaned back against the stylized heart arch behind him. He looks exhausted, face messy with tears. His eyes are red, his face is flushed, and in general he’s not looking at his best.
He looks clearer, for lack of a better word. Like he had after his Shadow. Exhausted, but like himself again. Whatever that means. It’s hard to put into words.
He’s gorgeous. Like he is in battle. Like when he laughs. Like when he winks. Like when his Shadow says he’s the most selfish person ever, and yet he’ll give up his lunch and run all over the place just to help an aging housewife surprise her husband for his birthday. Like when he helps Nanako shop in Junes. Like when he’s being dumb and funny with impressions and making stupid jokes about the latest chapter of a manga and all you want to do is kiss him.
“I think my Shadow was egging me on, trying to get a reaction out of you. I want to see you vulnerable, because it seems like even I haven’t gotten into your shell yet. I want to see an equal, not a perfect guy who doesn’t even need me. I guess this is what I wanted at the riverbank, only you didn’t punch all those stupid feelings out of me.” He shakes his head, a little frustrated with himself, at the things he can’t say, but then looks at you. Right at you.
He hasn’t done that in ages, you realize now. Hasn’t looked at you and seen who you are. …You could start crying again.
He maneuvers himself to his feet, light and graceful like he is in battle, and comes over to…sit down again next to you?
And his hand slips into yours, and you can’t help starting like a wild animal. He laughs as your cheeks dust with red, and you pout.
Apparently, that doesn’t do good things for his composure. He starts blushing, too. “So, this is where destined partners discuss their love for each other, huh?”
You start giggling hysterically. You don’t mean to, but the sudden release of tension means that the only other logical response is to start crying again, and you don’t want to do that in front of Yosuke.
“Geez, you’re not Yukiko! Please tell me it’s not contagious.” His tone is whiny, but when you get a glimpse at his face he looks mischievous and amused.
“I always thought…” He sounds distant, but it’s personal. “…my parents weren’t around much. I had to watch a lot of television, and I figured out that if you were different, you didn’t get the happy endings. Everyone thought you were a weirdo. I did my best to fit in, and I guess it kind of worked in the big city, where Junes was a ticket to a pretty good paycheck. And everyone there understood the concept of ‘you do the work or you get fired’, because they’d just hire someone else. Everyone liked hanging around with me because then I could put in a good word with the manager, or help them out during work. I told you, though, didn’t I? All those ‘friends’ I hung out with in the city, and not a single one of them bothered to keep in touch when I couldn’t pay for the arcade or help them get a decent job. If you’re like…like Kanji. What I mean to say is, it doesn’t end well. I saw stuff like that, not all the time, but. Bullying. And I…I didn’t really step in.”
His hand tenses slightly. He figures you’re going to be mad or righteous or something, but he’s saying it anyway, and it’s not that he’s saying things before his brain catches up, either. He’s being brave. “It would’ve just drawn attention, and I wanted to fit in. I think…I think after all this, I’d stop them, no matter what happens. But I’ve got people supporting me, people who actually like me. Even though I’ve been a total ass. That’s the real test. It makes a difference, having people who care. I’ve been spending too much time worrying about what people will think, about what I ‘should’ think, to actually ask myself what I really think. If that makes sense.”
He raises your joined hands, studies them with what looks like no expression, but his hands are trembling. It doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything else.
“I care about what you think,” you say. Perhaps too quick, perhaps too earnest, but it earns a smile at least.
“Yeah, you do, huh?” Wondering, matter of fact, affectionate. “I’m not completely sure. I’ve dreamed about you.”
By the way he blushes, he hadn’t meant to say that. So his brain is getting behind his mouth again. Given the topic, this is likely to be interesting. “I got jealous of others taking up your time. This isn’t normal friendship. But then, like I said, I’m not sure I ever had normal friends. I’ve never gotten attached to anyone this quickly. When I think about maybe losing you, like I lost Saki, I get just as upset. You’re…important to me. I said that, didn’t I? And it’s all messy, because we just faced our Shadows this year and haven’t figured out how to deal with that yet, and there’s that stuff teachers go on about like hormones, and I don’t really have much to compare it to.”
This isn’t the first love confession you’ve had. Maybe it’s not even quite a love confession. It still has you smiling from ear to ear. Maybe there’s hope, after all. Maybe…more than that. “I couldn’t have made it this far alone. I seem strong to you, but…that’s only because I have friends,” you answer confession with confession and hope it’s enough, when all your words have deserted you.
You lean toward him a little before you realize it’s probably not a good idea. You try to return to your original position, except you find you can’t. There’s a hand planted behind you, preventing you from retreating any further. Yosuke shifts your grips, so your hand is clasped by the fingers only, palm on top of his lying on the ground. He leans toward you, eyes open and knowing and affectionate and just the slightest bit curious.
You debate with yourself for all of two seconds before you join him in leaning forward.
It takes a few moments to coordinate which way to lean your heads, before your lips meet. You can’t be too passionate. You don’t want to scare him away. You do raise a hand to pull his head a little closer, navigating by feel rather than by sight, since you can’t see much of anything, anyway. You play a little with his neck and the headphones, and surprisingly enough the headphones is what it takes to get him to blush, if the sudden slight difference in heat in his cheeks is any indication. You break away, grinning wider than usual.
It’s messy and you’re sure you messed up. It’s perfect.
Yosuke is blushing. But he also looks pleased, which is a very good sign.
He sighs and shakes his head before removing his hands, and suddenly your hand feels empty and a good deal colder. He makes it to his feet, before holding out his hand to help you up. “Hey, once we make it out of this place, why don’t we go on that date?”
You grin and nod, checking your side to find your katana as he readies his kunai.
“You are free to step forth hand-in-hand, curiosity and fear in your hearts, or you can refrain,” the Narrator joins the two of you once again.
You comply, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than before. You’re both holding hands, one weapon in the other hand. It’s a good thing that Yosuke revealed he’s actually left-handed, because that means you’ll be better able to defend each other if necessary. You meant what you said. With friends or, yes, Narrator, even lovers, anything is possible.
>Speak up.
>Kiss him.
>Don’t speak.
