madimpossibledreamer

Um. That’s a place to go. Ow. I mean, you missed me, so thanks. Least Farah’s not screaming at me for (putting my sword away). Ow. I got hit.

All right, you petty fools. Start killing each other for my amusement. {roommate}

Okay, admittedly that was a terrible idea, but I thought I could maybe get away with it.

Ow. He’s right underneath me. Hi. I’m hoping that there are other enemies I can get Sands from, but if not. Whatever. Hmm. {roommate} I’d prefer to have full Sands, but—oh.

What…wait, how did I teleport there? I’m confused. The true power of the Sands of Time! {roommate}

I mean, there is the fact that I teleport every time I save, but. I teleport eight feet away.

We only have two percent. Wow.

Bravely I had fought and slain my enemies. Honor and glory were mine. But though I fight until the desert sands were red with blood, I could not bring back the dead. [Prince] I mean, the Sands don’t actually bleed, but.

No. No. [Prince] There’s a nice fight scene coming up. (This is a reference to an inside joke about the Matrix revolution, in which during a very emotional scene my roommate said those exact words and I cracked up.) Look, bro, she stole your dagger. {roommate}

Give me the dagger. [Vizier] That’s the villain. And I will give you power. Eternal life will be yours. [Vizier] (as a sand zombie?) I don’t care about that. Live forever? With those I love dead and I to blame? [Prince] I’ve already lived forever. {roommate} Yeah. I’ve had two nincompoops complaining about me the whole time! {roommate} I choose death. [Prince]

And, you know, I die as often…wow. That was—that was faster than I could do—that was faster than I could do it. I mean, I died five million times, so. (LOUD MUSIC. I like the remix of the quieter version in two seconds though.) Nooooo. [Vizier]

How did I get this? I didn’t have this last time.

They also show this cutscene at the beginning of every game, if you don’t skip through it, and that could be—that could be some sort of circular time thing, but also why. Right. {roommate} It seems a little weird, tbh.

You’re very alive. You’re about to be very dead. {roommate} Do not be afraid. [Prince] (CONFLICTING MESSAGES MUCH?) This belongs to you. [Prince] The Dagger of Time. But it is locked away within my father’s treasure vault. How…? [Farah]

Most people think time like a river that flows swift and sure in one direction. But I have seen the face of Time, and I can tell you they are wrong. Time is an ocean in a storm. You may wonder who I am and why I say this. Sit down, and I will tell you a tale like none you have ever heard. Know that I am the son of… [Prince] This is completely normal. I am breaking in and telling you a story.

And that is why I have come, to warn you and your father to arrest the treacherous Vizier before he betrays you and brings ruin on us all. His signal is a flaming arrow shot into the air. Prevent him, and my father’s army will know the traitor has been unmasked. They will turn back. [Prince]

(can’t make this out) …I have a simpler version. A Persian soldier lusting for glory entered the chambers of the Maharaja’s daughter and was slain by me. [Vizier] Oh, I have to fight. Okay.

(Miss? Did he really call her miss??? My mind, it is boggled. Or did ‘highness’ get cut off?) For your own safety, I suggest you flee. [Vizier] This is normal. Wooah. I will handle this intruder. [Vizier]

I don’t know if I should…uh, hi. Ow. What sorcery is this? Stop this at once. [Farah] I have the feeling I might need to use the dagger on him, but also how.

My lady, he came here to abduct you. Surely you do not believe him. [Vizier] He will betray you. All will happen as I have foretold. [Prince]

Oh hey, I have my full outfit again. Is there water? How inventive. But do not forget, he is a Persian soldier. [Vizier] What I told you is no story. It happened. I mean, it will happen. [Prince]

Hi, can I use the dagger on you…no. Also, there is no water in this room. I like the Prince…I mean, it looks cool. Ow.

You might have to figure out this mythical block button. {roommate} (In the videos I watched to get a better idea of what they were saying, I saw at least two making heavy use of the block button, sooooo. Yeah, it might have been useful.) I might. I made it to 98% and still don’t know what the block button is.

Ow. That was supposed to actually work. Fortunately, I think it’ll save at this point, so I won’t have to do everything again. (By save, I mean checkpoint.)

That being said, what is your movement, sir? He’s a magical construct. {roommate}

I’m guessing it’s not a—we’ll probably die lots of times, and then...oh. Your exertions are most amusing. [Vizier]

Let him be brought before my father. He will judge. [Farah] Where in the world even are you, Farah? And I know, I have low—oh, there she is. Did you just appear from nowhere?

Vizier, I have commanded you to stop. Do you disobey? [Farah] I have taken orders long enough from a senile fool and a sniveling brat. Your father was a great warrior in his youth, or so he would have the world believe. Pity his son, does not take after him. Then again, perhaps father and son are alike. They both share a taste for easy plunder. [Vizier] You waste your breath. What little you possess. [Prince]

…Oh, right. I have Dagger. I completely forgot about the fact that I had the dagger because I had not had the dagger for 900 years. Also, there’s a slowdown button somewhere.