Rebuilding

[madimpossibledreamer]

Main Points:
Buffy AU (for now just Yakuza inspired)
Chapter Summary: Xander starts to move on.
Word Count: 350
Rating: Gen
Xander's absolute loyalty to Buffy doesn't have normal-person limits.  The Mad Whelp starts to creep in.

          “Sorry.”  The entire room goes quiet, which wasn’t the intent, but if he was going to speak any words, he just wants them to know.
          “What was that?” Buffy asks quietly.  She hasn’t treated him as an invalid like Willow, but she still can’t meet his eye.
          “I’m sorry.  I made you all worry.”  To his embarrassment, there’s tears welling up in his eye.
          Wordlessly, Buffy comes over and pulls him into a hug.  “I never want you to apologize for what Angelus did,” she tells him, firm but not harsh, and he clings on, feeling shame for getting her nice pretty shirt wet with his tears but helpless to do anything else.
          The realization hits him like Angelus with a sledgehammer.  He doesn’t love her anymore, not romantically anyway.  Without the luxury of his illusions he knows that she’s so far out of his league she might as well be on the moon.  With that, though, he’s even more helplessly in love with her.  If she asked him to stab himself, he’d do it.
          Not that she ever would.  And that’s probably the exact sort of Not Good thought it’s better to keep to himself rather than share with the nice psychologist lady, now that he’s talking again.
          “It’ll be okay,” Willow responds hopefully, and Giles adds, “We worry about you because we care.  That’s no burden.”
          He still feels empty.  Got no clue who he is.  But at least he feels a few emotions.  He feels happy.  There’s also a determination.  He actually cares about what happens.  It’s more than just throwing clothes on what could easily be a shop window dummy.
          He can’t bring himself to rid himself of the extra hair, well, not all of it, anyway.  He’d thought, after everything, he’d want to go back to the way things had been, but honestly, he likes the grounding feeling of the hair against his neck and he’s not the same guy he’d been.  Pretending he is isn’t going to do anything but get anyone hurt.  He’s definitely going to put it up in a ponytail, though.