madimpossibledreamer

Also, don’t make any comments about my weight. I’ve—

…I think this is music or sound from Vampire the Masquerade (Bloodlines), like, the mind control stuff, and that greatly has me on edge. (Which is getting a sequel soonish.)

You have a cool looking tattoo.

Also, say nothing about my weight. I’ve been trying to go on a diet. It hasn’t worked very well. Because Persian food is very, y’know, rich. (Mostly this joke’s been stuck in my head while playing because merely jumping on stools or other furniture has them breaking, which shouldn’t be happening. I’m over the “optimal” weight myself—not a ton over, but you know how people freak out about that anyway. I should probably be joking about his density instead, given that-slash-mass is what would actually break things from merely hopping on them, but also commentating is hard.) It tastes good, but it’s rich.

I don’t, what the—mmmm. I was right to be concerned about that noise. That noise is a bad noise. That noise is a very bad noise. Farah, please, you’re faster than I am, really, could you do something about that? No? Okay, well. Hmm. You’re going to just let me do this all on my own and probably die, aren’t you? I’m beginning to feel this is a very one-sided working relationship, Farah. Just saying. In fact, I’m going to put this off by looking at your bow, and….That’s not a very long skirt you have. Could be better. Also…your arrows are…kind of normal looking? Anyway, I don’t want to deal with this. I really don’t want to deal with this. Do you want to deal with this, Prince? I didn’t think so. But I guess we have to? Look back when you’re ready, Prince. Look back when you’re ready.

Yeah, I realize you can’t do it. I’m honestly kind of worried about doing this myself.

I can’t wallrun from here, can I? I guess I have to drop at some point and run up the stairs. I am very concerned about this. …That wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, okay.

This leads out of this room. Sorry, Farah. I have to leave the room, I guess. See ya.

I’ll just wait here, then, shall I? [Farah] Shut up.

Oh. Ohhh. I activate this and then go to that door. Oh boy. Oh, those spikes are there so I can’t wallrun it, aren’t they? Well. Farah, if I die…if you hear a scream, just assume I’m dead. Actually, it’s these things. They’re not super bad. I say as I get hit.

…Did I lose all my blood? You can still see the blood from me on the spikes. Which is actually kind of—violent, for this. (I mean, cool touch, but a bit gory, yes.) I’m dead. I just used all my sand. Bye Farah.

Where are we? Oh, you’re kidding me. Farah, Farah, you might not believe me, but we’ve done this before. I died horribly. …Yeah, yeah, you’re slow.

Fortunately, I only have to deal with one of these things. This place is designed like the rest of their security systems. It makes no sense. Its only purpose is to murder absolutely anyone who might happen inside, which—actually, y’know, how do you set these things up? Did they just assume that anyone who’s setting it up might be an acceptable sacrifice? (Also, note to dead Sharhaman or however his name is spelled: why the blank are you friends with the leader of this kingdom of lunatics—wait, no, I’ve seen Two Thrones, your palace is also ridiculously designed, never mind.) How— (The puzzles of engineering. This isn’t like the Egyptian pyramids, which by the way would be AWESOME to parkour in. This isn’t being set up and then sealed up. This is like trying to punch in to work everyday in the lab under the Spencer Mansion. What’s the day to day life like? How do you get to the important places you need to go?)

I’ll just wait here, then, shall I? [Farah] Stop snarking at me.

It still has my blood from previous attempts. That’s even creepier. (I mean, it’s possible it’s just always there and I’m just oblivious, but. It’d be kind of cool and terrifying if it wasn’t.) I’m going to fail this attempt.

Usually when I reach the end here it counts. I just dodgeroll under the door. …That actually worked this time. …hang on, I’m back here? Why am I back here? Farah, I’m back here.

Are you all right? [Farah] No. I heard strange noises. [Farah] No permanent damage, thank you. [Prince] Except for all the holes in me. And the blood. And the tears. And the pain.

There’s a lever in that corner. Do you think you could reach it? [Farah] Which corner? Farah, what are you talking about? ….Ohhhh, that corner. You just don’t want to get some holes in you, do you? That’s all. It doesn’t matter if I’m full of holes by the end of this.

…How do I time this? (Prince falls to his death, I start laughing) Note to self, don’t jump. Just trust the wall run. Also, I have no health. Farah, this is probably a failed run. Quite probably we’re all going to die here.

I’ve got it. [Farah] That’s great, because I have no health. When I said ‘no permanent damage’, I meant ‘I’m bleeding out’.

I didn’t even hear what you said, but I have no health. (I didn’t either.) Just wanted to point that out to you. For goodness’ sake, Prince. I also have no sand left. …What did you mean, over there? I can’t go over—We’re doomed. We are completely and utterly doomed.