madimpossibledreamer

Farah! I’m going to distract you while you’re fighting, because that’s a great idea. (jumps) I would’ve died to that. (It’s not as bad as Dante syndrome.) That’s a problem. (Yeah. Huge boss battle you have genuine issues with. It takes 35 minutes including several failed tries to get through this.) Am I really supposed to fight him? (It is a boss battle.) Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] I can’t hear the advice you’re giving me (I was concentrating and sword clashes were loud), but. (I would’ve been annoyed at her anyway if I’d heard her.)

Please don’t kill me, Father, that’s rude. (He’s a sand monster right now. He doesn’t care.) I’m just going to dodge around a bit. …They actually have counter dodges? How do you do that? (Giant polearms with long reach?) Can I not drink water while I’m fighting?

Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Because I accidentally hit the wrong button, Farah. These things happen. You’d know if you had a controller.

I have a feeling that this may kill me. For the first time, combat may kill me. Then again, it’s against my father. It’s supposed to be hard.

Wait, you’re teleporting? That’s not fair. (neither is turning back time.) Is that Farah’s strength? (health, I mean.) Farah. Farah, shoot them? Please?

(second take) Seriously, distracting someone while they’re fighting is a terrible idea. Why would you do that?

Do we have the same color eyes? I’m curious. (of Sharaman)

Why am I taking on, right now especially? …I am in fact attacking this pillar, this dangerous pillar. (Hey, it could be a disguised Pillar Man. You never know. Also, did we swear? I can’t tell.)

Seriously, teleportation is rude. Why would you do that, Father? Why?

Also, is that the magic water over there? I can’t tell.

It’s really hard because he has a lot of health. Or he does a lot of damage. (Also, our usual dodge tactics aren’t working.)

This part’s hard. Oh no! [Farah] Thank you for attacking, after. (It’s good to know you would avenge our deaths.)

(third take) I’d almost think about stopping here but I don’t want to go through the courtyard again. I’ll try sticking near Farah. I’ll try staying away from Father. Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Because I hit the wrong button. I’m going to die again. Oh no! [Farah] I’m going to die again. Like even this is not going to help. (turning back time) Because I’m stuck in a loop.

(fourth take) I feel like I am required to use other powers of the Sands of Time that I have never used before. …No, no, that’s not what I meant to hit. Help me! [Farah] Farah, you are getting super hurt. Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Because I can’t fight my father. Obviously.

I feel like once I get into this position on the ground, I can’t get up. Help, I have fallen, and I cannot get up. (Well, maybe things would go better if you used the x button. If that’s even the right button on the dualshock, I don’t know. It is, okay.)

Father. Father, shtap.

Oh no! [Farah] I was doing slightly better. (I lasted longer, anyway)

(fifth take) I think a lot of this might depend on me remembering which of my buttons is my sword and which is my Dagger of Time. (I’d gotten this far without that.)

…Not a good start. Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Because I don’t know what I’m doing. Clearly.

I like how I just fell on my face, like ‘I am so done with this. I am so done with this.’ I feel like I’m going to fail this again.

Help me! [Farah] Farah, you’re in better condition than I am. Stop complaining. Like, seriously, I am about to die—I just died. Told you. You didn’t believe me, did you?

(sixth take) Controls. …I misspelled that, it’s fine. Okay, so triangle is my dagger. Man, boss battles against people that you love, am I right?

Behind you! [Farah] Thanks, Farah. Ow! There’s friendly fire? Farah, why? I am in fact doing slightly better, but seriously, Farah, why? How many of these guys do I have to beat up?

Help me! [Farah] You still have more health than I do, Princess. Just pointing that out there.

(silent for a while because concentrating)

I have a very low amount of health.

(seventh take) I am getting slightly better at this boss fight. This is a very long boss fight, especially if you don’t quite know what you’re doing. Okay, so, dagger is triangle. And my best bet is to dagger quickly, and then—actually, you know what? I’m gonna— (I don’t know what I’m going to do.)

Okay, so these guys don’t like me vaulting over them. Behind you! [Farah] Thanks.

Help me! [Farah] As usual, Princess, you have more health points than I do. Which means I’m going to try something weird. Can I water in combat? I cannot water in combat. Good to know. (you in fact can, but your sword has to be put away. Farah.)

Help me! [Farah] Princess, you have way more hit points than I do. In fact, your health is so good I might just keep away from the fighting for a bit? Okay, this is going to be another failed attempt, but we are getting better. How many of these things do we have to fight?

“Drink water from the tube”? What tube? What are you talking about? “You can’t vault over the blue guards or the Sand King”—I noticed. Um. But I can’t choose to roll instead. (Your sword has to be away. Otherwise, you gravitate toward the enemies.)

(eighth take) Okay, I’m going to spend this attempt looking for water. Wait, is that water behind you? Father, right now, I care more about—I think that’s just— (I’m probably still looking for water fountains.)

Oh, I can. I can actually heal during combat. That is amazing and I love that.

The fact that I can heal during this fight is—Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] I put my sword away because it’s the best way to heal during combat.

Help me! [Farah] You got it.

This fight is so much easier when I figured out I can heal. There is no substitute. C’mon. C’mon, get up. …Polite of you to wait until I take a drink.

Oh no! [Farah] It’s fine. It’s the first time I’ve had to use it this fight, so y’know.

That’s probably enough healing. Or not.

Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Farah. It’s important. Behind you! [Farah] Thanks. Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Because I need water. (rewind) Trying to drink there was a dumb idea. Fortunately, we get a lot of stuff done this way.

(Farah dies) Sorry, Farah, didn’t notice you getting so hurt. (Then again, she hadn’t yelled ‘help me’ in a while.)

Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Didn’t mean to. Hit the wrong button again. (I think I’m getting SWL muscle memory mixed up, where all of those buttons are legit attack buttons.)

Why did you put your sword away? [Farah] Good point. (rewinds)

Is it just you now, Father? Ow. Farah. Farah, please, get out of the way. …What am I supposed to do about him? Uh, I think I’m doing something. I can’t be 100% sure, but at least he’s not hitting me and I’m getting some hits in, so I feel like this is a good thing? Why are you still just standing there, Farah? You’d probably be shooting me from where you are, but. (It’s easy enough for you to relocate especially when he’s occupied.)

(I’ve got him pinned to the wall in a ‘being hit’ animation loop.) I feel like I’ve got him in a loop and I’m gonna just go for it. This might be cheesing, but I’ve been on this boss fight for who knows how long (33 minutes or so). Is this bugged out? Oh, okay. Ohhhh. In the name of my sanity. I’m sorry.

What are you doing? Stop! Having visions and SAVING BECAUSE I NEED TO. Sorry, I was trying not to talk during the cutscene and pay attention (you’ve failed at that pretty spectacularly so far), but also. (I have a mini-breakdown at this point.)

I just know. How do you mean ‘I just know’? How does that work?

Good night, sweet Prince. It is now 1:16, and I am done. I am so done. You want me to leave before I am done? Yes, because there is no way we are finishing this story, and also I am so done. I am just. I am so done. I am ready to cry and go curl up in a ball. (Like the Prince after one of his visions!) I mean, the courtyard was bad. The courtyard was pretty bad. But, okay.

Let me at least talk through the strategy I ended up using in the end, because if I ever—I have a feeling I will end up playing through this game again and if-slash-when I do, I’m going to want to know what I did so it doesn’t end up being this painful next time. What I ended up doing was I—basically I ran from the end where you start to the other end where the water is, which you can only drink if you sheathe your weapon. So I alternated between sheathing my weapon and dodge-rolling until nothing was close to me so that I could drink the water and beating up enemies so that I could get sand in case they trapped me when I was trying to drink the water. So. I don’t know how long I was sitting there dodge-rolling (15 minutes on that last attempt) and I will shortly know when I listen to this recording, but. That was painful. And that’s not even including all the failed tries, which I’m going to be able to tell how many failed tries there were, because there were a lot. So. Anyway. Ah. It is time for me to go and relax. I was enjoying this game, and don’t get me wrong, I’m still enjoying it and think it’s a great game, but that boss battle was not in any way, shape, or form relaxing. So. Okay. I will be back eventually, but that is not this day. Goodnight all. Goodnight, sweet Prince.

(It wouldn’t have been as bad as it was if I had looked it up beforehand, but. I’m weird. I like to make progress [the Achiever side of me] so if I’m just stuck-stuck I do eventually look things up, but also I like discovering things [the Explorer side of me] so I want to at least attempt a couple different strategies on my own. That being said, I remember being upset, but not wanting to cry. I actually like the idea of the strategy of dodgeroll heal fight enemies, but rather than enjoying it in the moment I think I couldn’t at that point because I was just so traumatized by the other seven attempts. My after the fact take on it.)