High Magician S.L. 1

[madimpossibledreamer]

Yeah, I know, it's a terrible title.
I'm thinking about calling the series as a whole Unbreakable Ties.  I might end up changing that though.
This is going with the Persona 4 playthrough.  I'm ridiculously behind on writing up my notes on how my Souji's doing.  It ends up going AU while they rescue Rise.  My current, rough rundown of events goes like this: Souji gets jealous of the way Yosuke's treating Rise, and his Shadow gets out.  Yosuke's shocked, but the only way to calm Souji's Shadow down is by telling him that it's okay, that he's not mad or anything else.  He defeats the Shadow, after it's worn down, by kissing it.
The two end up dating, but somehow Rise misses the memo.  This is partly inspired by some of the actions Rise's taken since then, and partly by some of the actions Yosuke has taken since then.  Yosuke's being an idiot, Rise's being scary.  It'd be almost cute if my Souji had any interest in her at all.  As it is, she keeps forcing herself on him, which is uncomfortably like some of the drama that's been happening, so yeah.  She's being a touch scary.
Which is why the fluff is a necessity.
Also, randomly, second person.  It just kind of happened.

Main Points: Persona 4 Playthrough Mild AU
Chapter Summary: Yosuke realizes he's been handling this badly.
Word Count: 1850
Rating: K
Note:  ...Relatively spoiler-free, actually.  Aside from who's in the team and stuff.

When the door opens and someone walks in, you automatically assume it’s Nanako.  Until the bed dips.

“I’ve been an awful boyfriend,” Yosuke states solemnly.

You try to turn to look, but he holds you down gently with one hand, a suggestion rather than a command, the other hand moving to massage your neck.

Instantly your body sags like a boneless, pleased cat, and your awareness of the world around you drops too, narrowing to a talented, callused, strong hand you know against your neck.  You know that hand intimately from when it’s been intertwined with your own.  You might think about Yosuke’s hands more than you’d like to admit, honestly, but even that thought begins to fracture in a pleasant way.

“This isn’t going to be easy, but that’s no reason for me to be an idiot about it.”  The words actually catch your fading attention, and you try to turn to look again, but his voice interrupts you.  “No, don’t move.  Seriously, you deserve this.”

You turn to look anyway.

“You suck at taking directions.”  His eyes are apologetic, but there’s laughter in his voice, so it’s doing some good.  He’s left like that for a few moments, but then the guilt that he so often takes on himself appears in his eyes, and you pull him down to snuggle with you, because both of you need this.

“W-woah, hey—”  He’s protesting, but doesn’t mean a word of it, already tugging and arranging you so that the both of you are in a much more comfortable position.  There’s a catch in his voice, but he’s powering through it, which means he’s found a new pool of strength from somewhere.  Yosuke is nothing if not good at surprising you.  “I—look, I was thinking…”  You interrupt him, and he laughs and rolls his eyes.  “Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s totally unprecedented.  Whatever.  What I’m trying to say is, partner…I dunno, I think it was harder for all of us to face your Shadow.  You’re so good at accepting all of us, and when it came time for us to do the same for you, we screwed up.  Hard.”

You don’t particularly want to talk about this, try to distract him with a kiss, but he looks unusually determined and shoves you away.  Gently, but there’s no way you’re not getting the message.  He’s not going to be turned away from his true purpose too easily.  “You’re our leader.  The thought of you vulnerable, just like every one of us, was terrifying.  Is terrifying.”  He swallows, squeezes your hand, and continues.  “You seem completely in control.  Untouchable.  But you’re not.  Which, I mean…I guess it’s good.  I was jealous of you, in l-love with you I guess, but.  You’re better at holding it together, but you’re not always in control or always perfect.  And I wouldn’t be here if you were perfect, if you didn’t need…you need people too.”  He’s rambling a bit now, but he continues to plow on like a freight train.  He’ll get to the point eventually, and he’d ignore you even if you said something, tried to stop this.  “What I mean is that if you were really as perfect as you seem, you wouldn’t want me.”  You rush to disabuse him of that notion and he smiles, watery but genuine.  “Yeah, yeah, I know.  Took a lot to get that through to my head, get through all the crap, but I know.  You do.  Which is great.  Surreal at times, and sometimes I’m just like ‘what am I even doing dating a guy’ and then I think about the fact that ‘it’s Souji, moron’ and then…” 

He’s blushing now, and you’re half in a mind to tease him and half in a mind to reassure him.  You don’t even have to say anything for him to almost read your mind, though, and that’s one of the big reasons why you love him, why you need him by your side in the TV.  “You are a brat sometimes.”  It’s nothing but fond, though, and he runs his hands through your hair affectionately.  “You have needs.  You never talk about them, never mention the fact that maybe, maybe you’re more overwhelmed than I am, than any of us are, and you just need to scream ‘cause it’s all too much.  And I haven’t done well at showing you that if you need anything.  Anything, Souji.  All you have to do is ask.”  He’s hurting again, but he sees the concerned look on your face and grins and shakes his head, slipping his hand into yours with a reassuring squeeze.  “You’re not good at talking about that.  I get that.  But I was too wrapped up in being selfish and, uh…ogling Risette,”  He’s really blushing now, and for a second your heart tightens with jealousy, but he hugs you closer, “…to notice that your heart was bleeding all over the floor and you weren’t going to say a word.  I’m not dating Risette, I’m dating you.”  The fierce, protective affection is back in his eyes, and it takes your breath away. 

“Maybe…” he takes a deep breath, forces out the words that you know to be poison the minute they leave his lips, “…maybe my Shadow was right.  I loved Saki.  Probably will for…I dunno.  But I was maybe a little too pushy.  And maybe I was just using her as an excuse, because the TV World was so exciting.”

He stops at the stricken look in your eyes, leans in to kiss you gently.  You’re not sure how long he’s been the confident one, but the tingling in your lips isn’t complaining one bit.  “H-hey, that’s not all of me, like you said.  But I…I started hiding from the world, really, again.  This whole thing with dating you, it’s scaring me.  Because of what people will think, because of what I think, because I don’t know myself.  Being interested in girls is easy.  Liking you…well, if everyone else in Inaba is any indication, is also really easy…”  This earns a startled laugh from you, and the grin and relaxing shoulders in turn make the tension flow out a little.  “And being interested in Risette is really easy.  I mean, she’s a pop idol.  A lot of people would kill to spend two minutes just talking with her.” 

Bringing up Rise’s name is all it takes to get you tense again, and he sighs.  “Look, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy.  It’s going to be really hard, mostly because I’m an idiot.  But it’s time that I stopped just, you know.”  He sighed and looked into the distance, the melancholy reminding you of the time you’d gone up to the overlook together and looked out over Inaba.  “I don’t want to be the pervert.”  The sudden vehemenence in the voice startles you, and he notices but doesn’t take the time to reassure you like he had.  “I don’t want to be the useless kid.  I don’t want to be a burden.  I don’t want to be the selfish asshole.”  It takes about a minute of unsteady breathing for him to get back under control, and then he wipes his tears away.  “I wanna be your partner.  In every sense of the term.  I…you’ve been kind of treating me like your lieutenant, and I kind of like that idea.”  He’s blushing again, but the fierce loyalty is back.  “I wanna be the kind of guy you can count on.  I mean, I like girls.  I don’t think I’ll ever stop liking girls.  But you’re not just some girl.  You’re my partner.  You’re more important.”  He hugs you tightly, this time only a little hesitant.  He’s getting better at this.  He’s still really uncomfortable, but he’s clumsily powering through.

“I apologized to Kanji.”  This takes your breath away.  “It wasn’t easy.  I’m not good at apologies.  And he kind of offered me a way out, but I’d promised myself I was going to say it.  A couple years ago,” his voice trembles, but he forces himself on, “A couple years ago I would’ve taken it, would’ve let myself chicken out.  But if nothing else…I don’t think my Shadow would’ve let me live that down.” 

His hands are strong, steadying, which is good, because you’re beginning to wonder whether this isn’t some fantastic kind of dream.  “I don’t want you to have to ask if you need something.  I mean, I’m not a mind reader or anything,” and that earns yet another laugh, which has him grinning, pleased, “…and I need you to know that if there’s anything you need, want even, you can ask, but I want to be the kind of boyfriend who does things just to make your day better without you even needing to say a word.  I don’t want this to hurt the team.  Besides, if I kept this up, I’m pretty sure Chie would kick me until I, um.”  He doesn’t finish the sentence, but he doesn’t have to.  It’s a legitimate fear, considering how she reacts to everything else.  Maybe you should mention to Chie that you like everything right where it is.  “I’m also kind of scared of what Yukiko might do,” he continues.  “Especially after how she reacted with the school festival stuff.  If it was something bigger…And I’m also not just scared for me.”  That earns a surprised, questioning look from you.  That’s surprisingly mature from Yosuke, but then, this whole thing is him being surprisingly mature and responsible.  “I’m kind of worried that if I kept going the way I had been, they might’ve hurt Rise.  I mean, she kind of…but it’s not her fault that I was being a jerk.  Her fault that she was being a jerk, yeah, but.  Argh, I don’t know how to say it.”  That’s also not surprising, but you think you know what he’s trying to say, and it doesn’t smart like it did.  Not when he’s here, not when he’s showing you that he really did make a choice when it counted and chose you.

“If I have to talk to Rise, let her know that she’s way out of line, I will.  She’s scaring you, hurting you, and that’s not okay, but she’s part of the team.  Now.  If this can’t work out…”  He shrugs.  This definitely isn’t easy, no matter how simple he’s making it seem, but this responsibility and determination aren’t going anywhere.  “…She’s out.  I mean, Teddie’s not as good as her when it comes to the support stuff, but he’ll work and we’re a team.  We’ll figure it out.”  You can tell how hard it was for him to say that, and your sudden vice grip around his waist makes him giggle, even as he winces.  “Easy, partner.  I’ve got you.”  If there are tears in your eyes and Yosuke’s, no one’s going to know.  He pulls you closer, and everything you’ve been feeling is draining away.  He’s right; you needed this.  And given how insistent he was, how he’s holding you, he did too.