madimpossibledreamer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
madimpossibledreamer) wrote2024-07-28 03:10 pm
madimpossibledreamer) wrote2024-07-28 03:10 pm
Entry tags:
To Breathe Easy
Main Points:
Persona 2/Persona 4 crossover (Broken Hero)
Chapter Summary: This is the conversation Jun had been hoping for during their last reunion. It doesn't make this one bit easier.
Word Count: 900
Rating: Teen
Pairing: past and future Tatsuya/Jun
Warning: honest discussion about depression/self-loathing, if you need help please seek it!
It’s fortunate Jun is too deep in thought to really pay much attention, or he would have noticed Tatsuya staring by now. He blushes a little and considers just closing his eyes and going back to sleep, or at least pretending to. He doesn’t feel remotely prepared for this conversation, but then, he hadn’t been ready for any of the others, either, and his old friend does deserve answers, particularly with everything he’s been through. With everything Tatsuya’s fertile imagination brought to life had put him through. Instead, he reaches out and takes the lighter from the table beside him, flicking it since words aren’t coming too easily to him right now. It’s fortunate that they let him keep it, though the only reason they actually had was there was no fluid inside, and given the near constant monitoring of his heartbeat they had noticed it had a calming effect.
Jun’s head shoots up instantly, and Tatsuya instantly has to look away because while it’s too dark for him to confirm, that looks like it might be tears in Jun’s eyes, and it feels him with a deep, immense guilt. I’m not worth crying over, Jun, please don’t.
“What am I going to do with you?” Jun asks, all steel and menace, and all Tatsuya can think to do is shrug, because if his oldest friend and crush has no idea, then how is he supposed to know? He has his preferences, of course, and at this point he dares to think of them as possibilities instead of just wishful thinking, but he takes none of it for granted.
“I didn’t bully the nurses into letting me stay to have you shrug at me, Suou Tatsuya. I’m glad you’re all right, or at least, I’d say that if it was anywhere close to being true. But you’re not, are you?” That actually gets him to glance back, and if he’s not misremembering, Jun actually looks more broken and lost than he had after he’d been saved from being Joker, which is confusing.
“And don’t you stare at me like that, either. You know, Tacchi, you know better than anyone how hurt you are. I don’t delude myself that we even saw the entirety of your pain in there, and it was heartbreaking.” Now he is actually wiping at his eyes, and Tatsuya has to take a deep, shaky breath, longing to reach out, to hold Jun in his arms and never let go—but it’s not a given that he’ll even be allowed, and that’s Jun’s right, after everything Tatsuya’s done.
“I’ve carried it so long I don’t even notice the weight anymore,” he tries to explain, awkward and inadequate, and Jun swats half-heartedly at his shoulder.
“If anything, that makes it worse, not better. You really aren’t even trying to make me feel better, are you?” he accuses, and, well.
It’s not funny, not really, but Tatsuya can’t help but smile all the same. “It’s...better, now. Not fixed, and it probably won’t be for a long time, if it even can be, but. Knowing that my precautions were excessive, and now that it’s not just me who knows...helps.” Honestly, he feels so much lighter and happier than he has in a long time, even if it’s very awkward having these conversations with everyone.
Jun moves the chair forward. He manages to make it look elegant, somehow. “You’re not just lying to me to make me feel better, are you, Tatsu-chan?” The hope in his eyes makes Tatsuya want to give everything he has to protect it. It always has.
“I’ve always tried to be as honest with you as I can.” Though Jun should already know this.
He’s close to drifting back to sleep when he’s interrupted by his friend clearing his throat, though it’s no hardship to open his eyes back up to Jun’s curious gaze. “Your temperature’s low. Should we be concerned?”
It takes him a moment, groggy, but he shakes his head. “It’s a price for using Othkkartho. Not too dangerous, because I’m not sure how human I am anymore. It’s why I try not to use him too much. Sometimes I’ll use Apollo to warm me up again.” Though it probably goes unsaid that such is more for preventing other people from panicking than for his own comfort.
Jun sighs, fond and exasperated, but he’s smiling again. Good. “Human or not, you’re still Tatsuya.” He’s gentle but firm, and that reassurance means so much. A few days ago (he’s not sure how many, how long he’s been lying here, how long he’d been in that frozen world), he would have scoffed, like Jun would know, but now all of his deepest secrets are laid bare and if anyone would know, it was his ‘doppelganger’.
It’s easier than ever to drift back to sleep.
Persona 2/Persona 4 crossover (Broken Hero)
Chapter Summary: This is the conversation Jun had been hoping for during their last reunion. It doesn't make this one bit easier.
Word Count: 900
Rating: Teen
Pairing: past and future Tatsuya/Jun
Warning: honest discussion about depression/self-loathing, if you need help please seek it!
When Tatsuya opens his eyes, his gaze is immediately drawn to one particular seat in the waiting chairs. Jun is apparently wearing a vest covered in embroidered flowers that he’s never seen before, and he wonders idly if that had been an item packed while he was too caught off guard to be paying too much attention to which clothes Jun had picked out, or if it had been a recent acquisition here in Inaba. It’s hard to tell, really, though of course he always pulls off any clothes he tries on.
It’s fortunate Jun is too deep in thought to really pay much attention, or he would have noticed Tatsuya staring by now. He blushes a little and considers just closing his eyes and going back to sleep, or at least pretending to. He doesn’t feel remotely prepared for this conversation, but then, he hadn’t been ready for any of the others, either, and his old friend does deserve answers, particularly with everything he’s been through. With everything Tatsuya’s fertile imagination brought to life had put him through. Instead, he reaches out and takes the lighter from the table beside him, flicking it since words aren’t coming too easily to him right now. It’s fortunate that they let him keep it, though the only reason they actually had was there was no fluid inside, and given the near constant monitoring of his heartbeat they had noticed it had a calming effect.
Jun’s head shoots up instantly, and Tatsuya instantly has to look away because while it’s too dark for him to confirm, that looks like it might be tears in Jun’s eyes, and it feels him with a deep, immense guilt. I’m not worth crying over, Jun, please don’t.
“What am I going to do with you?” Jun asks, all steel and menace, and all Tatsuya can think to do is shrug, because if his oldest friend and crush has no idea, then how is he supposed to know? He has his preferences, of course, and at this point he dares to think of them as possibilities instead of just wishful thinking, but he takes none of it for granted.
“I didn’t bully the nurses into letting me stay to have you shrug at me, Suou Tatsuya. I’m glad you’re all right, or at least, I’d say that if it was anywhere close to being true. But you’re not, are you?” That actually gets him to glance back, and if he’s not misremembering, Jun actually looks more broken and lost than he had after he’d been saved from being Joker, which is confusing.
“And don’t you stare at me like that, either. You know, Tacchi, you know better than anyone how hurt you are. I don’t delude myself that we even saw the entirety of your pain in there, and it was heartbreaking.” Now he is actually wiping at his eyes, and Tatsuya has to take a deep, shaky breath, longing to reach out, to hold Jun in his arms and never let go—but it’s not a given that he’ll even be allowed, and that’s Jun’s right, after everything Tatsuya’s done.
“I’ve carried it so long I don’t even notice the weight anymore,” he tries to explain, awkward and inadequate, and Jun swats half-heartedly at his shoulder.
“If anything, that makes it worse, not better. You really aren’t even trying to make me feel better, are you?” he accuses, and, well.
It’s not funny, not really, but Tatsuya can’t help but smile all the same. “It’s...better, now. Not fixed, and it probably won’t be for a long time, if it even can be, but. Knowing that my precautions were excessive, and now that it’s not just me who knows...helps.” Honestly, he feels so much lighter and happier than he has in a long time, even if it’s very awkward having these conversations with everyone.
Jun moves the chair forward. He manages to make it look elegant, somehow. “You’re not just lying to me to make me feel better, are you, Tatsu-chan?” The hope in his eyes makes Tatsuya want to give everything he has to protect it. It always has.
“I’ve always tried to be as honest with you as I can.” Though Jun should already know this.
He’s close to drifting back to sleep when he’s interrupted by his friend clearing his throat, though it’s no hardship to open his eyes back up to Jun’s curious gaze. “Your temperature’s low. Should we be concerned?”
It takes him a moment, groggy, but he shakes his head. “It’s a price for using Othkkartho. Not too dangerous, because I’m not sure how human I am anymore. It’s why I try not to use him too much. Sometimes I’ll use Apollo to warm me up again.” Though it probably goes unsaid that such is more for preventing other people from panicking than for his own comfort.
Jun sighs, fond and exasperated, but he’s smiling again. Good. “Human or not, you’re still Tatsuya.” He’s gentle but firm, and that reassurance means so much. A few days ago (he’s not sure how many, how long he’s been lying here, how long he’d been in that frozen world), he would have scoffed, like Jun would know, but now all of his deepest secrets are laid bare and if anyone would know, it was his ‘doppelganger’.
It’s easier than ever to drift back to sleep.