Making No Compromise

[madimpossibledreamer]

Why do I keep seeing ‘senpais’ as the plural for ‘senpai’; that’s an English suffix for pluralization, not a Japanese one…

this is fun

Main Points:
Persona 2/Persona 4 crossover (Broken Hero)
Chapter Summary: Yosuke apologizes.
Word Count: 1482
Rating: Teen
Warning: Mostly just Yosuke--he's working on not being homophobic anymore but he's just as flaily with that as with everything else.  Swears a bit too.  (as does kanji).  and his anxiety is showing.

 

         Kanji’s in the middle of trying to work out whether Ma would be upset if he was suspended (it’s not like he really needs the schooling, because he might take over the shop later and has absolutely no problems with that) when he feels a touch on his shoulder and figures it’s time to face the music. When he turns and sees it’s his homophobic Senpai, though, he instinctively drops into a fighting stance, and Yosuke-senpai backs up a couple of steps just as instinctively, hands raised in surrender. “The hell d’ya want, Senpai?” he growls. Like the brunet hasn’t done enough damage as it is.
         “It’s my fault you’re out here, so if you get suspended, I deserve it too. Best-case scenario, we both make it back to the tent without anyone noticing—and I think King Moron might be drunk, so we might have a shot, but…you deserve an apology first.” Yosuke-senpai bows, straight-on bows to the waist, leaving Kanji blinking in confusion at the brown messy hair in front of him. “I’d say you got the wrong idea, but that’d only be half true. You were wrong about the situation, not about me.”
         He straightens, but now Kanji’s looking for it, he can see the loathing in his Senpai’s eyes isn’t for Kanji. It’s for himself. “I’m trying to get better, but I’m an ass who puts his foot in his mouth at the best of times.” He starts rhythmically tapping his foot on the ground and his fingers on his arm, which might give them away, but it’s pretty clear he needs that to get through what he wants to say and it seems pretty damn important to him, so Kanji wouldn’t dream of interrupting. “From the way Souji reacted and now you, I’m getting the feeling that it’s not as common or ‘normal’…” he actually puts the parentheses around the world using his hands, gesturing…sarcastically, which Kanji wasn’t aware was possible, “…as I’d thought it was, but…me and my friends back in the city, we’d talk about our crushes all the time. ‘Course, it, uh, it got a little more crude than that, but still. I just went with it because I was like, ‘hey, here’s a good way to get to know somebody’ without thinking how it would come across. I suck at that.”
         He’s attempting to keep his cool, to hide how nervous he is, but his voice is trembling, and honestly, it’s a hell of a lot cooler that he’s scared stiff and actually manning up and talking about it anyway. Sure, he’s not as cool as Souji-senpai, but talking about your feelings and taking responsibility like this takes guts.
         “Good to know, Senpai. Thanks for the apology.” Kanji’s ready to head back to the tent, now that he knows, but a light touch on his arm stops him. Yosuke-senpai lets go pretty quickly once he’s gotten his point across, but if anything the anxiety in his eyes hasn’t gone away.
         “How the hell can you just…forgive me, just like that?” he snarls, louder than he probably intends, and Kanji shrugs.
         “No point in keeping a grudge when you apologize and actually mean it, Senpai. Grudges take work. Next time I won’t get so worked up, but I’ll call you out on your crap if it makes you feel better, ‘cause then you’ll keep improving. It’s not like I don’t get it. I mean…” He swallows. It’s easy to talk a big game when it doesn’t get real. “You saw my Shadow. You’re not the only one makin’ a big deal outta this, when it’s somethin’ that ain’t even other’s business.”
         “I—you’re not alone,” Yosuke-senpai blurts, hand going to fiddle with his headphones before he realizes he’s not wearing them, no longer meeting Kanji’s gaze. “Th-that’s why I had to tell you here, and not at the tent, because Souji, I mean…he doesn’t know.” He sighs, tapping even harder, looking a little lost. “But, um. If I got anything from your dungeon, or your Shadow…it was that you were scared shitless being like that makes you a monster, and that’s…that’s not true. Just—” He attempts a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t be like me. Be like Kashihara-san, or Suou-san.”
         Kanji vaguely remembers that name; that’s the out-of-town police officer, right? He’d been really polite to Ma when he visited, but Kanji hadn’t been able to listen in on too much, since she’d shooed him off to school with a smile. It’s clear Yosuke-senpai doesn’t know about that when he continues, though. “You haven’t met Suou-san, but he’s…imagine Souji, but with over ten years of experience of dealing with Shadows and Personas, and just as much trauma, only he’s finally working through it because he shared it and the world didn’t actually end, so he can do the healthy thing finally and talk to a therapist and date Kashihara-san. I think they’re dating now, anyway. And…man, summarizing it like that sounds bad, but there’s this whole story you need to hear—”
         Yosuke-senpai is now blushing, and it doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. “So you’re crushing on Suou-san or Souji-senpai.” Being accepting is an attractive trait, yeah. Kanji gets it.
         “Both,” the brunet admits in a small voice that says he’s ashamed and doesn’t want to be. “Though Suou-san might be a…how did he put it, ‘crush of admiration’? And he and Kashihara-san…I’ve read manga and watched movies with less of a romantic plot than them, and they’re not even that into PDA!” He scuffs his shoe at the ground. “We’ll all be lucky if we get a relationship like that.”
         He takes another deep breath, shivering a little now that he’s been out of the tent this long. It’s night in the mountains, and from what Kanji remembers, he’s a city-boy, so he’s probably not used to this kind of weather.
         “I know that Souji would be nice even if he doesn’t feel the same, and he wouldn’t care about helping me, but if he’s like us, I don’t want to put him through hell as I try to get my crap together.” He sighs, looking a little forlorn. “This is something I gotta do on my own, and I, uh. I might never be the guy who deserves to be his boyfriend, but it’ll be good for me too, to improve myself.”
         “Hell yeah!” Kanji pumps his fist, and Yosuke-senpai startles, like he’d been mostly talking to himself and forgot the blond was even here, nearly falling over backward before he regains his footing just in time. Kanji considers that maybe he’d overdone it for just a second, but nah, this deserves exactly this kind of enthusiasm. “Though you can count on me. I know I’m just your kohai—hell, I ain’t close to the sharpest person in Inaba—but you need help, I’m your man!”
         The blush is back, but so is a small, genuine smile, and the blond hadn’t even considered the idea that maybe he’d make some actual friends on this trip. “I probably shouldn’t even be considering it, because knowing me I’ll say some bullshit things I don’t mean that’ll really hurt you—but hey, if you’re up for it…” The yawn catches him unawares, going by the look on his face. “But, uh, later. Right now we’ve got a stealth mission back to the tent.”
         “I’ll follow your lead, Senpai,” Kanji does his best to whisper, and Yosuke-senpai smiles nervously, like the pressure hadn’t even been on until he’d said something.
         Neither of them are exactly what Kanji would call subtle—just a simple fact of life, really, nothin’ to get too excited about—but they manage, somehow. If he were a bettin’ man, the blond would put money on King Moron being drunk out of his mind. Souji-senpai looks completely startled before they zip the tent back up and it plunges back into darkness, either because they hadn’t gotten caught or because Yosuke-senpai actually followed through, which is a hella lot more impressive all of a sudden. Man’s really gotta be trying, if that’s the case. Which means Kanji’s got no excuse to be doing his best either.
         “Sorry about actin’ without thinking, Senpai. I’ll try not to do it again.” He bows, too—not quite as low, especially as Yosuke-senpai’s already protesting something about how it’s all his fault—but feels like he should. “I coulda gotten us both suspended, so that part’s my fault.”
         “Guess I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t let you apologize too, huh…” Yosuke-senpai agrees weakly. “Let’s just get to sleep.”
         “That’s…fine…” Souji-senpai still sounds a little in shock.
         As he gets ready to sleep, Kanji smiles, amused. Sure, it hadn’t been the way he intended, but Yosuke-senpai did manage to strengthen the friendship, and Kanji doesn’t intend to let them down.