Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 31

[madimpossibledreamer]

 

Well, I’ve been told that halberds and magical healing water and magical rooms are all normal, but, y’know.  Anyway.  Visions.  More things to jump.  Magical rotating…

Oh hey, she has to actually walk past blades.  That’s a new one.  Magical rotating bridges is mostly what I saw.

Magical water.  Seriously, I need to find a canteen somewhere.  It would make this sooo much simpler.

But yeah, next time I play this I will know to immediately head to magical invisible rooms.

I don’t even know what probably leaves this much sand.  Yeah, that’s a lot of parkour.  That is in fact a lot of parkour.  Hi Farah.

Oooh, I just love this.  I love all the geometric designs in this.  Which is very accurate and I love that they put this much into it, y’know.  It takes a long time to draw all of these geometric patterns, and—I just walked into that wall.  Camera, you’re saying it doesn’t work now, but—hang on.  It looks like my sword has an eye on it.  That’s slightly disturbing.

 I’ll just let you go first, shall I? [Farah] You say as you go ahead of me on the stairs.

Does this do nothing?  Does this help in any way?

But yeah, they probably took some time for them to put all the geometric designs and stuff in, and yet they went to the time to actually do it, which is pretty cool.  (I took an integrated history/art/culture middle eastern class.  I don’t know a lot about modern stuff, and I’ve forgotten a decent portion of it, but I remember a lot of the architecture stuff.)  What do you say, Farah?

How do I—Farah, I don’t actually know how to.  How do?  How be?  What is me?

I guess there’s a—do I grab this—no, that’s too far up, I can’t even reach that.

Oh, hey, that’s a corner.  I was in a corner and did not realize.  Can I just—that’s the wrong direction, Prince.  Would you stop jumping off that, thank you?

No, I can’t get him to actually—

Okay, now the camera is just going in and out of focus and it is weird. 

As I hit my head on the column.  I don’t know what I’m doing, Farah.  Oh, that hurt me.  I’m going to run back—I probably shouldn’t run through that.  I’m going to turn this…bye Farah.  What you did not realize was that that was all part of my plan to trap you.  I have no intention of returning.  I actually do, but.

Oh, hey, there’s palm trees, and there’s a river…Oh wowwww.  That waterfall—is it called a waterfall if it’s manmade?—that waterfall just goes down and down.  I guess you jumping there makes some sense because this is so pretty.

A lot of work got put into this game.

Oh, wow, there’s even more geometric designs in the magical invisible room.  That’s cool.

But where—oh, I can see these.  You can jump on those.  Hmm.

Oh, maybe I’m just actually supposed to jump on the bridge.  I can try that.  (Prince aborts, Farah gasps) I think Prince is saying I might not be able to do that but I’m going to try anyway because I don’t know what else to do.  …Nope, okay, that kills me.

Have used some sand.  Is however fine.

Maybe I have to rotate it to here…Camera’s having a seizure again.

Oh, I’ve got another sash robe, sasha—a sash—what do you call it.  This is going to bug me.  Oh, there’s something else that’s going to bug me and I forgot to look it up.  Um.  Belt.  Sash-slash-belt, that’s cool.

I don’t think these are close enough together that I can—noope.  Oh, shoot, I did it again.  I got myself hurt again.  I’ll just stop by the magical healing water, Farah, it’ll be fine.

I’m going to see a lot more of the Pretty Prince again, but also I feel like I might have to do this again, depending, because I don’t know if I’m going to make another save point by the time I need to stop, so.  Because it is, what.  Oh, yeah, I’m not going to make another.  Y’know, I’m probably going to figure out how to get to the next part and then stop, because then I’ll at least have figured it out. 

What happens if I run up the side?  Nothing.

There are pretty designs on the floor too.  Oh wow.  These are cool carpets.

Are there any columns I can climb?

There’s this lever that does nothing.  Seriously, why is this lever here?  Is that lever actually supposed to do something, or is it a red herring?  (Is it bugged?  Which is a scandalous accusation because nothing here is bugged ever.)  Does that say ‘a bastard of a battle’?  It does.  Somewhere.

Hmmm.  (music from the movie.  I start singing along.)

That part comes later.

Wallrun to the flagpole.  Oh.  I tried doing that, but it didn’t work.  I can try it again.  Always trust the wallrun, Farah.  Oh man, I didn’t trust the wallrun hard enough.  I didn’t mean to leave the music on, but you know, it works.  It’s fine.

Oh wow, I caught that.  It was the wrong angle and everything.

(Farah can’t speak above the music) I can’t hear what you’re saying, Farah, but it’s okay, we’ll do this again.

Oh, hey, I can get onto this bridge.  Pull it again. [Farah] I mean, I can try…nope.  Pulling this lever again does nothing, Farah.

Oh, I did have to try a second time, and fail a second time.

You’re on the bridge now, but what does that do for us?  It get you to do parkour.  I see.  I’m going to watch you do parkour because I don’t get to see anyone else doing it really.  You’re pretty good at this.

Is this broken column here so I can get on top of it so I can wallrun—no.  But this is.  Ohh.  Sawblade.  Hahaha.  That was a little close for comfort.  Am I going the wrong direction?  No, because there’s another one over here.  This doesn’t go anywhere.  Camera.  I can—wow, that’s a little close for comfort.  Prince, I can’t see, and that column’s just going to be in the way—oh, it’s right behind us.  Durr.

(Farah gasps) It’s fine, Princess.  But now that I’m here, I don’t know why I’m here.

Princess, could you maybe pull that lever?  Does that lever do anything?  Princess?  Princess, are you actually going to do anything useful.  I mean, you did have to be there, but—

Or am I supposed to get outside?  You know what, I’m going to try it.  Without the dodge roll next time.  With feewing.  I think I’m supposed to be on here because he won’t stop dodge rolling.  Never mind.  Hey look, I’m outside. 

I’m burning!  I tore off my other sleeve—why did I tear off my other sleeve?  What was wrong with my other sleeve?  I thought I was suddenly a vampire and the sun was a problem, but no, I was just suddenly like, “You know, this doesn’t match, imma tear off my sleeve.”  Prince, I love you, but you’re a very strange, strange fellow—he was turning his head with the camera to keep staring at me.

And on that note, we’re going to very solemnly stare into the sun and blind ourselves.  I mean, let’s—STOP TURNING YOUR HEAD TO LOOK AT THE CAMERA, THAT’S CREEPY.  We’re going to look at this lovely morning and we’ll come on and do this again next time.

You wish me to leave before finishing my story?  As you wish. [Prince] Don’t worry, we’ll finish your story eventually.  And I’ll actually, y’know, remember to turn off the music.  Because I totally know what I’m doing.  I also apparently forgot to log out.  I am an intelligent human being.  I mean, I am an intelligent, and also smrt.  There we go.  See y’all next time.  Ooh, rain, nice.  Mozilla Firefox is not a game, Windows.