madimpossibledreamer | Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Game Review/Commentary 6

Oh, I’m back out here.

(why is the Vizier demanding a share of the spoils when he’s actually one of the Princess’s father’s advisors? Going by the logic of the movie, it’d make sense, since Nizam is Sharaman’s brother, but…seriously, game, logic, what the blank.) I like his—creepy. I—my horse is beautiful. (Oh, ‘trust not a man who has betrayed his own master’. Oh, okay, so he’s probably the one who came to us and was like ‘hey I know a way into the castle take me into your service and I will show you how to defeat them’. Okay, somehow I missed this. Cutscenes, man.) (And now we’re in Azad.) Lots of cutscenes. (Important ones for the plot, you moron.) Brilliant. Why does it glow? [Ruler of Azad] It’s ‘of Time’. No! [Princess] This seems like a terrible idea. (of the Vizier) I like his facial expressions. (In general, I think they did a really good job with his animations.) …Wait, you know magic? …Hey, it’s the cool guy who died. …Oh, oh dear. Give me the dagger. [Vizier] I don’t think so. Give it to me. [Vizier] I’d rather not, considering you’re acting like Boromir.

Wait, is that…is she suddenly fairer of skin, because that’s just weird.

Prince, use the dagger. [Princess] What if I don’t want to? Oh, because it’s the only way to kill them. Okay. I’m going to have to look this up after, because I don’t actually know what the—this music is amazing. (what the button for the dagger vs the sword is.)

Uh-oh. How do I look at options? I’m guessing that’s not all of them, because I haven’t cool-y sheathed my sword yet. I may in fact die to this, but I love this combat. Use the dagger. You can turn back time! [Princess] Yeah, I got that. Thanks. And I didn’t remark on that or anything. I was just like ‘whatever, it turns back time.’ Use the dagger before you die! Shut up. If I die, it’ll be fine. I can look up the directions. This combat is amazing, yo. It’s not even all that complicated. (I mean, doing well is, but. Most of it is surroundings-based.)

Yeah, they did. Why are you suddenly so much lighter of skin than in cutscenes? (Seriously, that’s….I have serious misgivings about that one.)

Oh, that’s weird. I walked into this and I’m suddenly having visions. That’s normal. That’s normal. Yes, I would prefer to save. Also, is there any water anywhere? I’m just laying on the ground now. That’s just my life. Who would not be driven mad by the horrors—Sorry, I interrupted you. Continue your story. I guess that’s just a save spot. I assure you, every word is true. I believe you.

This is actually really pretty. I actually think I’ve seen this picture before, hang on. I think I saw that in my Ottomans class. This is really cool. (The one I’m looking at, btw, is going to be harder to find than I thought. I’ll keep trying to find it. Honestly, I might have to take a picture of it [thank goodness for saves] and put it through that google reverse image search thing. This is gonna bug me, but okay.) What about this one? Excuse me, Prince, I’m looking at art. I don’t recognize that one. That one looks familiar…actually, I don’t know if I’ve seen that one…is there water anywhere? There are just sands leaking out here, that’s probably where I came from. …Is that a wheelchair? I don’t think I’ve seen that one. Or that one. I’ve only seen one of these. Is there water anywhere? Water please. Please yes? Please no? Do… WATERRRRRR!!! Yes, good. I’m just going to keep drinking. Thank everything, I am now healed. I don’t have to keep running through with no health.

I don’t see any spikes anywhere. Maybe I’m supposed to go check where lady was. Pretty lady—ohhh, hang on, that wasn’t—I thought that was totally jammed, but no, there’s actually a way to go up there?

Wait! …You just stood there the entire time while I was admiring art? I-I-I guess you too, like art, and understand its importance in society? That could be a thing, that we could, y’know, talk about. Let’s talk about art.

This tree is completely fine. Which is good, I wouldn’t want to fight an evil tree monster.

Is there anyone there? Your mouth does not move, Prince.

Oh, hey, more art. I also love the architecture.

Why do you have your boots on the bed? Get your boots off the bed. That’s rude.

Oh, right. I have not actually looked up what his dagger is on my controller, and would greatly like to know this. I’m going to guess it’s actually listed in here, please tell me what is…Y, that doesn’t help me. That is one thing. I love the layout of the Playstation controller, but I will never get used to it not being X and stuff. I can try it. I’m not sure you’re entirely sane, but I can try it. Oh, it is.

That was so cool. I’m just going to leap over this barricade. Such a dork.

More art! That…looks creepily like a Nazgul. I didn’t know that we had Nazgul art. And that one’s the one I’ve seen. You have two copies of the same artwork. That makes sense.

Where am I going? How do I platform? And why do I now have Leon hair? All very important questions. (It’s likely that the hair thing has not changed. Just saying.)

I’m guessing that sound is the sound of the camera losing its mind.

I don’t know why I’m here. Why are any of us here, in the end. (Yes, I’m lost enough I’m going to abstract philosophy.) I can get up higher here, but why—you’re not actually a column. You’re a fake column. What is going on, why am I here?

This is probably going to be me rambling for a bit here, so I’m going to stop it. (But rambling is interesting. Unless it’s just repetitions of ‘what’ and ‘why’.)

I did not like how that bar was moving. It felt like it was gonna drop me any second. Wait, is that water?