madimpossibledreamer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
madimpossibledreamer) wrote2018-01-09 11:28 pm
madimpossibledreamer) wrote2018-01-09 11:28 pm
Entry tags:
Not Gonna Change
2 things. First, the internet went down today, and I've got a 'do we want to keep you beyond seasonal' interview coming up. (I may or may not obsessively research for instructions on how to handle situations, but it's better than standing around going 'I don't know what to do durrr') I flipped out for an hour and a half until it came back. (I also wasn't looking forward to not being able to update. Or relax.)
Funny thing about this song. I first heard it in a Doctor Who music video about...oh, I dunno, it was...the season with Martha, which would make it, what, about ten years ago now? Didn't have a clue it was in High School Musical. Friends forced me to watch it, and I went ...what, wait, I know this song. I didn't care for most of it, but this song, especially for Jim Kirk or the Doctor? /thumbs up
~Dreamer~
Main Points:
Star Trek (the 2009!movie verse) Cambion AU
Summary: They're back on the Enterprise and Jim has some explaining to do...
Word Count: 1716
Rating: Teen(??)
Briefly mentions the events of the previous parts, but in passing and mostly just covers the explanations of why Jim reacted so oddly.
Funny thing about this song. I first heard it in a Doctor Who music video about...oh, I dunno, it was...the season with Martha, which would make it, what, about ten years ago now? Didn't have a clue it was in High School Musical. Friends forced me to watch it, and I went ...what, wait, I know this song. I didn't care for most of it, but this song, especially for Jim Kirk or the Doctor? /thumbs up
~Dreamer~
Main Points:
Star Trek (the 2009!movie verse) Cambion AU
Summary: They're back on the Enterprise and Jim has some explaining to do...
Word Count: 1716
Rating: Teen(??)
Briefly mentions the events of the previous parts, but in passing and mostly just covers the explanations of why Jim reacted so oddly.
They hold an impromptu meeting in Medbay. Sulu waited long enough for them to check in and when they had not had effected a rescue. All members of the landing party required medical attention when brought on board, though Dr. Featherby had hidden one of the hypos in the medkit in every shuttle and administered it, given that he was on the verge of overdose. Unfortunately, the Captain had a mild allergic reaction to the hypo, and M’Benga insisted on extending Captain Kirk’s time in Medbay to ensure no further complications arose. Spock refuses to start the meeting without Kirk, however, and M’Benga refuses to let any of them even get up until he’s satisfied with their condition. They wait until Jim actually wakes up before beginning.
“You don’t understand,” Jim declares, still pale and trembling and hiding beneath the blanket. He is feverish and appears to remember little of what happened, fixated on what he fears they saw or experienced. “M’Benga, I know you’ve been sharing your concerns with Spock. Tell him what you found.”
The two exchange startled glances. Spock hadn’t thought the Captain would notice, thought the affairs of crew members beneath his notice, because—
Because, what? Because their first meeting obviously did not adequately represent Jim Kirk’s strengths? Because he had allowed the very human emotion of anger to overcome him once again? Clearly, he has to do better. If anything, his mind-meld had shown him that he had utterly misjudged the human.
“From what Dr. Featherby said,” and she nods, “…Jim didn’t eat anything on the planet, and yet the symptoms of starvation are subsiding. In general, he’s in better shape than he went in. I went the extra step of checking his stomach, just in case the Dawoathki—” He pauses and glances at the Captain, who growls.
“I’m only going to say this once, mostly because I don’t like telling people to stop walking on eggshells. I’m not Humpty Dumpty.” Spock raises an eyebrow. That is a strange name, but then, in his experience, humans are a strange species. He vaguely recalls something about children’s stories. “My life hasn’t been easy. Every time something awful happens, the universe hasn’t given me the luxury of breaking. Don’t coddle me. Giving me pity will only put me on edge. Just say it. I’m stronger than you think.” He sits up straighter. And it’s true that he at least looks strong.
“In case they force-fed him,” M’Benga continues, allowing the hint of rebellion, of the strength that got him practically exiled, to appear in his face. The Captain appears appeased. The doctor throws his hands up. “There’s nothing. I have no idea how his health has improved.” He pauses, then continues, determined, glaring at Captain Kirk. “He seems fine, otherwise, though I pumped him full of as many antibiotics and antivirals as he’s not allergic to and wouldn’t adversely react with any other medications he’s been given.”
The Captain sighs heavily. “Okay, I can explain that, but only with Pike and/or Boyce, and only if you promise this goes no further. I swear it doesn’t put Starfleet in danger, but it’s private and I don’t need them to know any more about me than they already do.”
Nyota appears about to protest, but Spock shakes his head at her.
“I am willing to promise.” She looks slightly betrayed. This is an unacceptable result, so he needs her—and the Captain—to understand his reasoning. “In fact, I am probably able to explain some of what happened on Ytheon II myself. It appears no one, not even the Captain, remembers, but I engaged in a mind-meld with him, and I believe we all owe him an apology for underestimating his abilities as Captain.”
The communications officer directs her glare at Kirk instead. It’s tempered slightly by the overwhelming compassion she still feels for him despite his earlier admonishment. “You mean, he’s not the irresponsible idiot we’ve been thinking he is all along, and he’s been letting us think he’s awful?”
He grins sheepishly, wincing a little as the action splits his lip. “Surprise?” is all he offers, before looking back at Spock. “You mean, I could’ve told you about all this ages ago and saved us all a lot of trouble?”
The First Officer considers this before shaking his head. “Without having seen your own thoughts on the matter, I believe I would not have understood, and without similar circumstances I would not have seen the need to do so.”
Jim lets out a deep breath. “Figures.” Now that he’s looking, Spock notices the traces of vulnerability in Kirk’s expression, his posture, even his voice. He glances at the others.
“We’re bound by our oath,” Featherby reminds him gently, and M’Benga nods in agreement.
“It’s…it’s not treasonous, is it?” one of the Ensigns asks timidly.
Kirk sighs. “I don’t think so? Like I said, it’s more of…not exactly telling them everything on the personal information type forms. I wouldn’t act against Starfleet given that they’re the only thing making my life worthwhile.”
The other ensign reaches out and touches his arm in sympathy, and while he appears slightly uncomfortable, he also accepts it.
“You saved my life, Captain,” Abboud states firmly. “I promise.”
Nyota exchanges a look with the ensigns. “I promise, although if it ends up being important for Starfleet security I might change my mind. I’ll tell you first, though.”
The married ensigns stare at each other and then nod. “What she said.”
“I—I’m an empath,” he starts, and winces—clearly, this was not how he had meant to begin.
The Half-Vulcan raises an eyebrow, curious. He does not discount the assertion—it is likely, for example, that he had been projecting his own emotions in order to cover up any stray thoughts Spock might have witnessed through the mind meld—but he is curious as to how it had been kept a secret in the first place. “Starfleet tests for all matter of esper-like phenomena as a matter of course—”
“The first time, when my mom had me take it, I was too young. It hadn’t really set in yet. The second time I deliberately failed,” Jim admits, appearing uncomfortable. He stares down at his hands, then chuckles. “Funny, isn’t it. The unbeatable test I just had to win, but one test I could effortlessly pass and I had to fail it.”
“There’s been a rumor going around that you’re psychic,” Nyota responds, hiding the slightest of smiles.
And Jim Kirk giggles a little helplessly. “I can fool Starfleet but Starfleet’s finest see right through me.”
“It’s not that strange for humans to have any sort of psychics,” Featherby observes, handing him a cup of tea, which he starts to sip at absent-mindedly.
“No, but it’s usually genetic, and there’s no history in the family. It would’ve started them asking questions I wasn’t ready to answer,” Jim responds, and—
He’d thought that through. Of course he could hardly have the friendship the other Spock had with his Kirk if he does not even know James T. Kirk. Perhaps hiding his true personality is just an extension of his trying to hide this secret of his, or just his in general secretive nature.
“Would you prefer I answer the questions?” Spock offers, and gets a relieved smile in response. It’s enough of an affirmation. “You are half-human. You require sexual relations for sustenance. You have been abstaining to try to be a better captain, but it means that you started starving.”
Jim blinks a little, sipping again, and his smile turns a little sheepish. “I really should have you summarize everything I’m supposed to read. You just took one of the biggest struggles of my life and turned it into one of those blurbs they used to have on old Earth books.”
Spock blinks, unsure as to how to take that sentence. “My apologies,” he eventually manages stiffly.
“It wasn’t meant as a complaint,” Kirk assures him and turns to the others. “So, now you know. The parental lifeform, whatever it was, is a shapeshifter that could copy one of my parents down to the DNA level. Pike agreed that Starfleet didn’t need the scandal.”
The half-Vulcan nods. That’s highly logical. The others display varying degrees of understanding and realization.
“Wait, I was giving you a hard time about you surviving?” Nyota gasps, covering her mouth with her hands, eyes a little wet.
Jim shrugs uncomfortably. “It’s not like I could really explain, and if I was normal, I probably would deserve everything you thought of me.” She continues to look upset. “I—I’m serious. I don’t blame you.” She tries to smile and he sets down the cup. “C’mon, Uhura, hug?”
She considers it for all of two seconds before flinging herself into a hug. Surprisingly, he’s completely respectful, and when she pulls away, she’s actually smiling. “We misjudged you, Kirk.”
“Jim when we’re off duty. Because we do have first names on my planet.” She slaps his shoulder but they’re both still smiling. He gets serious again, though. “So…none of you were hurt, right?”
“For the last time, you were the only one affected by anything other than their aphrodisiac, and any wounds they received from the Da`woat were easily fixed by a dermal regenerator,” M’Benga insists, smiling a little, but Kirk only relaxes after the other members of the landing party all nod.
“Okay, good.” He sighs. “I guess there were concerns about the fact that this was non-consensual for me.” He laces his hands together. “The thing is…M’Benga wasn’t, probably, wrong. They probably saved my life and stopped me from starving to death. And I don’t see sex the same way you do. It’s…It’s much more like just…it’s food. It can be good, it can be bad, it can just be there to keep me alive. I’m not especially happy about being essentially force-fed or them putting themselves or you in danger, but I’m more worried about the damage I could’ve done.” And he yawns, furrowing his brow.
“Well, I’m glad that you’re still alive and you’re not massively traumatized, but you need to sleep more to get your strength back, Captain,” Featherby insists, and Jim smiles a little and curls up and drops off.
“You don’t understand,” Jim declares, still pale and trembling and hiding beneath the blanket. He is feverish and appears to remember little of what happened, fixated on what he fears they saw or experienced. “M’Benga, I know you’ve been sharing your concerns with Spock. Tell him what you found.”
The two exchange startled glances. Spock hadn’t thought the Captain would notice, thought the affairs of crew members beneath his notice, because—
Because, what? Because their first meeting obviously did not adequately represent Jim Kirk’s strengths? Because he had allowed the very human emotion of anger to overcome him once again? Clearly, he has to do better. If anything, his mind-meld had shown him that he had utterly misjudged the human.
“From what Dr. Featherby said,” and she nods, “…Jim didn’t eat anything on the planet, and yet the symptoms of starvation are subsiding. In general, he’s in better shape than he went in. I went the extra step of checking his stomach, just in case the Dawoathki—” He pauses and glances at the Captain, who growls.
“I’m only going to say this once, mostly because I don’t like telling people to stop walking on eggshells. I’m not Humpty Dumpty.” Spock raises an eyebrow. That is a strange name, but then, in his experience, humans are a strange species. He vaguely recalls something about children’s stories. “My life hasn’t been easy. Every time something awful happens, the universe hasn’t given me the luxury of breaking. Don’t coddle me. Giving me pity will only put me on edge. Just say it. I’m stronger than you think.” He sits up straighter. And it’s true that he at least looks strong.
“In case they force-fed him,” M’Benga continues, allowing the hint of rebellion, of the strength that got him practically exiled, to appear in his face. The Captain appears appeased. The doctor throws his hands up. “There’s nothing. I have no idea how his health has improved.” He pauses, then continues, determined, glaring at Captain Kirk. “He seems fine, otherwise, though I pumped him full of as many antibiotics and antivirals as he’s not allergic to and wouldn’t adversely react with any other medications he’s been given.”
The Captain sighs heavily. “Okay, I can explain that, but only with Pike and/or Boyce, and only if you promise this goes no further. I swear it doesn’t put Starfleet in danger, but it’s private and I don’t need them to know any more about me than they already do.”
Nyota appears about to protest, but Spock shakes his head at her.
“I am willing to promise.” She looks slightly betrayed. This is an unacceptable result, so he needs her—and the Captain—to understand his reasoning. “In fact, I am probably able to explain some of what happened on Ytheon II myself. It appears no one, not even the Captain, remembers, but I engaged in a mind-meld with him, and I believe we all owe him an apology for underestimating his abilities as Captain.”
The communications officer directs her glare at Kirk instead. It’s tempered slightly by the overwhelming compassion she still feels for him despite his earlier admonishment. “You mean, he’s not the irresponsible idiot we’ve been thinking he is all along, and he’s been letting us think he’s awful?”
He grins sheepishly, wincing a little as the action splits his lip. “Surprise?” is all he offers, before looking back at Spock. “You mean, I could’ve told you about all this ages ago and saved us all a lot of trouble?”
The First Officer considers this before shaking his head. “Without having seen your own thoughts on the matter, I believe I would not have understood, and without similar circumstances I would not have seen the need to do so.”
Jim lets out a deep breath. “Figures.” Now that he’s looking, Spock notices the traces of vulnerability in Kirk’s expression, his posture, even his voice. He glances at the others.
“We’re bound by our oath,” Featherby reminds him gently, and M’Benga nods in agreement.
“It’s…it’s not treasonous, is it?” one of the Ensigns asks timidly.
Kirk sighs. “I don’t think so? Like I said, it’s more of…not exactly telling them everything on the personal information type forms. I wouldn’t act against Starfleet given that they’re the only thing making my life worthwhile.”
The other ensign reaches out and touches his arm in sympathy, and while he appears slightly uncomfortable, he also accepts it.
“You saved my life, Captain,” Abboud states firmly. “I promise.”
Nyota exchanges a look with the ensigns. “I promise, although if it ends up being important for Starfleet security I might change my mind. I’ll tell you first, though.”
The married ensigns stare at each other and then nod. “What she said.”
“I—I’m an empath,” he starts, and winces—clearly, this was not how he had meant to begin.
The Half-Vulcan raises an eyebrow, curious. He does not discount the assertion—it is likely, for example, that he had been projecting his own emotions in order to cover up any stray thoughts Spock might have witnessed through the mind meld—but he is curious as to how it had been kept a secret in the first place. “Starfleet tests for all matter of esper-like phenomena as a matter of course—”
“The first time, when my mom had me take it, I was too young. It hadn’t really set in yet. The second time I deliberately failed,” Jim admits, appearing uncomfortable. He stares down at his hands, then chuckles. “Funny, isn’t it. The unbeatable test I just had to win, but one test I could effortlessly pass and I had to fail it.”
“There’s been a rumor going around that you’re psychic,” Nyota responds, hiding the slightest of smiles.
And Jim Kirk giggles a little helplessly. “I can fool Starfleet but Starfleet’s finest see right through me.”
“It’s not that strange for humans to have any sort of psychics,” Featherby observes, handing him a cup of tea, which he starts to sip at absent-mindedly.
“No, but it’s usually genetic, and there’s no history in the family. It would’ve started them asking questions I wasn’t ready to answer,” Jim responds, and—
He’d thought that through. Of course he could hardly have the friendship the other Spock had with his Kirk if he does not even know James T. Kirk. Perhaps hiding his true personality is just an extension of his trying to hide this secret of his, or just his in general secretive nature.
“Would you prefer I answer the questions?” Spock offers, and gets a relieved smile in response. It’s enough of an affirmation. “You are half-human. You require sexual relations for sustenance. You have been abstaining to try to be a better captain, but it means that you started starving.”
Jim blinks a little, sipping again, and his smile turns a little sheepish. “I really should have you summarize everything I’m supposed to read. You just took one of the biggest struggles of my life and turned it into one of those blurbs they used to have on old Earth books.”
Spock blinks, unsure as to how to take that sentence. “My apologies,” he eventually manages stiffly.
“It wasn’t meant as a complaint,” Kirk assures him and turns to the others. “So, now you know. The parental lifeform, whatever it was, is a shapeshifter that could copy one of my parents down to the DNA level. Pike agreed that Starfleet didn’t need the scandal.”
The half-Vulcan nods. That’s highly logical. The others display varying degrees of understanding and realization.
“Wait, I was giving you a hard time about you surviving?” Nyota gasps, covering her mouth with her hands, eyes a little wet.
Jim shrugs uncomfortably. “It’s not like I could really explain, and if I was normal, I probably would deserve everything you thought of me.” She continues to look upset. “I—I’m serious. I don’t blame you.” She tries to smile and he sets down the cup. “C’mon, Uhura, hug?”
She considers it for all of two seconds before flinging herself into a hug. Surprisingly, he’s completely respectful, and when she pulls away, she’s actually smiling. “We misjudged you, Kirk.”
“Jim when we’re off duty. Because we do have first names on my planet.” She slaps his shoulder but they’re both still smiling. He gets serious again, though. “So…none of you were hurt, right?”
“For the last time, you were the only one affected by anything other than their aphrodisiac, and any wounds they received from the Da`woat were easily fixed by a dermal regenerator,” M’Benga insists, smiling a little, but Kirk only relaxes after the other members of the landing party all nod.
“Okay, good.” He sighs. “I guess there were concerns about the fact that this was non-consensual for me.” He laces his hands together. “The thing is…M’Benga wasn’t, probably, wrong. They probably saved my life and stopped me from starving to death. And I don’t see sex the same way you do. It’s…It’s much more like just…it’s food. It can be good, it can be bad, it can just be there to keep me alive. I’m not especially happy about being essentially force-fed or them putting themselves or you in danger, but I’m more worried about the damage I could’ve done.” And he yawns, furrowing his brow.
“Well, I’m glad that you’re still alive and you’re not massively traumatized, but you need to sleep more to get your strength back, Captain,” Featherby insists, and Jim smiles a little and curls up and drops off.