Summary: Faith knows why Xander has issues dealing with her even if no one else does.
Word Count: 336
Rating: Teen, placed under cut because it references one of the canon instances of BTVS non-con, Consequences. I've only read people talk about it a few places (as opposed to Spike's attempt), but Xander's never gotten over it (he was always a lot quieter in S7 when Faith was in the room) and Faith...Faith really is working on being a hero, which is exactly why she can't let this go. (There's a whole lot but there's one blog that goes through everything, and there's an entry for every episode with consent issues-this is the one for Consequences. I'm not sure I'd recommend it, given its subject matter, but it is well written and points out everyone and wow Buffy is a lot more problematic as a show than you realize on first viewing.)
Faith knows she’s not Xander’s favorite person. Knows that he forgives her, completely and utterly, but can never forget with that eidetic memory of his, can never be in the same room as her for more than seven minutes without the stirrings of a panic attack.
She also knows that the others don’t know. He hasn’t told them. At first, she’d thought he’d been protecting her, before she realizes the simple truth.
He might be all about that Krista chick now, but he’d still die rather than hurt Willow, and if it means taking this secret to his grave, he will.
It’s a shame. He’s smart and hot and she realizes, too late, that he would’ve been a great catch, but he’s never going to be hers, now. Oddly, she thinks B would’ve preferred her with X, but she doesn’t claim to understand the Supreme Slayer.
She’s still a little shocked by this scene. Her image of Knight is a guy who gives as good as he gets, a guy who isn’t afraid to take off the kiddie gloves. She kinda forgot that he’s a pushover when it comes to his friends. And she reads comics, and Tony’s one of her favorites, besides maybe Wolverine. He’s a guy who won’t argue when people are tearing him apart. Sometimes it’s because it doesn’t touch him, and sometimes it’s because, ultimately, he doesn’t disagree. When it comes down to it, most versions of Tony actually underneath it all have all the self-confidence of a wet paper towel, and are about as well-adjusted as Ultron.
So Xander’s silent as his so-called friends rip into him. Sure, rushing in like that was a big mistake. People died. They’re lacking perspective. It’s not like he staked a human.
And there’s a lot going on. He’d have explanations (not excuses) if they just asked. But they don’t, and he doesn’t offer any. The look in his eyes is worse than a kicked puppy. He’s slowly dying inside, but they don’t see it.